Showing posts with label words words words. Show all posts
Showing posts with label words words words. Show all posts

Monday, May 10, 2010

Riots and bombs and consequence and hope


I don't usually write directly political posts for various reasons but a few international readers, worried over the recent news of Greece, have asked me what's going on. Below is an attempt to explain. The text is in its original Greek first (because the matter is complex and I needed to write in my mother tongue to do it justice) and below it is a translated English version.


Ο λόγος που δεν γράφω πολιτικά κείμενα συχνά είναι συμπτωματικός της ρίζας του προβλήματος της γενιάς μου. Βλέπω τον πατέρα μου ο οποίος έζησε το Πολυτεχνείο (σαν πολλούς συνομήλικούς του) και έκτοτε τοξεύει την πολιτική, κοινωνική, πολιτισμική ελπίδα του ευθέως. Δεν μου φαίνεται μπερδεμένος, ούτε φοβισμένος. Ξέρει τι ξέρει. Η δική μου η γενιά δεν έζησε πολιτικές αναταραχές και συχνά αυτή η σχεδόν απλοϊκή ευθυβολία των προηγούμενων της φαίνεται γραφική, μπανάλ, πασέ, παράταιρο μιας άλλης εποχής.

Συνεπώς, ενώ η πολιτική μου συνείδηση είναι οξυμένη, τα - όποια - όπλα μου σκουριάζουν από μια αχρηστία που δεν οφείλεται τόσο στην ατολμία αλλά στην απογοήτευση. Μεγάλωσα σε μια κοινωνία γενικότερα παροπλισμένη, αποκαρδιωμένη. Ένας πατέρας με ελπίδα δεν είναι αρκετός μέσα της. Μάλιστα δημιουργεί και λίγη παράνοια η γνωστική δυσαρμονία μεταξύ του τι ακούς μέσα στο σπίτι σου και τι σου λέει ο έξω κόσμος. Μαθαίνεις να φυλάγεσαι. Οι πολιτικές μου θέσεις γίνανε σαν μικρά σολιψιστικά ερωτηματικά. Όχι μόνο η δικές μου.

Αν πριν από πέντε μόνο χρόνια μιλούσατε με τυχαίους Έλληνες νέους θα αντιμετωπίζατε μια τρομακτική πολιτική απογοήτευση την οποία και εγώ - και οι περισσότεροι - παραπλανιόμασταν ότι αναλύεται σε αμορφωσιά και αδιαφορία. Όμως ακόμα και όταν μίλαγα με τα χειρότερα κομματόσκυλα των φοιτητικών νεολαίων (που δεν είναι ούτε αμόρφωτα ούτε αδιάφορα καμιά φορά) η ρητορική τους μου ακουγόταν προκατασκευασμένη και ευνουχισμένη, απογοητευμένη. Λες και ήταν στο σπορ για το σπορ (είναι ωραία τα σπορ!), όχι για την κοινωνική αλλαγή. Οι διαφορές λεπτές αλλά στην παρατήρησή τους αρχίζει κανείς να βλέπει το μαχαίρι και όχι την πληγή: η απογοήτευση αυτή που χαρακτηρίζει την γενιά μου είναι προϊόν του της καταναλωτικού βίου. Ούτε ζήτημα παίδευσης είναι, ούτε ζήτημα έλλειψης κάποιου αφηρημένου "τσαγανού" που εξάλειψε δυσεξήγητα απότομα τα τελευταία είκοσι χρόνια.

Η φύση της κατανάλωσης είναι υπαρξιστικά κατευναστική επειδή η βασική ανάγκη του ζώου-ανθρώπου είναι η επιβίωση και η ασφάλεια. Ο καπιταλισμός πριμοδοτεί τις βασικές ανάγκες του ζώου και με μαεστρία τραβάει μια αιματηρή γραμμή αυθαίρετα και λέει "ως εδώ. Τρως καλά, διασκεδάζεις καλά, λες μαλακίες καλά. Τα κατάφερες. Μην ελπίζεις σε τίποτε άλλο." Από εκεί και πάνω κάνουν κουμάντο λέει, Εκατόχειρες τιτάνες, φτιαγμένοι από γρανίτη. Πάνω τους σκάνε οι "ταξικά κινητικοί" γιάπηδες και λοιποί μικροκαρχαρίες και λιώνουν σαν κουνούπια. Έπειτα είτε μένει κακαδάκι κωμικό για να το βλέπουν και φοβούνται οι μικρότεροι, είτε απορροφάται βαθιά μέσα στον γρανίτη το ρημαγμένο πνεύμα, ενισχύει τον εξουσιαστή.

Δεν κατηγορώ κανέναν για την φύση του καπιταλισμού ούτε για το πως με σχημάτισε. Σχημάτισε όλους μας ακόμα και αν μερικοί αρέσκονται σε διάφορες βολικές εκλογικεύσεις. Η έλλειψη πολίτικου σθένους στην γενιά μου προκύπτει επειδή αγόρασε όσα μπορούσε μέχρι την γραμμή του "ως εδώ". Ίσα-ίσα κάτω της γραμμής στέκεται κάποια αξιοπρέπεια τέλος πάντων, αλλά πάνω της κυματίζει η ελπίδα, μακριά. Τί κάνει ο έφηβος χωρίς ελπίδα αλλά με αξιοπρέπεια; Βρίσκει εσωτερικές λύσεις, ασκεί την εσωτερική ευαισθησία του, τολμά - κάπως - με τη φαντασία του. Όλη μου την ζωή γνωρίζω εφήβους 'άτομα', με καλλιτεχνίες και ενδιαφέροντα και βάθος, αλλά που το "ως εδώ" της κατανάλωσης ακρωτηριάζει την συνάθροιση, το συλλογικό αύριο, την ελπίδα.

Έτσι είμαι και εγώ. Συχνά σκέφτομαι τί μπορώ να προσφέρω και σαν 'άτομο' το μόνο που αντέχω είναι λίγη τέχνη. Γενναία ίσως και ειλικρινής σίγουρα αλλά "ως εδώ". Έχω και εγώ να δω τις τηλεοπτικές μου σειρές μετά, να παίξω τα βίντεο-γκέιμς μου και τέτοια.

Πριν κάποιον καιρό αστυνομικοί σκότωσαν έναν νεαρό. Υπήρξε έντονη κοινωνική αγανάκτηση, συγκρούσεις στους δρόμους, βανδαλισμοί και λοιπά. Τότε δεν μιλάγαμε ακόμα για οικονομική κρίση στην Ευρώπη. Οι πολιτικοαναλυτές διαχειριζόντουσαν την απρόσμενη οργή του πολίτη με χρωματιστά επίθετα, εξηγούσαν ότι εντάξει κακοί μπάτσοι συμβαίνουν αυτά αλλά: όχι βανδαλισμοί ρε παιδιά, όχι βια, όχι καταστροφή ιδιωτικής περιουσίας, όχι μανούλες. "Ως εδώ". Και εγώ περίπου συμφώνησα φοβισμένος και μετά είδα καμιά τηλεοπτική σειρά 'από της καλές, ε' ή άκουσα λίγη μουσικούλα και τα λοιπά. Κάπως σαν να αυνανίζεσαι με το κομμένο σου χέρι σφυρίζοντας αδιάφορα ένα πράγμα.

Κάποιοι έξυπνοι θα σας πουν ότι το είχαν μυριστεί το πράγμα τότε γιατί οργίζεται ο λαός τόσο δυσανάλογα περί του εκείνου ζητήματος της δολοφονίας του νέου αλλά μην τους πιστεύετε (πολύ) ούτε αυτοί περίμεναν την οικονομική κρίση.

Γενικά αυτή είναι η θέση του "ως εδώ" ατομιστή αστού. Το σύστημα είναι κάτι σαν Άγνωστος Θεός. Την προηγούμενη εβδομάδα το μαντείο είπε "κάτι κακό συμβαίνει κάπου μακριά αλλά εσύ είσαι εντάξει. Άντε δες καμία καλή σειρούλα". Ίσως αυτή την εβδομάδα ο οιωνός είναι άλλος. Κεραυνός σχίζει το δέντρο στα δύο και η πυθία κουνάει πατροναρίστηκα το κεφάλι της αριστερά-δεξιά (και κέντρο). Καταρρέει λέει, η οικονομία σε διάφορες ευρωπαϊκές χώρες. Ακούγεται κάπως θολό, 'σαν λέξεις' το νέο. Γιατί; Επειδή έτσι ακούγονται όλα τα άλλα νέα 'του κόσμου'. Στενοχωριόμαστε λιγάκι στο άμπστράκτ και μετά ξαναγυρνάμε κάτω, στην γραμμή μας, εκεί κοντά στην αξιοπρέπειά μας η τηλεόραση μας και τα άλλα αγαθά μας.

Καθαρίζει η θολούρα όμως δια της επανάληψης. Όχι, όχι, σοβαρά, η οικονομία δεν πάει καλά. Θα πάει χειρότερα λέει. Στην αρχή όλοι προσπαθούσαν να το κάνουν γάργαρα και να επιστρέψουν στην καταναλωτική συνήθεια, η ειρωνεία ξεκάθαρη τόσο που ίσως η λέξη είναι παράταιρη, λες και πέφτει ο κεραυνός και σχίζει το μέτωπο αντί το δέντρο.

Κάποια στιγμή το νιώθει ο Έλληνας στο πορτοφόλι του αυτό το περί οικονομίας, λοιπόν. Τότε το Θέαμα δεν βοηθά επειδή το Θέαμα πληρώνεται (μεταξύ άλλων). Φοβάται ο Έλληνας, ρωτάει την πυθία. Του λέει "εσύ φταις που δεν το περίμενες ή ίσως όχι, τώρα θα το πληρώσεις. Μήλαρακι;" Μπερδεύεται ο φοβισμένος Έλληνας. Τα πράγματα χειροτερεύουν μέρα με την μέρα. Αρχίζει να οργίζεται ο μπερδεμένος φοβισμένος Έλληνας.

Εκεί στην γραμμή που από κάτω είναι η αξιοπρέπεια και από πάνω η Ελπίδα αρχίζουν κύματα, φουρτούνα. Και εγώ στην αρχή φοβήθηκα ("τ - τί, δεν θα έχουμε να φάμε;"), στην συνέχεια μπερδεύτηκα και μετά οργίστηκα. Οργίστηκα και όταν ένας αστυνομικός δολοφόνησε έναν νεαρό και άλλες φόρες (λίγες) παλιότερα. Αυτό που όμως αλλάζει είναι ότι τώρα η οργή φεύγει και μένει κάποια ελπίδα. Δεν είναι πολλή, δεν την έχω συνηθίσει ακόμα, δεν είχα λόγο άλλωστε, δεν το έχω ξαναζήσει.

Η ελπίδα μου είναι λοιπόν, ότι τα πράγματα θα γίνουν χειρότερα. Όχι ότι δ-δεν θα έχουμε να φάμε, αλλά δεν θα έχουμε να καταναλώσουμε Θέαμα, παραπλάνηση, χαδάκια. Ότι τα σίγουρα, τα ντε φάκτο, τα α πριόρι, οι κανόνες ρε παιδί μου της ζωής θα είναι στον αέρα μαζί με όλα τα άλλα. Καλλίτερα έλλειψη σιγουριάς παρά σίγουρη καταπίεση.

Θα ήταν λυτρωτικό υπαρξιστικά για όλους όσους μας είπε ο πατέρας μας ότι "έχω ελπίδα, να έχεις και εσύ", να κινηθεί η ιστορική συγκυρία αποδεικτικά, έτσι για μια φορά. Ίσως τα πληρώσω αυτά τα λόγια κάποια στιγμή αλλά δεν πειράζει, αυτά που δεν χρωστώ να μην πληρώσω. Ίσως πάλι η οικονομία να ανακάμψει ακριβώς στο "ως εδώ" και βγει τζούφιος ο αναβρασμός, αλλά τα σημάδια λένε όχι. Πιο πολλή τρικυμία στα 26 χρόνια ζωής μου δεν θυμάμαι οπότε ας κοιτάξουμε πάνω από την θέση μας, από κάτω από την γραμμή τους.

Δεν ελπίζω σε πτώση του Καπιταλισμού. Έχω τοσοδούλα ελπίδα, ούτε από που να το πιάσει αυτό το βάρος δεν ξέρει. Θα επιστρέψουμε πάντα στο κυνήγι της άνεσης, είναι η φύση του ζώου τέτοια. Ελπίζω μόνο, πριν όλα ξαναγυρίσουν σε σχετική ευρυθμία (μέσα στα επόμενα πέντε, δέκα χρόνια) να προλάβουμε να φανταστούμε και ελπίσουμε για μας.



The reason I don't wax political often is symptomatic of the root of my generation's problem. I see my father, who lived through the Athens Polytechnic uprising (like many of his generation) and since aims his political, social and cultural hope straight, like an arrow. He does not seem neither confused nor scared. He knows what he knows. My generation has not experienced political turmoil of that level and often that almost naive straightforwardness of its elders seems outmoded, pase, the debris of a different era.

Concurrently, whereas my political consciousness is focused, my weapons are left to rust in a uselesness that has nothing to do with lack of willpower but everything to do with discouragement. I grew up in a society that has been generally disarmed. A father full of hope is not enough to counterpoint it. In fact, the cognitive dissonance between what one hears in their home and what the outside contradicts creates some paranoia. One learns to keep to themselves. My political beliefs became small solipsist question-marks. Mine weren't the only ones.

Just five years ago if you engaged random Greek youths, you'd notice a terrifying political disappointment which I - as most people - attributed to lack of pertinent education and foremost a lack of interest. But even when I debated with the most fervently entrenched slave-dogs of political organizations in Universities (whom are neither ill-educated nor suffer from lack of interest, often) their rhetoric sounded pre-fabricated and neutered. No heart. It was as if they were into the sport for the sake of it (sports are great!) and not for affecting actual social change. The differences are fine but in exploring them one starts to see the dagger instead of the wound: The disappointment that characterizes my generation is a product of commercialized living. It's neither about education nor about the lack of some abstract "grit" that has curiously dissipated in the last twenty years.

The nature of consumption is existentially soothing because the basic want of the human animal is survival and then safety. Capitalism pushes the base desires of the animal and then adeptly carves a bloody, arbitrate line and says "that's enough. You eat well, you enjoy yourself, you talk a lot of crap. You made it. Do not hope for anything else." From there on up others run the show. Titans with a hundred arms, made of granite. On them the "upwardly mobile" yuppies and other baby sharks, like futile mosquitoes crash. Afterwards, what's left is either a comical stain that serves as a warning for their lessers, or perhaps the crushed spirits are assimilated, augmenting the ruler.

I do not blame anyone for the nature of capitalism, nor for how it has shaped me. It has shaped all of us, even if some like their comfortable rationalizations to spell otherwise. The lack of political mettle in my generation occurs because it has bought all it could up to "that's enough". Marginally below this line there is some sort of dignity to be captured, but above it flutters hope, distantly. And what's a youth without hope but with dignity to do? They find internal solutions, they exercise internal sentiments, they dare - somewhat - with their imagination. All my life I'm meeting solitary youths, with artistry and interests and depth, but where the "that's enough" of consumption has amputated concert, communality, hope.

That's how I am also. Often I think what I can offer as a solitary being and all I can muster is a little art. Brave perhaps and honest certainly but "that's enough". Then I have to watch my tv series, play my videogames, you know.

Some time ago, police men killed a youth. There was tremendous social uproar over it, riots and conflicts in the streets, vandalisms et al. Then we weren't talking about a European economic crisis yet. The political analysts were managing the startling social outrage with colorful adjectives. They explained that, alright, bad cops, that happens but please: no more vandalisms, no violence, no destruction of private property, no name-calling. "That's enough". And I sorta greed, scared and then I watched some good tv show or listened to some music, so on. Kinda like masturbating with your amputated arm, whistling inconspicuously all the while.

Some clever people will tell you they saw it coming back then, why the people were so inordinately outraged over the cop killers debacle but don't believe them (too much) they didn't see the economical crisis coming.

Generally, that's the position of the "that's enough" solitary-middle class. The system is something like an Unknown God. Past week the oracle decrees that "something bad is happening to lands far beyond but you're alright. Go watch some tv". Maybe this week the omens are different. Lightning strikes the oak asunder and the oracle moves her head patronizingly, left, right (and middle). The economy is collapsing, she says, in various European countries. The news sound kinda blurry, 'just words'. Why? Because that's how all the other 'world news' sound to us. We get a bit upset in the abstract and then we return below the line, thereby our dignity our television and our other goods.

The blurriness clears through repetition. No, no, seriously, the economy's bad. And it's going to get worse. At first everyone tried to play it off and return to their consumerist habits, the irony so startling that perhaps the word is meaningless, as if the lightning strikes and splits the brow apart instead of the tree.

At some point Greek guy starts feeling the economy thing in his wallet. Then Spectacle isn't helping as much because Spectacle needs to be paid for (amongst other things). Greek guy gets scared, resorts to the oracle. She says "it's your fault that you didn't expect it, perhaps not, now you will pay for it. Do you like apples?" Scared Greek guy becomes confused. Things get worse daily. Scared confused Greek guy becomes angry.

Therebelow the line, dignity, hope above, the waters dance. A storm's coming. At first I was scared do ("w-what, we won't have enough to feed ourselves?"), and then I got confused and then I got angry. I was angry back when a police officer murdered a youth and I've been angry before that a few times more. What is changing is that anger is clearing away slowly and what's left is a measure of hope. It's not much, I haven't gotten used to it, I haven't lived through it.

My hope then, is that things will get worse. Not in that we w-won't have enough to feed ourselves, but that we won't have enough to consume Spectacle, misdirection, sweet nothings. I hope that the certainties, the de factos, the a prioris, the rules of life will go up in the air along with everything else. Better to be uncertain than to be certain of oppression.

It would be healing, existentially, for all of us whose father said "I have hope and so should you" that the historical consequence operates as proof, even if it's just once. Perhaps I'll pay these words dearly in the future but that's alright, as long as I don't have to pay for what I don't owe. Then again perhaps the economy will bounce back exactly at the limit of "that's enough" and the momentum of this movement will fizzle out, but signs say no. In my 26 years of life, I don't remember a bigger storm, so let's look above our station, from beneath their line.

I don't hope for the fall of capitalism. My hope is tiny, it doesn't even know where to start with pulling up such weights. We will always return to the pursuit of comfort, that is the nature of the animal. I only hope that before everything goes back to relative normalcy (in the next five, ten years) we have the time to wonder and hope for ourselves.

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Saturday, April 25, 2009

Anatomy





Click on the image for full sized version. Preferably on a different tab than the text below.


This is the work process that I went through. The initial reference was this:



But as you can see I didn't trace it or follow it too much, actually. I just wanted to reference a real space to avoid specific issues of depth perception that would reduce the effect of feeling like you're actually in the back seat, I didn't want to fake a higher skill level than I actually have.

Generally, tracing an image is in my opinion bad form. However there are exceptions. The next shame image I am going to do is going to be a full-fledged trace of a photograph. I will discuss why it's not alright generally and why exactly I did it when that image is done and on the blog.

Using an image just as visual reference however, is as important as the artist feels it is for the viewer to directly recognize the minutia of a scene as apparent, fitting objects. Had I not used a photo of an actual taxi as reference and just went from imagination, I'd have probably completely forgotten about the voicebox, that is I think even a stronger visual confirmation of 'this is a taxi' than the running meter. However as you can see I wasn't shackled to reality here and I enlarged and simplified the meter and put it in a place where it would contrast white against darkness so as to drive the point home. Hopefully not many viewers has problems realizing this is a taxi, and the character we're going to be following is in the back seat of it.

Here I am trying to diffuse certain problems in the first small shame image where some viewers did not realize the thoughts were coming from a viewer on the street and not the sitting man himself. On the street it's difficult to implicate the viewer simply by having a vantage that befits the normal height of a human being (as I did in small shame part one) because viewers are used to these vantage points in movies all of the time and they certainly not always mean 'you are looking from the first person'. In the taxi situation however, almost all movies and comics and other visual media that employ this shot convey that the protagonist is in the back seat. So here I hope I've been more candid about what I'm going for than in the past image.

On A you can see how I space and sketch things out. Recently I've sorta abandoned working with broader, freehand brushes when setting up a scene. I have come to dislike the ambiguity of where a final line will be when you have a fat thick brush stroke that means 'here is an edge, somewhere'. There are too many potential final lines in a big fat sketch stroke, and it seems to affect my spatial relations between my various objects too much. And perhaps even worse, it seemed I had began to ink with too fat lines on the computer as compared to my hand-inked work to try to follow these ambiguous sketches, which I didn't enjoy. So I've sorta 'devolved' into working with straight, thin but strong lines for setting up a scene.

On B you can see what effect A has, with the two layers overlaid. I made various mistakes about judging the eye level of the driver and position of the steering wheel that I had to fudge around with. I'd prefer if in the future I didn't make these sort of errors, they just waste time and diffuse the clarity of the piece. On other parts of the image the inking remains very close to the sketch version, which is for my intents, a good thing.

On C we have the final inks, before I put on any gray tones. I debated leaving this piece at this level as there was something appealing about the way forms were dictated by smaller or bigger lines according to how close things were and I knew I would only hurt this effect when I laid on the gray tone. However, as you will see two steps below on the final image, there was an emotional effect that I wanted to convey that was worth the damage to the linework.

On D you can see the first layer of tone and grain. Again I could have stopped here but I felt that the scene was lacking a bit of weight and layer clarity so I added more dark grain in specific places to separate the levels. Note that I removed the insignia of the car brand on the steering wheel. I feel that any benefit the work would enjoy by using brands - in that the viewer will immediately feel this is a realer place because they recognize them - is offset unfavorably by propagating the mentality that brands dictate a realer world. They do not, the whole marketing mechanism in fact rests on the assumption that if the buying public (for the term 'people' does not occur in their lingo) integrate brands into their daily lives on the instinctual level they would be more successful in peddling their shit. There is a lot of semiotic dissonance that occurs for every human being that has to suffer through this process just in daily life, getting from place A to place B while under constant attack by brands and I'd rather not encourage it further, even if it hurts the realism of my work somewhat. The merit of the work will survive and I'll sleep better.

On E, the final image, the emotional effect I had to add is now hopefully apparent. The white glow of a beautiful day is bleeding through the edges of the glass, onto the spectral speech bubble of the driver. I can't exactly explain why this effect was so important but it came to me about midway when working on the inks and it really felt important to include. A strong separation between outside (bright beautiful and promising) and the guilt-ridden thoughts in the inside, conveyed in black and grain, the apologia of the letters in startling contrast, sharp against the forgiving blur.

One fear I have about the final image is that I might have described the car just a bit too much and instead of functioning on the emotional level the image looks a bit like a car commercial. That's ironic given my rant about branding, but I couldn't think of a different way to convey this shame without very very clearly showing a taxi in naturalist detail.

Also, I forgot to add arm hair to the taxi driver. That's probably a bigger hit on the intended realism than anything else.

-Helm

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Thursday, November 27, 2008

Oh No, Pornography!




Alright before the comic here for you non-Greeks a bit of contextualization is required.

In Greece, the newspaper medium is in deep crisis. People just don't seem to read papers as much as they used to and regardless of the whys, the way papers have deemed it practical to respond is to bundle with their edition various 'gifts' for the reader, to entice them to buy the thing for the other thing. One can spot the various problems in this practice pretty much instantly (and how they will eventually result to complete disassembly of the newspaper form), but I'm not here to discuss that right now, I'm here to discuss a penis.

When I went to work for this paper where the material of this blog was originally printed in, they were bundling pretty mundane v-cds and dvds of old movies (Godzilla Versus Killer Pollution, yes)or tv-shows (Bonanza... seriously) and indeed, the temperamental success the newspaper had experienced at times was directly relative to the quality of the bundled-in material.

So at some point it seems readership was lower than usual and they decided to put some soft-core porno in with the paper and see how that goes. I guess it went well? I'm not sure, I did not follow the print run numbers. I was beginning to feel a bit uneasy even then for the reasons you'll see in the comic below, but hey, it's just soft-core, it's people pretending to have sex, more hilarious than vulgar. A few months later they started giving hardcore porn with the paper, stuck a "forbidden to minors" sticker in the front of the paper as a point of 'edginess' and then it sorta became a real issue for me. If I were some sort of established entity in the print media where my name would not be associated with the various transgressions of a publisher it would be a non-issue, but this was my first wide public work and a statement seemed required from my point of view. The statement is below:



Now, had this piece seen print, I would have continued to work with this paper - though perhaps things would have gone south sooner rather than later - judging my opinion clearly voiced. However this page didn't see print. They ran something awful by an in-house graphic designer playing comic artist for that day I guess and in the awfulness of that specific page (a pastiche of 'political commentary' ridiculousness, imagine a caricature of a wealthy man with the words 'government' written on his hat pocketing a symbolic bag of money, seriously) I saw exactly how little my work was understood or appreciated and what instead was expected from me. I received no phone call before the page was pulled nor was I immediately let go. I suspect that had I sent a different page next week (with more people with 'government' written on their hats) I'd have gotten paid as usual. However I did not send anything nor did I deem it fit to discuss the issue since they would not discuss it with me and in that way my run with that paper ended.

It seems I was correct to think comics ware unappreciated to begin with at the paper because a week or so after I stopped working there they let go the two other comic artists doing work there for them and I felt sad and responsible, especially for my friend Mike who needed financial stability at the time more than I did. However responsibility lies with the employer who chooses in the end what he wants to run in his paper. If they wanted to pretend to be a classy paper and then bundle porn along with it to desperately try to sell it somehow, then they dug their own grave as far as I'm concerned. The whole premise of ethical responsibility is that you can't have your cake and eat it too. And in any case I'd rather not be done the 'favor' being printed if it is without the understanding and support of my employer.

After I left the paper I didn't feel like making comics for nearly 6 months. Dry spell ended when Vavel festival came about and I did some pieces for them and for our fanzine (Free Your Line) but generally since then my rate of production of pages has drastically slowed. On one part, I am not being paid to make comics anymore and that does have its effect, believe me, especially when you've just grown used to considering yourself a 'professional' and then the rug is pulled under you and you realize that not only you're not considered such by your employer but they don't consider you worth basic human decency.

A big reason I took two years to get this blog together is because I believed the material to be worthless. It's been a slow climb back to being reasonably happy with it and of course it's due to the feedback I've gotten by you, dear readers and humans. Thanks! I am still very adverse to putting myself in a situation where I have to justify why my work is good or what exactly it is that I am doing because of the newspaper experience. Sadly, international readers, this happens more than you'd expect because Greece is a culturally retarded country, where any humanist venture one attempts has to battle against deeply ingrained inertia in the distrustful public. Greece has fallen to a self-fulfilling prophecy: we have been systematically robbed of decency by demagogues and thieves, liars and marketers, in every aspect of our every day lives. Professional domains, personal, political, emotional all jeopardized. The Greek has been degraded and conditioned to accept his degradation as stable truth and 'nobody is better than the worst'. Nothing good can happen here and nothing good we will allow to happen here but we will still complain how nothing vital and positive, happens although we ourselves do not allow for decency and humanity in any aspect of our daily lives. But we mock. We mock everything, we mock the good with the bad and to hell with everything. Our country is our dumpster, our internet is our dumpster, our inside is filled with garbage and nothing. I'm kinda rambling, but this is on my mind a lot lately.

Anyway.

The material you've read so far along with a boatload of comic strips also done for the paper (of varying quality! I'm not much of a strip artist, I find) is slowly being compiled in a print version which I'll shop around to various publishing houses here in Greece. I'm going to see my last page printed at least. I don't look forward to being treated like a visitor from outer space by most publishers I'll meet, but eh, I'll deal.


So, the bigger reason for making this blog has been fulfilled. Now I'll go even deeper back in time and start posting my very first comics made during comics school, where I met the wonderful people with whom I were to start the 'Free Your Line' fanzine. An altogether different part of my life, one which doesn't terminate at 2006 but instead is vital and ongoing to this day. More on this soon. Who knows, perhaps we'll even reach the material I'm doing RIGHT NOW! Such futurism, such promise! We shall raise our dream machines into the sky!

Well, soon. It might be a week or more because I'm still making my new page for the Vavel festival. I'm 35% done, heh. It's taking forever. I think it's good, I can tell because it's one of the few times I'm actually having fun making a comic (it's usually pretty tortuous!).

- Helm

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