Asides-Bsides

Helm is -evidently- taking some time off

2011-11-22T05:02:00.004+02:00

Nothing after the jump.

Return here when it's time.

Belated mixed bag

2011-09-03T05:33:00.003+03:00

Life marches on. Here's a selection of recent illustration work, some personal scribbles and a small update of the goings on in Helmland.

(as usual, click twice for larger images)

I enjoyed some of these more than others, but I'm trying to keep my technique on a certain level regardless of the style of illustration. I'm getting faster, but I also get the feeling I should be going slower... more on this at some further point where my feelings have solidified some.

Turns out I wasn't done with Scribbler!

Some of these are lonely life-drawing studies, obviously. Others are from dream & imagination, as is more usual to me.

So I've settled in my new apartment and it's had a profound positive psychological effect on me. My distance from blogging as of late should not be interpreted as indicative of dire goings on, far the opposite, it seems I blog the most (and in the bitterest tone in Poetry of Subculture, I should add) the worse I'm feeling. Ultimately, my release from the blogosphere shall be the tolling of a new bell, yes. This blog is on the ebb because I'm not making a comic right now. The other blog is at high tide because I'm listening to Heavy Metal as much as I ever have, yet the silver key that is missing is entirely outside the artistic realm.

I've also done a very mediocre cover of Lordian Guard's 'Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God'. If you like this music (as well you should) and wondered how the lead voice is played, or perhaps you are a guitarist with time and ambition, you could do worse than watch this.

What else... I'm planning a short vacation to a greek island to meet up with friends I've sorely missed for the last couple of years, this is exciting. I won't be off for long, a mere four days, but it'll be revitalizing for sure.

I've been socializing a lot lately, trying to work myself into some sort of balance. This has been achieved, but I suspect it's a false balance for the weighs are uneven. I am currently single (though looking... in some fashion, I guess) and I've always done well to maintain pride and optimism when single (though my optimism manifests in dire declarations of darkest romance, such is the case with many self-important artists!) the real test is when there's common wellbeing at stake. We shall see. Studious introspection and therapeutic discourse seem to have some effect, at least. Aside from healing, self-awareness and a meta-narrative with explanational power, yes.

Today has been a very creative day. I shall try to fill the weekend either with breathing, talking faces, or with more artistry, let's not let it go to waste.

-Helm

Move almost done, also, a few decent illustrations

2011-07-08T23:21:00.002+03:00

Based on this illustration by Tabary. I never was the biggest fan of Iznogoud but it's one of these cases where after Goscinny stopped on it and Tabary kept going, the comic turned for the better (unlike Lucky Luke and Asterix). The more paranoiac-depressive Iznogoud gets, the best it is.http://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gif

More after the jump.

This one's actually one of the few I'm kind of pleased with, on the technical end. Again, it would stand to get another render/detail pass if I wanted it to look more convincing, but for what it is, I'm glad to have developed the skill and speed to do this sort of work.

In other news, I bought a bed and a desk and I'm moving out of here and in the new apartment, hopefully until Thursday max. I'm really looking forward to it, as we (roommate and I) have created quite a nice living space there and this is the sort of change that's good for me. I'll post a few pictures after we're done settling in.

-Helm

Scribbled ends, more work, thoughts

2011-06-20T11:01:00.004+03:00

As usual, click for intended sizes.

The color work is getting faster and more streamlined. I'm working under very tight deadlines. Eventually I'll become fast enough that I will be able to experiment more with formalist aspects even within those strict timeframes. I am enjoying my work more, at least. Some pieces are more painterly, others are more comic arty in their method, a good balance to keep me interested and the results relatively fresh. Now on to the last (? see below) batch of Scribbles.

Self portrait. This is probably my pick from the lot and my second favorite self-portrait on the whole. There's a slight psychoanalytical comment in this on how I use complexity as obfuscation, and therefore, as a shield. It's a reminder to untangle myself. That such a potent (for me) piece occurred through scribbling means the experiment was generally successful.

This is about details. Where the neck meets the jaw.

This is just cyberpunk faux-machinery stress relief inking. The last one I've made and the one that made me feel as if I'm done with Scribbler for now.

This isn't very good, but included for the soft approach. The program's not too suited for this.

This one was fun to do. It says "Thresholds" at the top. It's a re-imagining of a Heavy Metal album cover by the band Nocturnus, done from memory. I checked later to see how close it was. Not at all. This is also one of the rare pieces that I did where I started from a black base, hence the kind of chalky highlights and so on. Neat.

This is Roger Dean-esque stress relief. Enjoyable for me and a continuation from Scribbler_12b.png. Perhaps the ink hatching was a bit too harsh for the intended effect.

This is joyfully (or perhaps, morosely) subtitled "I am on the internet!". This little bird character has this wonderful landscape vantage from his treehouse and yet he browses.

The finality of the above theme. Trapped.

Scribbler helped in a very direct way with getting me back into drawing for pleasure. After ZX I've grown accustomed and perhaps dependent on 'perfect inking'. Great DPI, greater zoom strength, curve correction and other such OCD processes that make my inking perhaps a bit sterile. Once I got the critique "Helm, now that you ink digitally your stuff is worse" to which I replied "this is how I always wanted to ink so uh, bad luck for us both I guess". My aspiration for 'perfect lines' will never be satiated.

However this is akin to writing a book and never going on page two until the syntax and grammar (not to say the notions and thoughts) are absolutely as perfect as they can be. This is how I made ZX (more or less, nothing perfect there, but surely a struggle towards this direction) and I believe someone can write such a book if it a very important book to write, for their psychological well being.

However for faster, simpler, stress-relief work, this obsession with perfection is counter-intuitive. Scribbler helped in that it has no zoom and its mechanic for rendering is just a tad unpredictable. There has been a reconciliation with roughness in ink through it. I wonder if it'll impact my high-purpose work as well. I don't really know if I'm done with Scribbler completely, but I know that I'm done with using it every day for a while, at least. It's been therapeutic, but there's further steps to take now. I'm in the middle of moving out, life is happening!

Scribble me that

2011-05-31T14:31:00.003+03:00

The scribbling never ends.

Scribble me this

2011-05-28T16:17:00.002+03:00

This little program is really enjoyable.

More after the jump

I like it because it forces me to work directly in ink without much - non messy - method for correction, and of course because of how it behaves where closeby lines are introduced. These are chronological, so you can see how I increasingly tried to get it to behave like a regular inking tool (culminating in the image of the virginal goddess of hunt, Dianna) and how the one I did right after it (person reading book on vacation) I tried to let the capacity of the program dictate the style again. I might do more of these!

And if any of you draw anything with it, please show me.

Helm is 27 today.

2011-05-04T02:00:00.007+03:00

the future upwards expanding

So, another year closer to thirty. Thoughts and resolutions follow.

This year was a mixed bag. The resolution was, I believe, to get a job and/or publish the comic (ZX). Both of these goals have been achieved. A hidden internal goal of the last few years was also to achieve some sort of equilibrium between the internal drives and what I require from the people close to me. How to use them but not abuse them and how to be a better friend. It seems much more work has to be done in this front, but before I can tackle that, I need to feel more of an adult. So the next step is to become mobile and self-sustaining. In this vein, I'm planning to move out and get a motorbike license. And possibly find additional work to secure these new movements.

My emotional life has been in turmoil in the last 4-5 months, and this is one of the reasons I haven't been posting as much as I had in the past (the other being that I don't have many comics to post at the moment!). Pushing aside the feeling of disappointment and despondency (disaffection, disassociation, dissomething or another) I realize that half of the weight of this result, at least, rests on my shoulders. It is difficult to become a human. And I'll tell you readers why that is:

There's things inherent to one's personality they cannot tinker with without upsetting everything else that makes one what they are, good and bad. And there's other aspects of them that are unfavorable and it's moderately possible to amend them, to become a better human. A friend or lover or other such close person has an obligation towards you to make a judgment call on which of the debris of one's personality are which. They may say "this is just Helm being Helm and we shall accept him as he is" and this is healing and good if the aspect of the personality they are accepting is inherent and motivates both good and bad reflexes. That I am a person very prone to (over)analysis and navelgazing is such a characteristic. It cannot be fixed, I don't need anyone to try to fix it for me.

But there's also surface aspects of one's personality that, when accepted, tend to fester. That's where you need vigilant friends and close ones to push you along the road to betterment, not people that completely 'accept you as you are'. I'm struggling with some such issues, I am not sure where it'll lead. I wonder why humans feel such tremendous self-doubt, where this comes from and what purpose it serves and I haven't come up with any answers. I need to work a lot, and it seems, sometimes, work a lot alone to get to something concrete on this front.

So, along with 'growing up' a bit this year, moving out, being self-sustaining and all that, my parallel goal is the great work of self-understanding and self-acceptance in tandem. Not one without the other. Difficult balance through a misty field. The way is dim but somehow I may yet find it.

ZX in stores

2011-04-28T14:44:00.003+03:00

If you'd like to buy ZX from one of these following stores: Solaris, Comicon, Πολιτεία, Πρωτοπορία, Χρηστάκης, Τζεβελέκου you now can. Jemma also, soon.

You can order online here.

Nothing much after the jump, just contentment.

Recent work that I forgot to post

2011-04-17T12:59:00.004+03:00

Esteemed mr. Sarkozy and wife take a tour of Libya.

Greek business owners in anguish

Tina mpirmpili, Greek Environmental Minister in contrasting political shades

Daughter of politics and elder vampire father despair over recent poll figures. Yet they always survive.

Of the lot I am partial to the greek businessmen one. For once it printed large and very clear. Also, I utilized my comic art skills more than on the more painterly pieces I've been doing recently. I enjoy utilizing the skills I'm most familiar with, so it's a constant back-and-forth between painterly pieces I'm slowlhttp://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gify getting a handle on and more confident but perhaps styleclashing comic ink & color pieces. I'll follow both muses, split myself in half. From the husk a better man emerges.

Also if you're interested in Helmlife, there's a post in Poetry of Subculture which has more to do with that than with the Gods of Steel, so go, go!

I am listening to King Diamond's "Them". It is very good. What are you enjoying, readers?

Thank you / Ευχαριστώ πολύ

2011-04-12T00:21:00.007+03:00

It is done. It exists and it has been bought by numerous wonderful people. I feel elation not unlike that after having given birth. This is said with the lack of weight characteristic to the gender that will never have that experience and therefore approximates it with artistic endeavours, but even so!

Thank you to every single one of you that paid patronage for the book. I sincerely wish you are not burdened by the story and that you find something positive in it, as this is how it is meant. If you'd like to give something further back, you could discuss the book and your impressions in the comments here, or e-mail me in private (if you're the shy type).

Below repeats the same message in Greek.

Έγινε, υπάρχει και το αγόρασαν πολλοί υπέροχοι άνθρωποι. Νοιώθω ξαλάφρωμα ανάλογο μετά της γέννας. Το λέω αυτό με την ανάλαφρη διάθεση χαρακτηριστική του φύλλου που ποτέ δεν θα την έχει αυτή την εμπειρία και μπορεί μόνο να την προσεγγίσει με δημιουργήματα τέχνης, άλλα έστω!

Ευχαριστώ τον κάθε ένα σας που αγόρασε το βιβλίο. Ειλικρινά ελπίζω να μην σας βαραίνει και να βρείτε κάτι θετικό μέσα του, εγώ έτσι το εννόησα. Αν θέλετε να δώσετε κάτι σαν επιπλέον αντίδωρο, μπορείτε να συζητήσετε τις εντυπώσεις σας από το βιβλίο στα σχόλια παρακάτω, ή να μου στείλετε ιδιαίτερος μήνυμα εδώ (εάν ντρέπεστε) .

ZX says: Come to Comicdom

2011-04-08T09:51:00.003+03:00

That is all.

ZX coming out, finally!

2011-03-26T14:56:00.005+02:00

I have maintained radio silence for a while because this was in the works. So, at april 8, I am debuting the Greek-language publication of the all-improved, all-augmented, all morale-debilitating ZX comic on the Comicdom Convention. If you'd like to buy it, you could do worse than come over and say hi to me while you're at it.

If you're shy and/or hate filthy longhairs, you could pick it up at the usual Athens comics shops, and also for the first time, select bookstores (more info on that after the convention). If you'd like to make a direct order for whatever reason, this can be arranged (click on 'contact).

I'm very proud of how things have turned out with this comic on the whole. It's high time I release it to the wild, finally. I plan for there to be an international, English language release eventually. If nothing better comes up, at least as 'print on demand'.

I learned Quark Xpress in the span of two days in order to format the book. If you want something killed, you have to slay it yourself. But! In contrast with past self-publishing efforts, this comic is going to be distributed by the lovely folks at Comicworld, which will mean you stand more of a chance to actually find it in comics-relevant shops! Baby steps towards relevancy.

Excitement.

-Helm

More work, ZX update, more 'what I did', et cetera

2011-02-24T16:25:00.003+02:00

Click and click again for larger sizes.

First one is a 'nobody wants to be in charge when they pieces fall' type of thing, the second makes more sense for you foreigner savages if you look at a geographical map of Greece. The person doing the hacking is the esteemed mr. Papakonstantinou, featured once before.

As usual, if any of these strike a chord with the reader, feel free to link them around and whatnot. This is the purpose of political commentary.

Strangely, streamlining my process (to make increasingly hard deadlines) called for a return to digital inking, and a more watercolor type of soft wash. In any case, I'm getting faster/(better?). I regret how the second image is a photo trace, but deadline ridiculous called for 'anything that works' measures.

On other news! I've finally inked half of the missing chapter of ZX. Four out of the eight pages are done right now. The two first are introductory vignettes (seriously ten minutes to draw each), the middle two are heavy duty proper inking proper pages of proper artistry, then there's two sparser Eisner-ian pages that won't take too long to do. And then there's the final page, a comic strip I have in the past been torn on whether to do or not, to give a 'full circle' feel to the comic. I'd say I'm almost halfway with my final obligations towards this comic. Here's a teaser image of one of the more challenging inked pages.

Clicking for bigger sizes will prove fruitless. Buy the comic instead!

I'm proud of how this one in particular turned out. Hopefully next week, at the most the week after that, I'll be putting my final ink stains on ZX. And not a moment too soon, as we'll be going to the printers right after, and on the 8th of April it'll be for sale at Comicdom con. (I'll be posting more about this as the time approaches).

On other other news, one-coining ESP Galuda must have given me extra strength, because this week I managed to defeat an old foe of mine, Dodonpachi. Here's how this old devil plays, to give you an idea.

Actually it wasn't the second wind from finishing Galuda that pushed this one over the edge after years and years of playing. It was Ptoing (fellow shooter aficionado) telling me in conversation that I should switch from the red - laser ship to blue - shot ship, if I want to survive the first loop. So I did, and after a few days of re-training (blue ship is slower and its laser is much, much weaker than I have been used to) I one-coined this one as well! I bombed the hell out of the last boss. Let's just say that if DDP had auto-bomb on bullet proximity, I'd have finished the first loop years ago.

This is meaningless to the reader not familiar with the joys and frustrations of really hard video-games (or really hard hobbies in general, I'd expect) but it's a significant event in the lives of those given to such vices. I've been playing DDP off and on for what feels like at least six years, but it could be seven or eight too. To finally achieve some closure on such an endeavor has surprising psychological benefits. I feel like I can beat up a mountain right now. It's no wonder I inked for twelve hours in the span of two days. When I finished ESP Galuda I was somewhat "meh" about it, but here, after I got the Game Over screen there was straight-up primal hollering and sweaty adrenaline airfists and everything. Yes I realize that saying such things to the internet drastically increases my chances of sleeping alone for a long, long time to come, but hey. I'm Helm, I'm (trying to feel) fine with myself, how are you doing?

My fucking credentials, son

May the long-beaked stoic one reside in the pantheon forever!

Reality check: This is a small victory, as veteran arcade shooter players know. There's of course, a full second loop of Dodonpachi after the first one, which one is granted access too only on specialized conditions (scoring over 50,000,0000 points, only dying once or twice, getting all the hidden score items in at least four stages, that sort of thing). This second loop is somewhat harder than the first and at the end of it you face the true boss of the game, Hibachi.

Here's however that I draw a line. I'm not an obsessive achiever, I played DDP for all this time because it's a fun game to me, it seems perfectly balanced at the exact edge where my skill runs out and just before frustration sets in. I probably will still play it on and off, perhaps improve my score a bit here and there, but I'm completely resigned to that defeating the boss above is beyond my projected skill even years down the line. I have better things to do than train DDP every day concentrated for months (or possibly years) to achieve an one-coin two loop clear. So be happy for me for getting halfway there while still retaining some semblance of a social existence.

Let's see, what else did I do in the days between this and my last post? Did I post this?

I'm not helping my case with these projects, am I?

-Helm

What I did today

2011-02-19T18:59:00.005+02:00

The internet is a strange thing, it leads me from data to data and then the day is suddenly gone. Here's the magical path of today.

Early in the morning I read this. It's 26 pages, it took an hour but it was really fascinating if you're interested in the workings of cults and other faith-first based social mechanisms.

I found that link in the incomparable Illogical Contraption blog, where everything is what it seems, all at once, all the time.

Then of course, off of to Wikipedia.

There I read the article on L.R.Hubbard again (I have read a biography of his also which I felt was too sensationalized. The slow motion rape was quite interesting, though). There's a link there to Hubbard's connection to black magic. This isn't the article, but it's close enough. Couldn't find the real thing. Sometimes tracing the internet back is a dangerous proposition.

Somewhere in that article about Hubbard and black magic, there's the connection with Nazi Occultry. This book is namedropped and quoted:

Which of course I promptly found and read the first fifty pages of, which is frankly, as much as I want to know about Nazi Occult history. But it did fill in some gaps in my understanding of why and how the Nazi regime could hold such sway over the German populous (and no, it doesn't involve any mass castings of spells).

In that book, there is a quote of another book, the Black Arts

Which I found and read 50 pages of as well. Besides the very Heavy Metal-esque cover, the recounting here is more general and I didn't feel as if I were learning anything new. Somewhere in the middle of all this, I managed to one-coin ESP Galuda. "You managed to what, what?" You might cry. Well, to one-coin something means to play an arcade coin-operated video-game all the way through on one credit. This is a mean feat usually (sometimes not to video game aficionados because some arcade games are generally considered easier than others), especially to the eyes of laymen. I am partial to a type of shooter game called "Bullet Hell". I've been playing DoDonpachi for years and I was at one time close to one-coining the first loop of the game (after which you replay the whole game at an increased difficulty, something I never viewed as an accomplishment for my fragile reflexes). ESP Galuda is a far easier game to DoDonpachi, and after only a few weeks of casual playing, I managed to finish it. My final score was 16 million something something. From such statements you may glean into how little I'm interested in score-based achievement in arcade games. But I finished the damn thing. To give you an impression of what that entails, here, watch this:

That's the last half-stage and final boss rush.

So, eight hours later I am much informed on issues Scientologist, somewhat on Nazi Occultry, barely further on the dark arts at large. I also carved a completely useless notch in my gamer belt and extensively corresponded with a few people on the internet over various common interests. And soon I'm off to watch "Black Swan" in the theater. No work has been achieved, no wisdom gained.

My life is half like this, half a mad dash to complete artistic projects at the nick of time. What did you do today?

-Helm

More recent work

2011-02-13T10:51:00.003+02:00

"Troika rep: Excellent cuisine... you owe me one hundred and eighty euro!"

This is topical to a specific situation where representatives of Troika went to have a luxurious dinner in a Greece ravaged by severe economic legislation. But in a way, quite universal as well.

Ex-president Hosni Mubarak. This is a couple of weeks old, it was drawn while he was still in power. Good riddance.

Below the jump, ink and airbrush versions because I like to show steps.

I quite enjoy airbrush work of this type.

I generally prefer my black and white linework to the colored versions I do for work, but for this one I tried a few more soft-color techniques that I think worked out pretty well and look quite hand-made, so I guess I'm getting the hang of it.

... but all this is just a diversion. What you should be really reading is the post below. What I need to know is about the strength of your love.

Of Love and Excrement

2011-02-10T10:14:00.005+02:00

I can live with myself insofar that I not only realize I have destructive & insensible tendencies but I embrace them and channel them away from the people around me. Usually they manifest as art or other such narcissistic mirrors, or they just become (the playing of) video-games and wasted time. I sleep relatively alright at night because the moral values I've adopted from peers and family (and which I do not recognize as an ideology or basis of an ideology) dictate that one recalls whom they have hurt before they go to sleep. This is so ingrained in me that I'm actively distraught when I realize I've stood as a detriment to people's feelings and I try to make amends as soon as possible.

This is however, a more pleasant way to say I am confrontational and abrupt often in my social communication. I see problem - can we fix problem right now? - problem fixed - let's move on. More life experience, especially in the last couple of years, has shown me that this over-conscious method isn't exactly how people get over past issues. I come from a family of tough cookies who find it difficult to say the words "I'm sorry" at all (and even take pride in this in some warped fashion), so I've used to take inverse pride in at least being able to say these words when I felt I was in the wrong. It's a difficult realization that saying sorry isn't enough some of the time, though. It takes follow-up and careful consideration of distance to make amends. I write these things down so I can remember them.

All that said, sometimes seeming like a bad guy is a risk of communication in itself, and I accept this, because I desire things from this world too. Where the other person draws the line in what they're accepting to hear me tell them is something I can't know before I prod the space between us. And although I'm conscious of not appearing like a total jackass, I'm very curious about other people. I think existentially what I wish is to be reminded, often, that I am not the only person in this world (that other people aren't emotional and psycho-intellectual clones of me). We tend to congregate with our similars, so this is easier than it seems to forget.

Other people are fascinating. I remind myself of this by putting them on the spot with difficult questions and earnestly awaiting their answer. This post is about one such question I've put to the test many times and the range of responses I've gotten.

When I meet people I often grow impatient with small-talk. More in the past than now, but still. I think this is a common experience to introverts, they feel as if they're being manipulated when they extend the will for honest communication and what they get instead are safe pleasantries and bare-level social stroking. This is because honest communication is hard for introverts. It's the mark of a person without much social skill, it seems, to not pick up on the signals that the other person is just not willing to share any more than that at that moment, and to continue to prod. I have a lot of experience in this.

So often I meet people and I venture theoretical discussions to see what the other person can take. If we get to talking about interpersonal relationships, I recount, in even tone and without any telling emotional colorization, this hypothetical of a couple who are very much in love. Their love is perfect, they feel completely content together, their mind doesn't wander to other people's genitalia, they are absolutely content to be together for the rest of their lives. One supports the other in their life endeavors, yet allows space for them to grow individually. They enjoy a fulfilling sexual life, they're intimate on a deep level, they do not misrepresent each other to the outside world, it's all roses. I suggest that the person I am talking with is in such a relationship at the end of the flavour text.

I let that scene settle in in the mind of my conversational partner, which is a small cruelty, because it is a beautiful hypothetical and what I do with it later is disconcerting. I allow myself this small cruelty (for many reasons but also) because what I describe above is dangerously close to some Hollywood movie cliche , and although - honestly - I do believe that such couplings can exist in life, it can't be clear from my retelling to this point that this is so, so it sounds like a comfortable but distant fairytale where the other party to this conversation can swim about in for a time and then that's that, thanks, weird longhair I met! No, no. We're not done.

Then I introduce the issue: let's say the other party to this relationship approaches you (from third person to second person) reticently and lets you know that although your relationship is so great and so fulfilling... they have a want, a secret desire, a sexual hangup, something that could be considered aberrant behaviour. They've had this desire before they met you and they have it still, it's part of their emotional makeover and it's not going to go away just because your love is strong. This much is clear.

They're willing to live without their desire because what they get from the rest of your relationship is that potent. They know a good thing when they see it and they're not stupid enough to risk everything just because of such a small thing, so harshly judged in the eyes of society too. Yet, it is exactly because they feel so at ease with you that they're compelled to tell you what it is, to feel accepted and to fully belong in the relationship. They like to be defecated upon.

Now, the implication is clear that although this person will remain in the relationship with you (or so they profess at least) regardless of whether this aberrant desire of them is fulfilled, there is a reason they shared it with you. They word it in such a way that it seems as if the reason is sharing, but anyone with half an heart knows human beings aren't so simple. The first step in accepting oneself is saying the words that describe oneself to the world. There are more steps. Wouldn't you, dear co-conversationalist, who have been so gradually ensnared in this theoretical situation, have to consider their desires in this light? Wouldn't you have to, in your full and blooming love, calculate on whether you will concede to their desire or not?

I've gotten a range of responses to this querry from a range of people. To (some?) credit, I've chosen targets at least adeptly enough that outright abandonment of the construct once fecal matter is introduced, is not a common retort, although whether they keep with it because I seem like a person who genuinely wants to know or because they want to 'show me their guts', I do not know. Now, before I present the range of response I've had to this, I urge you, reader and human, to consider where you stand yourself on this. Although the construct might appear cartoony (perhaps) or grotesque (certainly) at first, anyone that has been in a relationship can see the implications of the dysfunction described here. I may not be into coprolagnia, for one, but I am into other things... aren't you?

How strong is your love?

So you've considered your options (I'd appreciate reading them, by the way. Even if you feel the range I describe below captures your position as well... please don't shy away from putting it in your own words.) and you have internalized the issue. You have a position on this matter, most probably not colored by actual life experience with something as strongly aberrant as fecal play, but instead approximating it via more pleasant & civil vices. Perhaps you've allowed for worse, perhaps you've been horrified with much, much less. However, you have altered yourself to get to this, to an opinion. You are not what you where before this theory was presented to you, out of the blue, in some social function where you met some longhair and his friends who, more used to his bad manners, might look at you as some ancient Greek chorus, waiting your considered reply. Here's what I've got so far:

Negative:

* Absolutely out of the question. I know what I like and I don't like this. Not only will I not do it, I will break up with that individual, though it's no skin off my back: people are different and they eventually realize. He might find what he needs elsewhere, I certainly will.

* Not only will I not do this horrid thing, I never want to see them again. I feel completely betrayed in my love and trust. How long have they wanted this? Do they imagine me in such-- I can't even consider it.

* No way. This person is clearly emotionally unstable and I will try to get them into psychotherapy or even more drastic assistance. For them to have these desires something must be very wrong with them and although your relationship is over, my last offer of good will is to help them on the road to recovery.

Bargaining:

* Can't we meet in the middle somehow? Fake it? Chocolate's close enough, isn't it? I don't hate this person for their kink nor do I think it upsets the basis of our whole relationship, but I can't see myself committing to this completely and utterly. Can't we work through this somehow? Wouldn't they understand if I explained my incapacity to them?

* Let's say I do this... what's in it for me? Relationships are a transaction anyway, and this probably comes at a high cost. Does it mean I get to explore real and invented lusts as well.

* Well alright, let's say I do this, she'd have to stand still and I'd take a dump on her and not touch any of the shit myself, so everybody's happy.

Accepting:

* (usually a long pause to think, often after some of the bargaining positions were initially tested and discarded) If I love them so much, I guess I'd try to make them happy in this way as well. I can't make any promises on how it'd impact how I feel for them, though.

That's usually the range. Most people aren't ready to adopt one stance seconds after the hypothetical is presented to them. Often they try to work through them to see what reflects most favorably on them, with me being the reflection. I do not offer judgement in return, I just work through the common arguments for/against more stances. Most people who start out in the negative range stay there though. Often people who negotiate end up accepting the situation. Only very rarely have I met people who were accepting relatively early in their consideration of the issue. I do not think it was because I just stumbled on their hidden sexual fantasy at all.

Now, most of these positions have merit to them. It's easy to criticize those that are negative with empty claims of intolerance. However, it seems to me all three negative stances have to them a basis in real life experience, not the airs of untested ideology. The first one one is very practical, for example. Instead of trying to fix every problem that may come up in a relationship, it knows when to cut its losses and start searching anew. It doesn't romanticize a relationship as some sort of Godly coupling that happens once in a lifetime and knows that although relationships take hard work to function, there's some things that cannot be fixed with just hard work. It seems to demean the power of 'True Love' but ... some people actively live like this and are happy with their choices, so who am I to say they're going about it wrong.

The second negative position seems reflexive and prideful, but then again, love can be said to be as much about the love of love itself than it is about the love of the internal representation of one's partner. It's relatively easy for the feelings between a couple to be damaged once doubts enter the picture. Once the innocence of love is lost, it is difficult to regain. Although the person with the sexual desire might be able to see "the other being covered in excrement" as a profoundly innocent and beautiful mental picture, this is a big chasm to bridge, perhaps too big to try.

The third negative stance is super-judgmental and uses pop-psychology in an ugly way: to marginalize the Other and condemn them to a lesser life for their issues, perceived or real. However at its core it has a real insight. A person who has a very strong sexual fetish such as coprolagnia might often be unable to function sexually without it, and to the degree that they've managed so far they've been "faking it", inwardly imagining their fetish even in the course of regular sexuality. How would you feel if you were the subject to the worst thing in the mind of the person you loved and trusted? Not all sexual deviance suggests emotional troubles, but all mental troubles seem to come hand in hand with sexual deviance of some sort. People are trained to keep away from others with mental or psychological issues for a reason. It's a risky life to stand next to such a person, and love might not be enough.

From the bargaining positions:

The first one seems wishy-washy. Anyone how has a strong imagination as to what true love must be will rebel to such a position. Compromise isn't something that comes to mind when they think of true love, instead they expect everything to click immediately and completely, effectively all the hard work with being with somebody else is nullified. For those people, true love mostly means 'comfortable love'. The person trying to compromise isn't actually taking the most comfortable route in this case because they'd have to meet somewhere in the middle in the end. They'd have to do at least half of something really unpleasant to save their relationship, and the results might not be enough after all. It's a risk and an ongoing burden.

The second seems crass and inhuman, but I think what's mostly crass about it is that some people would admit to feeling this way (though as I say they are usually circumspect about how they phrase this). In reality, most people consider the pros and cons of a relationship in such a fashion, at least at some point. So this person has this and that annoying trait, but they do that and this for me, so I'll stick around. Although we do not like to subject our romantic notions of true love to such measuring, the person who expresses this position is more likely to achieve a fair transaction with the other person. However transactions, as fair as they may be, are no longer innocent, and this will come to the forefront as a much bigger problem than any pile of poop could ever be, eventually.

The third bargaining position to me seems the most misogynistic (because it was a man, and a very beautiful man at that who expressed it) and inhuman of them all really. They say they're willing to treat their true love as a toilet, as long as they don't get any shit on them. It is implicit in the original scenario that whomever is willing to entertain the notion of remaining in this relationship would have to not only talk the talk but dance the dance. Only the most dim of hearts would consider such a solution, I think. From the whole range of responses I've gotten to this question, this is the only one I cannot find any merit in.

As to the accepting position. It is beautiful, is it not? I am glad such people exist, as I'm sure you are also. However... it should be telling that the people who have replied so were either young or of little life experience in matters sexual. The imagination of the aberrant act itself comes easier to those that have perhaps strayed closer to some variants than none of them, and the imagination is a powerful thing. As they imagine strongly the beauty of what True Love could be and say 'I'd do anything for it', others imagine strongly the stench of excrement and know what they would do to avoid it.

As to my own position, I fluctuate between a negative position, a bargaining position, and sometimes the accepting position. Whenever in my mind through over-thinking I have pacified this example, I try to switch it around. What if a person wanted to molest children along with me? What if the other person was very into getting cut with knives during sex? What if the other person wanted to be beat up? The examples are rotated to regain distance: the issue is the cost of intimacy and one's preconceptions about how similar other people are to themselves. We are a solipsist species, the result of sentience is undoubtedly profound loneliness. We seek the intimacy of our mother and father when we were infants, we seek to return to genesis, to a time before self-knowing. We might have to crawl through glass and excrement to get there.

If this world is a hallucination, Facebook's like that trip within a trip

2011-01-28T00:48:00.008+02:00

Speaking of tripping, esteemed ex-prime minister Mr. Simitis in unpleasant shades of puke. Reference. I tried a gradient map this time (these last few ones are drawn in grayscale first) instead of multiply & overlay layer, it has this particular clean 'graphic design' look to it. Then I did the sweaty highlights on top, it's a simpler piece but I rather like the end result.

So I joined Necronomicon-Facebook and connected (and re-connected in a few cases) with friends and acquaintances from the past. It's a weird thing, to see the faces of people you haven't seen in ages, see them all grown-up and yet still have an internal representation of them as kids. Unsettling, really. I walked around in a haze of "what year is it?" all day yesterday.

Anyway, the predominant comment I got from disparate sources was something along the lines of "you're the last person I ever expected to join Facebook". Well apparently I am the last person to have joined Facebook because they locked registration right after me, so that's a redundant comment on the factual level (this is a lie). Secondarily though, as to the spirit of the comment, it's really fascinating to me the sort of guilt those statements have behind them. Do you guys not want to be on Facebook? I don't like the dark corporate forces behind the service either and I don't intend to make it my new god, but I don't think that's what the comment is about. I think these people feel guilty for wasting too much time on Facebook and they're distraught to see yet another victim fall in the hole.

I'm very aware of what I am going to use Facebook for and for how much. I'm not going to play farmville compulsively or stalk highschool almost-girlfriends. Is the supposed indignation over a perceived shift in my ideology that allows for this new Facebook Helm? I'm afraid I might have come off as like a hardline vegan or whatever when it comes to some communicational platforms I've decided not to use in the past, like cellphones or facebook. I use others (I am on an irc channel constantly, for example and have been for almost ten years now, I employ three e-mail adresses and their respective instant messenger services). I help run two widely-used forums. I know how to use these things. First time I talked with a stranger on the internet, it was in ICQ - do you remember that can't-take-it-back-now chat client in it where it showed the other person as you typed each individual letter, as opposed to the whole string when you pressed return? You couldn't edit your words, you had to think on your feet. That was cybercore, not this Facebook devil.

Okay, so, it'd be a lie to say that there's no ideology in my not having been on Facebook for this long. I think it's more a case of doing first, rationalizing why I did it second, mostly. I simply thought I didn't need it to be a good friend and keep in touch. I had telephone numbers and msn addresses, right?

Well, wrong. I've come to slowly realize that a lot of people I would like to communicate with have migrated fully to that service and have trouble keeping in touch otherwise. It really seems just picking up the phone and cold-calling someone you want to talk to is becoming more and more difficult. Instant messengers still get a lot of use but try keeping your contracts in order when you've got a hundred business connections there along with friends and people who just added you and perhaps said one thing to you, ever. So instead of hermiting down and getting off of the internet (my usual fantasy), I've made yet another account for yet another internet thing. Am I glad that a scary corporation will keep my corpse alive on Facebook even long after I've been on this world? Not really, though it's a perhaps morbidly fascinating idea on some level. Am I worried about my privacy? Not that narcissistic, really - I don't think anyone will care about me being in this picture or that besides the people that I wanted to look at those pictures anyway. I'll nevertheless be careful with what's I put on there just because that early-internet-adopter paranoia is hard to shake off. I generate my ten-digit passwords randomly with assorted utilities for Christ's sake. I've almost read half of the car-crash that is Snow Crash, I've pondered on the digitization of the soul, I'm not afraid of fucking Facebook.

(Though I am. I am really scared of how it shows me how faulty my memory for faces and names is.)

The lesson I need to learn is I suppose, to not frame my utilitarian choices in an ideological facade (wait, mixed metaphor) -- I'm actually not sure if it's wholly my fault or that people prefer to interpret me in that way, but it's something to keep in mind. And I am looking forward to when the internet migrates to some new variation of Facebook that isn't owned by some evil corporation - and then five years after the rest of the world, when Greece will also adopt it. That'll be nice. Until then, my name's in the dead book.

Playing with History

2011-01-23T11:01:00.003+02:00

Greek minister of Education makes history an opt-in course in the last two years of highschool. Drama ensues. Small moves lead to bigger repercussions.

I wish I had a few more hours to render the kariatides statues, but all in all I'm please with the piece. I appreciate the cruel slapstic of capturing this exact moment in the picture, before the real mess. The "oh nooooo!" factor.

On other news, today was a difficult day but tomorrow will be better, and the next day after that, hopefully. Sense of balance will be restored, I'll have to keep working on it. Sorry for being cryptic, more of a personal reminder when I read back on my posts a few years from now, perhaps.

-Helm

Kinda interesting from a technical standpoint

2011-01-15T11:20:00.003+02:00

All photoshop. Not even any Manga Studio sharp-brush stuff this time around. Abandoning my pencil work base was a good piece of advice, at least until I learn to color properly. The background thing was a last minute inspiration, I kinda like it more than the figure itself now, heh.

It's difficult to let survive any 'artistric' quality to the brush strokes after blending. Experienced color-work artists have an amazing knack for this, I hope to develop something half-way passable in this respect.

I need to make time to draw the last ZX chapter too. Busy busy busy.

But reasonably content!

Here's one I had absolutely no ethical compunctions about

2011-01-08T16:43:00.003+02:00

When I got this job I used to joke how I wish they'd let me draw mr. Pagkalos. He's a Greek politician of our 'socialist' party, PASOK. He's a very special breed of person. Here's what he looks like:

The reason I wanted to draw him is not because he's fat or funny looking. It's because he's one of the few Greek politicians I've noticed displaying outright cruelty, malice, base hatred fueled by so much cynicism he almost becomes a real-life caricature of the scheming opportunist politician -- until one realizes he is an influential person that used to make, and is poised to make again, very ruinous decisions that affect the future of a whole country. It's not so funny then.

So Mr. Pagkalos recently went on record about all Greek civil servants, that they are "mutts" and that if he (and his government) are at fault for embezzling public funds, then these citizens are as much if not more so at blame for going along with it for their slice of the pie. The stunning implications of such a statement are, as the internet says, stunning. Such a statement would be career suicide in most other countries, but not in Greece. Greece is in serious peril, but Greece isn't serious.

So here's a caricature of a caricature. The drawing is powerless. Mr. Pagkalos will matter more in geopolitical terms than anything any sane person can do to make the Greek situation better.

"At least I am of a certain pedigree"

First drawing of the year. Happy 2011.

Symbols in the sky

2010-12-31T15:38:00.002+02:00

On the European meeting deciding the method and time-schedule through which the working class may best be exploited. Apparently the big dogs are having some disagreements as to how to go about it.

"Mysterious currents up there"

And here's the art for a mock-up like Time's 'man of the year' covers, of Greek minister of finance, Giorgos Papakonstantinou, who acts as the liaison between foreign and domestic powers deciding, again, the best way for the sheep to be fleeced.

Though the graphical element is missing, imagine it saying "Papakonstantinou: (Worst) man of the year"

The second one is interesting, technically, because every color you see on there is on a separate layer, and is completely opaque, there is no soft blending or mixing like you would have with real media, there's just dots and contours. This is very close to the method I use to color in my pixel art pieces. It's very time-consuming but it seems worth investigating because I have great control over every shade that makes it up on the screen/page. The image is photo-traced, sadly. If I had more time I'd transfer properly (silly little grid and all, or perhaps even eyeballing like I usually do) but the rendering needed many hours in itself, there just wasn't time for artistic pride in the copy process.

On other news, we're almost out of 2010. Difficult year but interesting. I kept the promises I made around the same time last year (get a job, figure some internal shit out) and this year I'm going to commit to furthering both work and personal ventures at the same time, to find a way to keep the juggling act going without much sanity loss. Also I am committing to being a better friend for my friends, to contact them more often and to find more time in my week to pay them visits. I also want to become a person less prone to severe statements and value judgments, but I fear that's too ingrained in my personality to be something so easily managed. Also, I probably should devote some time to both physical and emotional therapy, since I can now sorta afford it and parts of my body/psyche need it. What will you do this year, reader?

-Helm

I guess I wasn't done.

2010-12-20T15:42:00.001+02:00

I'm inking an extra chapter for ZX. I wonder if I should put it online here or just save it for the print version.

It's about 6 pages (some of them sparser than others). It goes right after the flashback sequence with the car crash, but before the final chapter (9) where Stephan and ZX say their goodbyes. It documents in more detail the psychological fallout of what happened and how exactly, the ZX entity came to appear out of that.

Also a final page after the end of the comic, which as some readers might remember, I've debated on including.

The missing chapter could be inferred by the reader but I felt that there is a degree of anguish and mental-mutilation involved that I didn't trust the reader to invent in the case they've never lost someone they love very much. As I didn't want this comic to just tall to the grief-stricken about what they already know, I'm in the process of inking that extra chapter.

Then I'm done. Honest.

Should I post it here or should it be an added bonus for the print version, you think?

I'm doing some work for a magazine

2010-12-08T19:29:00.004+02:00

It's called Epikaira, which is Greek for 'current events'. It's a political mag through and through. literally. The content is fiercely committed to the examination of current affairs both native to Greece and in the more broad geopolitical sense, from first page to last. It's kind of a challenge for me, this context, but I'm growing accustomed to it. Coworkers are very kind and I have been paid promptly and fairly for my efforts, so there's that! (I hadn't posted about this job until first compensation to avoid a reprise of the previous fiasco)

Below follows some of the imagery I've been creating for them.

Julian Assange opens the floodgates

Dominique Strauss-Kahn hops from parliament to parliament merrily

New Thessaloniki mayor is bent in attracting Turkish vacationers with a brand new mosque

and so on.

This is an interesting thing for me because I do not come up with the themes of these. They illustrate pieces written by independent editorial, with whom I must be in constant conversation. It's an interesting take of 'tell me what to draw' and I'm glad I did a bit of that in this blog before I went out to search for work, as it helped acclimatize me with editorial demands. I'm still working around the ethical conundrum of drawing some of this stuff, but I'll return to this subject in the future, when hopefully my opinion will have crystallized. It does serve as a great opportunity to sharpen both my skill at capturing likeness (dreadful) and my skill at colouring (beyond dreadful).

I do one piece for them a week, which allows for independent projects on the side. For the last month and a half I've been working for them, I have focused my free time in pursuits far from the drawing pad however. Writing about music and playing it as well. It seems I can't draw and then draw some more, easily. I'm sure when I have something important to say with pictures again, I'll do so. Colouring my last 24 hour comic is in the back burner for now.

This job will also finance the printing of the ZX comic, so there's that. And perhaps most importantly, this will be the first Christmas I'll be able to afford gifts for friends and family. I do not have a lot of protestant-esque pride in being a worker, much to the chagrin of other-minded family members, but there are certain advantages in having a modest income I do enjoy.

I'm not sure I should be posting the work I do for Epikaira as it's more-than-slightly outside the blog's scope. However it doesn't seem like I'll be doing more comics very soon, not until ZX is published, at least. The blog has been relatively quiet for a while, perhaps it's best to leave it like that until circumstance requires otherwise, no reason to force a semblance of activity. Those that must absolutely read Helmwords can migrate to Poetry of Subculture, which will remain more active.

If you're feeling some reticence over my newfound employment, you're right. I have doubts about many things and this year will be the one where I test some limits and make some informed (rather than imaginary) decisions on what I am to be. This sport is a costly one in currency of psychological wellbeing, I hope everything is going to be alright in the end.

Man of Many Doorways

2010-11-09T16:45:00.006+02:00

Pal TV effect fits this one. Clean pixels on Pixeljoint.

Here's some CPC eye-burnage for you too, courtesy of Ptoing.

Talk is not conversation.

2010-11-05T18:32:00.002+02:00

I'm told I am twenty-six years old and although I do not remember any real difference from when I was sixteen, that's probably the ghost of sentience giving me a false sense of continuity. I must have mutated a lot since then. Part of this process is reportedly maturation -- I am not certain on whether this is a real thing or an imaginary effect embroidered by thousands of years of literature, but I generally give these common knowledge concepts more the time of day now than I used to in the past. Does that prove something? I guess I'm less angry, less determined to change the world and more stoic and trying to accept the world as it is now. Is that what maturity's supposed to feel like? I don't know. I don't feel wiser in any case. Just more sensitive.

Here's a thing I'm more sensitive about lately. As most of you readers know by now, I'm an overthinker and an introvert pressuring himself to be an extrovert. I find social situations difficult and I've tried to stick to methods I feel work in order to get through them relatively unscathed. I avoid - if I can - gatherings of people where I have to interact with too many of them at once - not good at spreading myself thin - and when I talk to a specific individual, I try to have a real conversation with them. I always used to think this is a no-lose strategy as far as honoring the social code goes, even if they didn't end up liking my personality per se at the end of the meeting.

I'm slowly realizing that that's a wrong approach. It has to do with the discrete social differences between talking with someone and having a conversation with them.

I'm an introverted person who turns to the arts for self-expression. When I make something, a picture or song or comic or whatever else, that's enough in itself as far as self-expression goes. This is the reason I often make art and do not show it to many people at all. This makes sense as it is cowardly. A conversation with oneself really, art. The person who is not artistically inclined would have to suffer much greater risk when they want to express something: they'd have to talk to another human being face to face.

So when I do engage in conversation with people, what I'm after is not a lot of self-exposition, I don't discuss to turn the conversation on me even if I talk about my experiences a lot. It's always building towards an extrnal construct to be scrutinized by both parties, tinkered with and disassembled for mutual interest. Because I find other people fascinating through the subject, I learn a lot through this, a lot about them, their sense of reality and in informs my own point of view and reality as well. I don't express, I am impressed upon.

So when people talk to me, I often default to engaging in conversation with them, instead of just listening to them until they're done. Those of you who are like me probably immediately know what I'm talking about when you read this. With age I'm beginning to realize that whereas, when I am comfortable with someone, I want to converse with them on a topic with a degree of rigor and achieve a positive movement through the argument, when most other people are comfortable with someone, what they want to do is express themselves in that safe space. They get really ticked off - though they don't always show it - when the conversationalist is trying to move their self-expression towards argument time.

The social code for these two situations is very different. One encourages and rewards rhetoric and logical gambits, it's almost a game of 'let's see who can find the smartest solution on what we're talking about'. The other rewards patience and non-judgment until some serenity is achieved. One state is problem-solving, the other is problem-accepting. Both are very valid impulses.

Most people who do not make art do not have a direct way to work themselves out, that is, to problem-solve the art coward way, without needing other people and their hanging judgments. Their mirror isn't painting or music or writing, it is other people. Fractures hang in the balance when they express themselves in that space.

So slowly I'm adopting a new mode of social interaction with new people (and some old people I've perhaps misunderstood). When they talk to me, I don't mistake that for a conversation. The implication is that people want to talk to me - sometimes at length - and I should mostly keep quiet. They'd never say that out loud but that's what's going on. If they want me to tell them my opinion, they'll nudge me for it, it's not taken for granted that because they're talking to me on a subject that appears within limits, it really is.

This probably reads as painfully basic to half of you. Just think of the other half that's struggling to realize this social nuance for decades.

Also it might be too late for me to change my social persona on this level. The people that know me and hang out with me are usually logical debaters. Like seeks alike and all. If I start to go quiet they'll take that a sign of boredom or frustration. So I'll have to choose when to test this out well.

For people like me, when we're told something and we do not have something to reply with we feel unease and almost anxiety, as if we're failing some social test and we'll not be liked and popular because we didn't have something profound to offer. On the other hand, for those that seek self-expression through talk, the constant barrage of the opinion-nerds is suffocating and exhausting.

I'm not going to be a therapist for every person I meet. But instead of taking sociality for granted, let's instead keep this as a reminder: when people want to talk and self-express, even if there's violence or ignorance in their mode, that's still part of human interaction. The choices should not be binary: either even-handed logical analytical debate or abject silence. It's a difficult thing for me to internalize, but I'm trying.

Cat Castle

2010-10-26T14:55:00.003+03:00

I'm cat sitting for this cat. And he's awesome.

ASCIIpaint... descent into a deeper pit of nerddom

2010-10-23T19:23:00.003+03:00

Yeah, Melly made a tool called ASCIIPaint.

It's pretty rad.

Here's an image I made using it. The first of many.

(god, click it. Click it before it dies!)

Follow thread, app development and make your own art by getting the tool from here.

I have no idea what this looks like to people that don't immediately get how the picture is composed. As a long-time pixel artist, I find this method of work very refreshing because the pixels are LARGE and the symbol characters smaller, so there's a degree of reversal of pixel art methodology to this. Which probably means I'll make more art for it.

Work-related troubles, some c64 art and other talk

2010-10-23T15:32:00.006+03:00

Hi. Remember when I used to post regularly on my blog? Ah, those simple times.

The reason I've been sparse lately is because I'm trying to get stable work in the Greek magazine arena. It's proving difficult. The job I thought I had at Plus magazine is out, apparently. It's an interesting little cautionary tale so I'll recount it briefly for those of you who are also looking for work in the same field. Good to know what's going on out there, right?

I approached Plus to publish comics and do illustration work for them. They said yes, they want an illustrator (as a stable member, who'd work on a few pieces a week) and after a few months when Plus can support it, we could talk about putting some comics in there too.

We explicitly discussed payment, and the plan was this: I wouldn't be paid much of anything until the magazine was stable and drawing advertisement funds. Then I'd be paid as would befit a professional. It was a gentlemanly agreement, and one that is somewhat common with starting up magazines. I don't like these arrangements, but the financial climate in Greece is very difficult now so I hoped to get in on the ground level and work my way up to a humane wage by doing good work. Does that sound simple-minded? I worry about my world-view sometimes.

I supplied art for two of the issues, which I've reposted on this blog for your assessment. I didn't get any calls back for the third issue, and I e-mailed the guy in charge with something like "hey, I guess there wasn't anything to illustrate on the third issue?". No reply. A day later, I call him up and he says "...there wasn't anything to illustrate on that issue, but there'll be more work for you soon, for sure." The fourth issue ran a reprint of a story from a different magazine, and when I was asked to illustrate it, at the very last minute I was canceled because as they found out, when you reprint a story from a different mag, you have to carry the photographic material from it as-is. Those are the breaks, no worries, right?

Well, the last words I heard from the person in charge there, were "There's going to be more work for sure, I'll call you in a couple of days". Here we are a couple of weeks later and there's been no follow up. I take it as a given that this job has therefore fallen through. Any imaginary wages for past work are forfeit, obviously. I've began looking for work elsewhere (though I'm hesitant to post about that yet because I fear the same stop-starts don't make for fascinating reading. If something becomes stable, I'll let you know.) I fear it'll be a repeat performance of this, however.

Here's what's there to take from the Plus situation.

1) Obviously, my work isn't good enough for me to be a sought after artist. Or perhaps more importantly, my name doesn't carry enough weight to be treated with respect by publishers and editors. I will find something positive to take from this realization. I'll become better -- as good as I can get until publishers are proud to have me and pay me for my work. And I'll publish my ZX comic and promote it as much as I can withstand before I go to anyone and ask them to give me work.

2) That said, I should expect and familiarize myself with the reality of employment: professionals acting unprofessionally, not returning calls or giving feedback, canceling me at the very last minute, demanding art at unreasonable time frames, of course not paying me if they can get away with it and finally dropping me without as much as a phone-call. I am not an idiot, I realize employers are not my friends, but you'd expect fields like the arts (which are about specialist skills, it's not about flipping burgers which anyone can do) to have at least a standard of courtesy and communication about the common goal.

3) I get a very strong sense that what was expected for me in that situation was to constantly pester the editor in chief for more work; Call every day, beg and plead for him to throw me a bone, and be glad when I got it. For work that I wouldn't be paid for. I find the ramifications of this employer-worker dynamic very bothersome and do not wish to stoop at this level. I am not in danger of poverty at the time being because my father supports me. I can afford to treat myself with a degree of self-respect... but for how long?

I'm not going to lie, this sort of thing has its psychological toll. Last time it happened to me (the Paraskevi 13s fiasco) I dropped out of the comics world for a full year. It took this blog, and the readers of it letting me know my stuff's worth a damn over and over to get any sense of artistic self-esteem back. Now I have to suffer diminished repeats of the same performance a few times in a row... it won't be as bad because wisdom comes from understanding pain but it doesn't stop it from being very disorienting.

The worst aspect of it is might be that it's not really promoting my work as a comic artist. Getting 'your name in print' is not worthless, of course, but getting it connected in people's minds with what you consider your signature work is the most important goal. Illustrating a piece of text, no matter how smartly or beautifully you do it will not help with publishing comics. It might pay some bills but... the jury's still out on that one. I fear that in my journeys as illustrator-for-hire I will not be achieving much. I am pondering on my further choices in this light.

So, take this as a word of warning: unless you're an amazingly super-talented blindingly awesome artist that is great at self-promotion, has a following and know how to sell yourself and pressure employers... be prepared to be swindled and disappointed by the Greek press over and over. I sincerely hope you don't, but I have to be honest with my own experience if it's to be worth anything to the reader.

On other news, I've started inking and coloring my 24hr comic and I'd have posted a page or two here already here it not for job distractions. On some level I'm just waiting for my current employment plans to fall through too so I can focus on my comics again. Comics, that's what I wanted to do when I started all of this, right? Must realign vector. Anyway, expect a page soon-ish.

I also made some new c64 artwork, it's a pleasant variation on days on which you're not receiving the calls you should be receiving. Here it is, just four colors out of the 16 color commodore 64 palette this time:

(click for pixel-appreciation-time)

If the motive piques your interest, you could do worse than read this very much related piece of writing on my other blog. You see, it's all connected, but so what.

I return with a 27 page comic!

2010-10-05T01:56:00.004+03:00

...which might become a 30 page or so comic once I ink it. It's only pencils for now.

The question is, should I post it as is (and as was submitted to the compo) or should you wait until I've inked it and - gasp! - possibly coloured it?

The pencil version is pretty bare, look like this:

(click for big version)

The obvious advantage of posting the pencils is that they're finished and can be posted en-masse, whereas if I ink and colour, we're back to the one page per week regime. Up for democratic vote, guys and girls.

Decided I'm going.

2010-10-01T19:21:00.002+03:00

So hey, if any reader wants to meet me or whatever you can come to the 24hr comics event that'll be hosted in Metropolis Live Stage (Πανεπιστημίου 54, 3ος όροφος). More details here. There'll be lots of nerds talking about and drawing comics (also something called 'cosplay' which I am not sure about, and a marathon of the work of the great, late, Shatoshi Kon), if for some mysterious reason you enjoy belonging to that situation.

More new c64 hi-res artwork!

2010-09-30T21:55:00.004+03:00

Again, hi-res mode, as explained in the previous post. Hiding the grid in various places was a challenge.

Grid explanation, again:

click to enlarge

And steps:

This is a continuation from the themes of this.

Some new c64 hi-res artwork

2010-09-29T17:06:00.005+03:00

Click to enlarge

Read on if you're interested in the c64 machine limitations.

This is simple commodore 64 hi-res mode. The machine has a built-in palette that is approximately this:

I say approximately because these colors were not exactly picked from the machine itself, as this is notoriously tricky to do. The c64 palettes you might find on the internet are perceptual variations of how approximately the real colors would look on some c64s. These colors, however, cannot be altered. They have to be worked with as is. All c64 images you might find on the internet are using a slight variation of this palette and trying to do tricks so it looks like they're not limited by palettization at all. I like the palette, I like artistic limitations, so I use the pure colors it has on there a lot without interlace flickering and other techniques to blur middle shades and use them as primary ones.

The main difficulty with the c64 HiRes mode then, is that the screen real estate is segmented in a series of 8x8 pixel blocks, in which there can be only two colors from the available 16 showing at the same time. Look at this for a disambiguation of the process.

(click to enlarge)

Therefore it is difficult to use a lot of colors in close proximity to shade the represented item properly. A lot of fiddling about with 8x8 cell borders just for a simple bevel highlight, for example. And dithering (the little checkerboard patterns between two colors that do soft fades) needs to belong to its cell as well, can't mix a lot at the same time without dreaded attribute clash.

The top image in the post has the border around the screen alternated between the whole palette. I like a few of them more than others, the dark blue background, the light red one and the green I ended up using for the final piece.

C64 HiRes is good at duochromatic images (black and white, for example) as it was originally intended for hi resolution text mode on the machine. It's also pretty good at 90 degree dependent images (imagine a graphical word processor with its various panels open for example) where you can play with the 8x8 squares to their advantage. However it doesn't do curves and full color very well (the other native mode of the c64, 'multicolor' sacrifices half its horisontal resolution to get 3+1 colors per cell instead, giving the appearance of the pixels being wide). I wanted to challenge the machine - and myself - to make a colorful curvy picture in HiRes.

Actually, let's not understate the significance of the object in the picture, this isn't just an exercise, it's a celebration of one of the most beautiful things in life, I count it as being as significant (personally) as any of my comics or whatever else you might find on this blog.

24 hr comics... again?

2010-09-28T15:59:00.003+03:00

Hell, I was looking through my old 24hr comics and it kinda made me nostalgic (especially the second one). I think I'll do it again. Well, not 24 pages in 24 hours, but x pages in 24 hours, as polished and well-made as I can get them to be.

The only problem is company! Last time I did it I was accompanied by my friend Thanos and also Panagiotis Pantazis and we made quite a trio. The good memories come from that, primarily. I doubt the same lineup will materialize as Panagiotis is gracing the Greek military forces at this time, I think. Thanos is however, quasi-free but he's AFK right now and I can't tie this down. And there's no way I'm going to do comics for 24 hours in solo mode.

So I request from you, kind readers, to leave a comment here to emotionally blackmail Thanos to come with me and endure prolonged creation of comics. I shall post both my results and his on this here blog if you can get him to come. Concoct convincing arguments and high rhetoric if you must! I'll work the other, much more personal angle at the same time and he shall crack under the pressure. We must. Get. Him. Drawing.

Nothing after the jump.

I lied.

This week on Plus

2010-09-24T13:51:00.003+03:00

A series of illustrations on the topic of privately owned and operated toll booths on Greek national roads and how several citizens that have to pass through them on their way to work or home, refuse to pay the fare. An absurd theater between toll operators and them occurs daily.

"1. Be patient with the toll operator no matter how they might try to detain you 2. Do not sign anything they might pressure you to 3. the bar, if needed be, can be bypassed in two simple moves: pushing it forward makes it automatically rise and if not, it can be manually pushed up 4. Keep on truckin' !"

The police cars perpetually parked adjascent to the toll booth area are for show. They will not interfere, apparently, because as the tolls are privately operated, this is a dispute between private parties. The toll operator photographs the number plates of the cars and then forwards them through a process which has the offender served with a very legally binding sounding reprimand. If the citizen does pay it, then the company apparently will not persue it further because they're afraid they'd lose the legal battle that would ensue. So basically it's highway robbery disguised under a thin veneer of legitimacy. Greece is a funny country. More information in the new issue of Plus magazine.

This one wasn't used, so another A/B exclusive, I guess! It reads, in order "welcome to the desert of the real' 'enjoy your triple-toll' 'don't forget your receipt!". Triple-toll is a Greek pun that doesn't translate, alas!

-Helm

Plus mag

2010-09-16T18:14:00.009+03:00

The newly formed free press magazine 'Plus' will be featuring my illustrations weekly, starting today. Hopefully in the future there might also be some comics involved. Greek urbanites can pick it up at the usual places where free press magazines are to be found. My contributions this week include:

"...I will never be beyond good and evil I will never be beyond good and evil I will never be beyond good and evil I will never be beyond good and evil I will never be beyond good and evil I will never be beyond good and evil I will never be beyond good and evil I will never be beyond good and evil..."

Accompanying an article by Georgia Papastamou on the subject of the omissions, provocations and outright factual errors found in Greek high-school textbooks. My free-form translation of a relevant part of the article:

On the chapter [of the book on Religious Studies, fifth year of high-school] on "Causes and consequences of atheism" there is the following quote "Nihilistic atheism by the nihilist philosopher Frederich Nietzsche, whom, inspired by Feuerbach and the philosopher of pessimism Schopenhauer [...] his last decade of life suffered from constant bouts of mental delusion [...] where in the scope of his philosophy of the Übermensch he loathes all the virtues of man because he thought of them as symbols of weakness [...] the point of his theory, that is, the Übermensch concept, would be monstrous if it ever were to be applied to our society. It is well known that it stood as the theoretical blueprint of Hitler's national-socialism."

That is, you see, the intro (and outro, as it were) to the works of one of the greatest minds to walk on earthly soil. As decreed important to be taught to impressionable minds by a body of state sanctioned professional educators.

More work follows.

On the subject of ways and methods to survive in a Greece that is downwards trajectory through the stages of bankruptcy, several street performers and vendors are profiled. Here is Alex, a Romanian expatriate who works as a mime in downtown Athens.

This, and the rest of the profile pieces are photo-trace work, to which I am not used to and don't generally condone but the issue was one of realism. Were I to abstract the figures or the environment, they might look more like archetypes of street performers and vendors, not specific individuals. And the focus is on the exact specific individuals. The color version of the above image was not used, so here's an A/B exclusive, if you will.

More within the pages of Plus magazine, and a good luck to us all.

So I have another blog now.

2010-09-16T08:38:00.003+03:00

I'm pretty certain I'm biting off more than I can chew here, but I am my inspiration's slave in the end. Here if you want to read what I have to say about Heavy Metal, from now on.

I used one of the default blogger styles because I really don't have the time to learn how to extensively customize a second blog (this one was actually customized by friend Skurwy) and besides, it's a pleasing preset. If any dressing up is to occur, it will have to wait a long time.

I don't know how often I will be posting new 'reviews' there, it may be as often as twice a month and as late as... whenever. I anticipate covering the one hundred records will take a couple of years in the least, and that's fine.

There will be no more music posts on A/B, naturally.

More news on work and posts containing actual art (remember that?) very soon.

excuse the lack of posts

2010-09-09T10:34:00.006+03:00

I'm just trying to get a job going. It looks hopeful. It'll be in my field, so no flipping burgers for me (yet). Wish me luck.

Also if you're interested in Heavy Metal, read on.

Still here? Alright.

I used to comment on Invisible Oranges a lot, however its main writer and editor, Cosmo Lee, recently sent me an e-mail telling me to stop, so I did. I'm going to start something else instead, I don't know if it'll be a second blog or a small web site where I'll be 'reviewing' the 100 Heavy Metal records that I consider my personal favourites, with a specific intent of capturing the quintessence of what I consider Heavy Metal in the process (so they won't be 'normal' reviews by any stretch).

Given that I'm trying to get a honest living going, I do not know when I'll start this properly. I did write a 'FAQ' of sorts to help me gather my thoughts and intentions and if you're interested in Heavy Metal and want to discuss this project with me, you could read it here. I don't know how fast this'll go but it's worth discussing it now rather than later.

On other news, my cat loves me.

My girlfriend is adopting these strays as well:

The one looking at us is a boy and he's very playful but flighty. The one behind him is his sister, who has stunning Cleopatra-like looks.

So, stuff is happening! Black thing! Heavy Metal! Kitten adoptions!

How we listen to music / Welcome back, Helm!

2010-08-23T22:03:00.004+03:00

Hi. I'm back from vacation. I had a nice time, though ridden by minor injuries.
I wrote something for Illogical Contraption before I went off my merry vacations, I'm glad to see it's online. You can go read it over there.

It has to do about how we listen to music. I like this picture Shelby put on it so I'm using it here as well. This must be one of the few times in the last three years that I've used header art on the blog that isn't mine.

More news below the jump.
1. Somewhat ironically, due to swimming I got a clogged ear a week ago. I woke up and decided to poke at it with a q-tip (more like fifty of them) and made things worse. Drastically worse. You know that feeling where you're messing with something and you're only making it worse, the mounting panic? I apparently pushed in wax and compacted it so the ear was completely closed. I was deaf from the left side. Furthermore I felt *massive pressure* inside my brain. I don't want any of you readers to ever have that experience, it was pretty awful. I couldn't get used to it, either. And it really gets old to ask "say what??" every time someone speaks too. Helm learned a life lesson: living with even minor disabilities sucks. Cherish your eyes and ears and arms and legs, guys.

So we go to the doctor to unclog my ear. You don't want to see what comes out of your ears. The doctors that deal with the icky stuff are weird, I mean, why? Like orthodontists and ear, nose and throat doctors are the worst. Wait, no, proctologists. Anyway, now I'm fine. In fact, I'm better than ever, upgraded my firmware. I can hear frequencies I had apparently forgotten existed. Lots of high-end that makes everything - especially the Heavy Metal music of death I so enjoy - have extra bite. If you like listening to music then, I now append the top list with another item:

Clean your ears

Haha, yes I know that sounds just like a dad would say to their son when he heard the noise he calls music. "But dad, I want to clean my ears to enjoy the noise even more!"

The other injury was bumping into rocks-trapped-in-concrete (sloppy masonry, I hate you!) on my very first outing in the sea with my girlfriend. I took a slice off of my left big toe almost clean off, only it held on by a little bit of skin. I tried to basically duct-tape it together with the rest of the toe and pray it mends but it got all pus-ridden instead. Strangely it didn't hurt much, I guess toes are resilient, I even swam with it. Really icky sensation to try to swim with the legs and feel a bit of toe flapping against the currents! A few days after the skin underneath grew back and I snipped off the extra toe with clippers. Fun times!

But on the upside, I had a long vacation (can you tell?) that I really needed. I'm full of ideas for art and music and words, words, oh god so many words. You'll see, soon.

So how were your vacations, humans?

The cyber Punk

2010-08-01T12:09:00.002+03:00

Lego said:

He's obviously a punk. I can picture his mohawk

and Nekromantis said:

I get it! He's an cyborg. He should have some visible "augmentations" on his skull a la Deus Ex:

http://i26.tinypic.com/2s8p5r7.jpg

The optical eye-things aren't necessary though. They could obfuscate those human emotions the face is showing and make the guy look a bit too much machine-like.

I am fond of the tacky Shadowrun type cyberpunk because of nostalgia, but I couldn't bring myself to go the full chromium-plated way for this guy, so the enhanced optics are a bit more subtle.

Just some expression practice

2010-07-25T13:45:00.005+03:00

Just working on conveying some emotions. Will do a few more, they're fast to do. And I might give this guy a hairstyle and a leather jacket or something. Actually, wait, reader participation time: provide photographic examples of hairstyles (and facial hair styles) and clothes for this guy in the comments and I'll draw the ones I think fit him best! Move besides the obvious!

I need to do a lot more anatomy work before I embark on any other new projects, because frankly, I have a lot of holes in my technique. The saner choice would be to instead settle on a stylized approach that hides my faults better than the erratic style-switching methods I usually employ (on the ZX comic most of all) but I don't think that compromise is forthcoming. My psyche wants to fight!

I work so much with strict black and white inking that using a full grayscale range feels like cheating now, heh. That must sound crazy for actual illustrators who are used to employing a full value and hue range to convey their objects, but I've dedicated so much mental processing in a highly specialized sub-set of the drawing craft that is "how to convey stuff using only little opaque black lines" that I'm afraid I've damaged the part of my brain that revels in lack of restrictions and open creativity. I'm sure fiddling around with pixels and 16-color palettes didn't help either.

At least it's funny when I step outside of my inky inky idiom and draw something like this and then people tell me they're surprised and how it doesn't look like my art. I guess that's a polite way of saying "I didn't know you could draw anything else than your usual black and whte robots!".

A large part of how slowly I become better is that I don't particularly enjoy the process of drawing. I enjoy the conceptualization and I enjoy the end result. The middle period where I have to get my chops up and put in all the work to arrive at a palatable result is not enjoyable (though as I've said before, inking is fun when you're done with the artistic choices and all that's left is filling in the spaces). I'm comfortable in the knowledge that I am not alone in this attitude but less with the inevitable reality that I'll never be as great a draftsman as I could be because of it. But that's fine, I keep reminding myself. Nobody ever is what they imagine they'd be, because our imaginations stem from this fantastic survival mechanism that is the presupposition of never-ending willpower. When we make plans or theorize on our future course of action, we tend to calculate with our own actor being in best-possible shape and full of desire to succeed, we never take into account our past history of faults and repeated behavioral patterns, our well... personality. "Man I'm going to draw *every day* for *three hours* for the next *four weeks*, you bet!". Ah, well, it's better to overestimate than underestimate and sell that as a "realistic" excuse to do nothing!

Seriously though, I need to go frolic on a beach somewhere for a couple of weeks. Plans are being made.

Time off for Helm

2010-07-22T02:01:00.000+03:00

Until the end of August, probably. I'll be posting, sporadically, probably not a lot of art. Time to take some time off, I've put in the time, certainly. Get off of the computer, go swim in the sea, hope they don't burn the rest of Greece down while I'm away...

see you guys soon. Nothing, absolutely nothing after the jump.

You see, this "read more" thingy, it's a hack for blogger. It's not supposed to be there. I can't turn it off, either every article has it or no articles have it. We have to cope with this dreadful reality.

Technothrash revisited

2010-07-19T19:59:00.005+03:00

Over at the Illogical Contraption, mr. Cobras has been gracious enough to host another compilation by myself after the one on Greek metal and another on progressive metal. This time it's about technothrash. You can go download it and read about the bands featured over there if you're so inclined. If you're not you should click on the link below instead.

Goodbye 1bit

2010-07-19T15:46:00.003+03:00

I hate having to write this.

The little cat we've been keeping at home for the last couple of weeks is missing. When we found him he was in a sorry state, big bump on the head, crying constantly, wouldn't eat or drink, blood ran from his ears and nose. We took him to a vet, got him hooked on UV for a couple of days. The doctor said she thought the kitty wouldn't make it. But he did.

We weren't sure we'd keep him, there's been interest by two friendly parties to care for him. Early on when we got him back in the house it was apparent (to me at least) that the cat couldn't see right. He wouldn't track movement, he walked around very hesitantly and cried out when left without hugs for too long. It could have been just the shock though, or perhaps the dehydration because for the next two weeks of care he seemed to be able to see much, much better. A day before he went missing I caught him tracking a fly, which told me the cat had near-normal vision, now.

Yes, I gave him a dorky pet-name but I didn't think I'd have to keep it because I didn't think I'd have to keep the cat. But two days ago he just up and vanished. I live on a first floor apartment, below is a yard with dogs, it's not easy for cats to escape (I had to save my first of two current cats, named Cat, from the dogs once, true story). The first thing that I dreaded was that the cat had fallen off the porch and was promptly eaten by the dogs below. I searched for evidence of this but could find nothing. I searched the house like mad, you know how cats are with hiding. Put food in many places around the house and let it stink in the heat, nothing.

I waited and waited for him to show up again but it's pretty clear he's not in the house anymore. The biggest telling is that my two current cats, Cat and Black Thing, have gone back to walking around the house in their usual relaxed manner. This tells me they can no longer smell poor 1bit around the house, so they've gone back to default house kitty behavior. No guests anymore.

We can hope that the kitty fell off (or climbed off) the porch and evaded the dogs and now is living a life of freedom. It's possible, he had grown much more assured and strong in the couple of weeks we've had him and as I said he could see pretty well now. Perhaps he wanted to leave that hard, perhaps he just fell off and made of the situation what he could. We searched around the neighborhood but nothing. My girlfriend and I joke that we're going to see lots of black and white (1bit, get it? *sigh*) kittens around the hood come next summer and I don't know, perhaps it'll be so. Who knows? Not knowing sucks.

Usually I can tell it's Xenakis because it sounds awful

2010-07-12T01:40:00.015+03:00

Two voices are in a bed. It's very warm and humid. Friend Computer is shuffling through a gigantic music folder, providing diversion. A lapse in the conversation lasts long enough for the song that has just come on to grab their attention.

The first voice is excited, the music on the computer belongs to him and he knows it well. He's eager to translate the lyrics to the second.

One day I saw a man
Dressed in rags, with a staff in his hand
Begging for a penny to survive

How poor a man can be
I gave him hospitality
A room, a bed and lots of food to eat

Still I hear his last few words
"I can never return what you've done
But heaven will remember and repay"

Fifty years had gone since I saw him
I was dying and I'd soon be dead
Three angels stood beside my bed

The first one she said to me, "don't be afraid
I will give you immortality, and grace for your soul"
The second had eyes of gold, she gave me my wings
The third gave all wisdom an angel could give to me

I joined with my destiny, eternally
I knew I was born again, an angel to be
A vision beyond my dreams, called me by name
So in devotion I spread my wings, to heaven I had came to stay

The two voices now are joined in limber conversation, the song's meaning is explored. The Heavy Metal solo in the middle is judged to be off-mood, but otherwise the piece is commended for beauty and motive. The second voice, curious at the juxtaposition between morose metallic orchestration and positive Christian sentiment, asks about the band and what they believe in. The first voice says 'probably nothing' meaning, they're not Christian. But they can hope just the same, right?

As the voices debate on the possibility of a just afterlife and what it would take for someone to earn an eternity in heaven (more than either of them has done, they concur), Friend Computer counterpoints with his follow-up song.

The first voice is eager to tell the second that this music exits because a friend of his wills it so. Moreover, that friend has made her acquaintance in a few occasions. The second voice pays extra attention to the sounds because she wishes to understand the distant friend as well, perhaps. There are no lyrics to this song to discuss, but there are meanings still. Perhaps because of the previous song, this one is felt and discussed as an examination of an afterlife as well. Especially towards its end where the shimmering guitars stray outside of the mix and what is left is only feedback and smoke.

A connection is made between the two pieces of music. Two paths to an after-life, one where justice is served and meaning is achieved for an eternity and another where words were just words and meanings were an errand for fools, where after-death means eyes that are always open but ever so slowly dim. Hades of thick smoke that enters the lungs not to suffocate, but to embalm, to keep the solemn traveler perpetually existing. A journey without an end.

A third comes as punctuation.

The voices almost simultaneously remark on how this is not a song about an end, it's a song about the now. The first voice offers wisdom to impress the second "this is probably by György Ligeti". The umlaut sounds especially impressive. The string quartet discusses with the piano, pleads, argues, commends. Sometimes the piano adds flourish, sometimes it plays along, other times not so much. The whine of the violins is almost sickening, then.

Two songs. One about hope, the other about un-hope. And a third to remind that we're not done yet with hoping. Thesis, antithesis, synthesis. The two voices get up from the bed and go to take a shower. Computer text now in reading range corrects: not Ligeti, Xenakis.

blogger is weird with comment moderation.

2010-07-06T15:53:00.003+03:00

If you've left a comment and it's not showing up it's a possibility that blogger is failing to bring them up for verification once in a while, so keep that in mind. If I take more than a couple of days to make your comment public, it's probably lost, not me censoring you.

Nothing after the jump.

What cats do when nobody's looking

2010-07-05T18:35:00.004+03:00

Friend and reader Lackey requested

I'd like you to draw something like you would feel seeing through a window into a brightly lit room while walking alone at night.

I enjoyed drawing this. Had to return to some technique practices I haven't had much real need to use since I've been inking digitally for the last year and a half. This scribbly style takes a long time but it's a pretty zen for me anyway so I don't mind.

On other news, I have a new cat visitor which might become a permanent resident. His eyes can't see very well due to the dehydrated state in which we found him, but he can see enough to lead a happy interior-cat type life. We are debating on whether we'll keep him or not. Here's his mug.

If any of you want a slightly disabled kitty (blind and semi-blind cats are just like regular cats inside the house, really, so don't worry that much), he's an absolutely kind cat that likes cuddling and purrs all the time. He's only a couple of months old, max. But hurry in making up your mind because he might otherwise claw & gnaw his way into our hearts here at Helm (:his dad's) mansion (: modest apartment).

Sympathy for the Overthinker

2010-07-04T17:33:00.013+03:00

This is thought that has been swirling around in my head for a while and today it coalesced into relative certainty, so, as it is pertinent to a lot of things I actively do and even more I am passively involved in, here. It has to do with the concept of 'thinking too much' and some assorted accusations of pretension. The brave click onwards.

It's not a complicated argument but it seems it's one worth putting out there publicly once or twice: Don't disparage thinkers for thinking, don't mock wordy types for being wordy, don't disapprove of worriers for worrying.

There seems to be this idea going around (for as long as I have been paying attention at least) that it's some sort of choice to be engaged in intellectual pursuits. As if it's cut and separate from more visceral needs and desires for which, while there is no shortage of social critique, there seems more of an awareness of the critique's futility. Intellectualism is widely loathed as if it's a frivolous hobby, at odds with everything natural in life.

While I find the attempts at substantiating this strange thinking/feeling dualism to be fascinating sometimes, I grow tired of them when leveled against me as weapons. Please accept one empirical observation, that the tendency for intellectual examination and for assorted wordy exposition is not a voluntarily one. It is an emotional reflex and much like most reflexes it can be fought against only to an extent and even then the sufferer has to wonder why they're fighting against themselves to begin with.

If the reader has offered the advice to others that they should "think about things less", even if they meant it out of kindness for having spotted the Gordian knot the overthinker has entangled themselves into, they should be aware that what the overthinker is hearing is disapproving critique of foundations of their personality they have little free will to alter. What they're getting from it, basically is "I disapprove of you and I have the unrealistic expectation that you will change at my behest for having shaped my disapproval in socially unassailable passive-aggression". Yes yes, I know, that's unfair, but people don't really know what you meant because what you said was precisely antithetical to further examination. In silent victory, the words have ended.

Likewise, Overationalizators (I count myself included) are reflexive. The whys and hows of that behavior pattern can be deconstructed endlessly (and this is also a favorite pastime of navel gazers the world around) but rest assured they are not a stance, not an act, not a pretense. I see things happen around me and they, like lightning, touch on three-dimensional inner constructs of causality, they interface with presuppositions and inform my world-view subconsciously. This is instant. The quasi-rational deliberation afterwards is not instant but that doesn't mean it's much more controlled. Nor should you assume that the rationales spewed forth are considered truthful or accurate representations of world workings. They are a debugger buffer for the program of consciousness.

I have met people that, at the time, I was convinced they were pretending to be intellectuals and were trying too hard to impress me. Their most significant characteristic was not they they were thinking about things too hard but that they were implicitly asking me to acknowledge and agree with their line of thinking, nearly at the end of every value judgment. Some of them were also overthinkers, yes, but the two situations are not necessarily causally related. I have certainly also met blunt and base men who also pressured me for endorsement at every turn. The ones who value the conversation (and let's not kid ourselves, the exposition also) more than the agreement are mostly harmless.

And as a final note on wordiness. We cannot all be Nietzsche. It's a matter of mental acuity and talent. Some of us need to take the long way around an argument until we've circled it completely and on many planes and then only can start cutting towards the center. Bear with us for our philosophy is not meant as entertainment for you nor as a hobby for us, it is a practical necessity for our survival.

In an effort to accept others I'm slowly trying to treat a lot of their personality I find displeasing as prima facie instinctual behavior and not begrudge them for their nature, I'd be wonderful if they would do the same. That doesn't mean I have to hang out with all of them and neither should it mean you should read every word I have to say on whatever strikes me as significant every Monday, but please, easy on the judgments.

Beyond the realms of Arcana

2010-06-30T22:14:00.004+03:00

Kind reader Nekromantis requested:

I'd like you to draw a dreamlike landscape inside the mind and some kind of ethereal gates (or perhaps two rune-carved monolith stones with space between) showing a glimpse of grandeur/weird/horrific on the other side. A passage to subconsciousness or arcana if you like.

I can't in good conscience put my pen to the paper to describe what life after the transcendence of the material plane would be. In the light may your imagination always find shapes of hope and wonder.

Tell me what to draw more!

2010-06-28T19:16:00.002+03:00

The experiment has given fruit. But it's not enough fruit for my fruit salad. Give me more ideas. Below the jump are the posting instructions as before. I await thine wisdom.

1. Suggestions can be as impressionistic or descriptive as you want. From 'a persistent but unspeakable desire struggles to make itself manifest' to 'the biggest robot ever!!!' to 'the only book a very lonely man would have' to 'a lion'. Write me an one-liner, write me a paragraph, write me a book, whatever you want.

2. You may supply as many ideas as you want but,

3. ~~can only work on one idea a week~~ I can only work on two or three ideas in the next two weeks. If I didn't pick yours it's either because it didn't resonate or because something else came along that did more so. Feel free to repost it next week but don't take offense if I don't explain why I didn't pick your idea.

4. The image must be self-contained. Though implicit storytelling is not just allowed but recommended, no sequential stuff, i.e. I won't draw your comic. Unless you pay me handsomely.

5. The end result will be posted here. If you want a print-friendly version you may ask for it and I'll e-mail you a sizable, well-adjusted scan of the picture for you to print out. If you're feeling generous you may tip me as you wish.

If you want the actual original piece of paper you could pay-pal me the shipping costs plus any small patronage you desire and I'll mail it to you. If the instigator of the idea doesn't want the image, anyone else may request it.

6. As I hope is clear by the above, there are no strings attached. The one with the idea owes me nothing and I owe them nothing in return. I might take you up on your idea, I might not. You might like what I come up with, you might not. You could request the finished piece but you could not. This is just a community-building endeavor, not a professional partnership of any type.

So, here we go again. Post ideas in the comment-space. If you know a friend that would enjoy telling an artist what to draw, inform them of this little experiment.

F. Nietzsche gazes into you

2010-06-27T14:47:00.003+03:00

I couldn't ink it so I pixelled it!

Steps and such at Pixelation.

A Love Like Blood

2010-06-21T07:51:00.007+03:00

(Click on image to download the mix)

Did I tell you about mixtapes? I love making mixtapes, or, as it where, mix-cds. Seriously, anyone that's spent more than a dozen hours with me probably has one or more cds with meticulously planned playlists on them.

Pieces of plastic are kinda out though. For the last few years I've been mostly making mp3 mixes, and predominantly of the Heavy Metal persuasion. But there's one person whom doesn't understand the internet very well, for whom I still make mix-cds for. He's my dad.

He must have a dozen mixes of mine, most themed around moods or historical periods in popular music and properly all geared towards the vain attempt to 'explain Heavy Metal' to him. Well, after ten years of trying, I think my dad gets it pretty well. He probably can't name you more than two genres of metal -although he seems to enjoy dropping "death metal, the metal of death" on me some times. I get why it tickles him, it's a pretty funny yet severe name for a music genre. Also he says "Heavy Metal" and never "metal" to me, so I've taught him well. Anyway, he may not know more than two genres or more than five metal bands by name but he sure as hell can explain to you the Romanticist onset of the genre, its lust for transcendence, its stochastic morbidity, so I'm pretty proud to say he's paid attention, and therefore through my fascination for it, understood me better too. Most dads wouldn't bother.

But that doesn't mean I'm all 'mission accomplished!' about it. I still write him new ones twice a year or so. I've written him proto-metal late sixties to early seventies only mixes (he liked most of it), I've written him genre-specific epic metal mixtapes (he liked Warlord and Virgin Steele), I've written him pot purris of 'religious music' going from J.S. Bach to My Dying Bride to Gregorian Chants to Thomas De Luis Victoria to Lordian Guard to Arvo Pert to Black motherfucking Sabbath (tremendous success). The works. I know he listens to them in the car on the way to work and back, as well as on the long treks he likes to undertake to various foreign countries (my dad is cool). I don't know how much he enjoys them really, he has low tolerances for noise and dissonance so I try to avoid anything more aggressive than Metallica, most of the time. And perhaps he's being a kind liar when he says he's into it, just so we keep communicating like this, but I take it as a good sign that he does anyway.

So I'm posting this here mostly because it's decidedly not-metal. Here's the playlist.

Sisters of Mercy - Dominion / Mother Russia
The Cure - One Hundred Years
Cocteau Twins - Wax & Wane
Husker Du - Pink turns to Blue
Killing Joke - Love like Blood
Talking Heads - The Overload
Dead Can Dance - Advent
Daemonia Nymphe - Ida's Dactyls
Fields of the Nephilim - Last Exit For the Lost
Bauhaus - All We Ever Wanted Was Everything

For anyone well-versed in dark wave, post-punk and gothic rock this compilation is laughably basic but that's just as well because my dad isn't. Actually my dad introduced me to half the stuff on here in some capacity, I heard loose The Cure, Talking Heads or Bauhaus tracks on *his* meticulously archived mix-tapes (and yes, they were tapes, numbered chronologically and with funny "I don't really know English" misspellings of band names, like 'The Beatles' became 'The Beatls' which span two decades of pop music). That's where I first heard Rainbow's 'Stargazer' and look what damage *that* did! He has some odd vinyl too, the wonderful Dead Can Dance 'Gardens of Delight' foldout, Pink Floyd's 'Meddle' and hilariously, the first Russian-sang Kruiz record that he got in his travels to the USSR. That record blew my mind, I had only heard little power metal until then (Helloween's Walls of Jericho exclusively, actually) and it was at least that good, only in a crazy moon-language.

But my dad never followed bands and genres, he just liked some songs and put them on tape, he doesn't remember The Cure, twenty years later. So when he asked me to write him a compilation that's based on 'melancholy' I thought 'I've your your melancholy right here, buddy'. Nothing more nostalgic than half-remembering One Hundred Years, (365 days x 20 years) = 7,300 days later.

(If you're asking yourself why would my dad want a melancholic mix in the dawn of a beautiful summer then I can only answer that that's my strongest proof that I'm his biological progeny.)

You can download the mix by clicking in the header image, it also has a high-res scan of the handmade cover I made for it (another tradition with me and mix-cds). Below are liner notes for the songs, if you like that sort of thing:

Sisters of Mercy

I thought it was apt to start here. I considered starting with The Doors, some Bowie and Joy Division but there wouldn't be enough time to get up to Fields of the Nephilim then (I'm something of a stickler for at least a semblance of historical continuity). That's a great way to start a record any way you cut it. I love the audacity of mr. Eldrich for putting two songs in the space of one, using the same drum machine beat all the while. I think the Mother Russia chorus will also tickle my dad, whom remains something of a Marxist-Leninist.

The Cure

You know, my threshold for morbidity in music is very high, I listen to a lot of extreme metal, Doom especially. But somehow this song is at least as effective as the more earnest metalhead attempts at 'death summoning music'.

"Caressing an old man
And painting a lifeless face
Just a piece of new meat in a clean room
The soldiers close in under a yellow moon
All shadows and deliverance
Under a black flag
A hundred years of blood
Crimson"

Also I enjoy how the drum machine beat is almost at the same tempo and feel as the Sisters song above. And look what I did then!

Cocteau Twins

More drum machine goodness! To be frank I don't go for most Cocteau Twins material, it's too sickly sweet for my tastes (yup, I'm a metalhead alright). But that first record, Garlands, has a very malevolent atmosphere for me even though Elizabeth Frazer is doing what Elizabeth Frazer does. It took me a while to realize why this song has the effect it has on me, it's the bass-lines. The guitar wash is vaguely chromatic with a metallic sheen, it holds no emotion for me. But the bass line is resolutely minor key and driving a mood that is commented on by Frazer, her usually nonsensical lyrics making just enough sense here, and darkly so:

"Carrying prose
Broke my real friend
The devil might steady
We wax and wane

Licking alms
The devil might steady
Rattling we'll taste
We wax and we wane"

Once this bassist was out, I was out too.

Husker Du

This is a horrifying pop song if you pay attention to it. Zen Arcade is one of my favorite records outside my usual metallic scope. I've approached it at different periods of my life, in different angles and it always leaves me richer for the attempt. I don't want to go into the lyrics of this one, they're - I hope - revealing enough for anyone that'd care to read them.

Killing Joke

Oh boy, romantic period Killing Joke. Some people hate what they were doing in the 80's and I must say I prefer 'Revelations' and 'Fire Dances' to either their early sludgy dance-punk and their latter paranoiac post-metal. But they never really put out awful records regardless of their stylistic drift over time. If I had to take only a few bands' worth of discographies with me on a desert island, after King Crimson, Fates Warning and Magma, Killing Joke would be my final choice. I really like the lyric here, it's very hopeful in its drama. 'When self-preservation rules the day no more'. My favorite thing about this song (and this period of Killing Joke generally) is how distinctively clear the work every instrumentalist is doing is. No instrument is encroaching on the space of the others and they all contribute to a simple but beautiful whole. It takes real inspiration and a lot of hard work (not to mention a smart sound engineer) for a band to sound so together.

Talking Heads

Rumor has it mr. David Byrne wrote this song inspired by what Joy Division could have been. He had been reading about them but had not yet heard them and he sat down with that inspiration and gave us "The Overload". Afterwards when he eventually heard Joy Division he exclaimed some disappointment at how 'rocky' they were. And although I disagree with his assessment (I have never felt disappointment in Joy Division, only disappointment along with Joy Division) it's pretty startling how his interpretation of the idea of 'rock dirge' is so effective. I have not heard much else that, while so sedate, has such a powerful emotional impact in me. Barring Skepticism, probably.

Dead Can Dance

After the quintessential downer that is 'The Overload' I had to pick things up ever slightly here. This is such a beautiful early song by Dead Can Dance. Here is the lyric in its entirety:

"In the hour of darkness
when our worlds collide
assailed by madness
that has plagued our lives,

On the point of departure
on the eve of despair
the recourse to reason
seems to make no sense at all

The light of hope
Shines in your eyes
Dementia has gone
Purged from inside

Throughout our wand'rings
In a land of lies
We fell from God's grace
Into a sea of storms.

In the self-revelation
Celebration of love
These bold four virtues
W seem to've left behind

Lay bare your heart
Induce the will of love
T restore what little faith
That you may have lost

As morning brings rebirth
A new day will dawn
T ease our troubled minds

Turn away on your side
and dream of days to come"

Also note I chose a Dead Can Dance song without Lisa Gerrard singing. It's not that I don't like her (or Elizabeth Frazer for that matter), it's just that I prefer my dark wave to have lyrics that make sense.

Daemonia Nymphe

This is a Greek outfit attempting to recreate in some degree the ethos and atmosphere of archaic Greek music. As we have very little historical record of how they composed and how their music sounded, it can be said that such approximations are at best inspired by the idea of Ancient Greek art than directly related to them. Nonetheless I find Daemonia Nymphe to be extremely effective in conjuring a specific mood, a prosperous meeting between Dionysus and Apollo. May we worship autumn and spring, together.

Fields of the Nephilim

When I said there's no Heavy Metal in this compilation, I lied, didn't I? Fields of the Nephilim are categorized as 'gothic rock' but from my point of view, they're a full-fledged metal band that happens to have taken their cue from the Sisters of Mercy concept instead of Motorhead. I know this point of view would be upsetting for a lot of goths and I don't really mean to bring something they love into the fold of something they hate (and do the goths hate Heavy Metal, let me tell you). I do not mean to say that it is because Fields of the Nephilim are a HM band in disguise that they are good (if anything 'metal in disguise' makes things worse). Fields of the Nephilim are good, no, great, because their spell works regardless what particular subculture the listener belongs in. During attentive listening, they enforce a world-sense that is hazy, but contemplative, lurid but energetic. There aren't many gothic rock or metal bands that can achieve this mood, and the Fields go even further from there. This song is their crowning opus in my opinion and it is not for its lyric or melodic sense. There is a sense of movement here, of a progression towards the vast unfathomable. The only disappointment is when the song ends but it is one I allow for because, for Fields of the Nephilim to attempt to describe what happens after the telos of this movement would be presumptuous. What human has moved beyond death and can come back and tell us what it is like?

Bauhaus

And then of those that can speak of the persistent ennui far before the end is reached, what they'd say is often marked by eating sarcasm and gratuous nonsense. One tries so hard to understand,

"All we ever wanted was everything
All we ever got was cold

Get up, eat jelly
Sandwich bars, and barbed wire
Squash every week into a day

The sound of drums is calling
The sound of the drum has called
Flash of youth shoot out of darkness

Factorytown

Oh, to be the cream"

The artist deliberates

2010-06-18T11:02:00.003+03:00

Reader and friend JesusGun said:

What if Nietzsche, except of philoshoper, was an artist too, and would have done a self-portrait? How would this self-portrait would be like?

Do I ink or do I let it be?

Iphigenia's Sacrifice

2010-06-17T08:43:00.001+03:00

This is the final image. I hope Casey likes it and if they want it they can leave me a message. If somebody else wants it, they can leave me a message too. Simple like that, sometimes.

I'll probably forego inking the ZX dragon one, I'd rather get to the second round of ideas. That'll be monday.

I killed two markers to get this one done, I must go and buy new equipment!

If you wonder why I ink

2010-06-15T08:00:00.005+03:00

Work in progress, of course. Click for bigger.

I get a real zen effect from inking, especially over tight pencils that don't leave much to improvisation. There's still artistic choices to make but they're few and far apart, mostly it's minute decisions about how to represent a texture or a surface and most of that's down to practice and subconscious whim. I can let my mind wonder and sort stuff out (and there's been some stuff to sort out the past week) while my hands keep active. It's good therapy. I've missed inking by hand.

I won't be erasing the pencil work beneath this after I'm done inking. It's very rarely that I let both hang together but for this piece I think it'll suit it. Usually I prefer to clean erase the final inks so that I can look at my professional and sharply inked result and pat myself on the back. But as I said there's been stuff I had to sort out in my mind the last few days and I think it's fitting that I let everything show this time. Art should reflect the emotional context around its creation. A sacrifice's not exactly something to be neat about anyway, right?

Look at the marble stone surface, that textural embellishment, one could say, is meaningless and for a comic artist that must give priority to storytelling structure and composition foremost, perhaps even superfluous (as it it might distract the eye from the relevant action). Resting in an uneasy place between fine art pretension and nitty-gritty comic craftsmanship, that sort of inking flourish has come to define my approach. It's a representation of my inner workings I suspect, every time I try to simplify my linework I feel empty inside. Every time I try to go the extra step and do proper chiaroscuro I feel inadequate and as if I'll never finish a single drawing, ever. Sometimes friends and readers comment on all the little crosshatching stuff that's going on in my drawings and remark to the effect that they'd never have the patience to do that themselves. At those times all I can think about is some other people I'm aware of who do more with simple black and white than I could ever hope to. There's degrees of patience, guys.

Some people are blessed with great determination. I've met artists who have been honing their draftsmanship with the drive of a single-cell organism. For as long as they remember being alive, they've been drawing. There's seventeen year olds on deviantart that can represent reality in their drawings ten times better than I ever could hope to. Going around on the internet browsing fine art sites is a humbling experience for most people hovering in that middle space between confident abstraction and full-on rendering mastery.

Comic artists often excuse their shortcomings by saying they focus on storytelling and/or characterization and perhaps that's true some of the time. For me, if I were to be frank, I never had the patience to be a fine artist. I've never spent more than twenty hours on a single piece of art (more like ten hours on average) and I can't see myself changing in the future. I didn't choose comics as a medium because they serve my strengths, comics chose me because it's the only thing I was capable of doing with my talents, peculiarities and temperament.

Sure, I can spend a year making a comic (I just did. It took about 900 hours of work, that's about three solid hours of drawing per day) but it's a variable loop: Idea, rough pencils, tighter pencils, inking, lettering, attachment to the storyline, go at the beginning and repeat until done. It suits me because I'm never stuck doing the exact same thing for longer than 10 hours or so. I record music in the same way, I'll compose rough segments, put down some guitar tracks, then do some drum sequencing, then some orchestration and keyboard work, then some guitars again, then some vocals, then add or change a compositional part, then pester other members to do their vocals or bass lines or whatnot, it's never a grind.

As I grow older and thankfully advance in my effort to accept myself for what I am, I'm more and more okay with that I'll never be a real fine artist and that I'll need to keep rotating my efforts in my various areas of interest if I want to get things done. I'm frankly not exactly sure how that'll pan out in my professional life, but at least in my own head I feel more and more comfortable being a jack of all trades and master of none. Society constantly pressures for specialization. An artist I knew once said 'specialization is for ants'. Perhaps that's too harsh but I'll take from that that specialization doesn't have to be for everyone.

What do you do, reader? How does it reflect on your attention span? Does it fulfill your desires or have you come to terms it never will completely? Do you spend more than ten hours a day toiling at a particular thing regularly? How's that like? Which are the zen aspects of your craft or work and which are the brain-hurty ones?

You told me what to draw!

2010-06-14T01:16:00.002+03:00

And I drew it.

The two ideas are "I request an alternate cover to ZX, in the style of pulpy fantasy novel covers and Frazetta in general, wherein ZX is battling a dragon." by Mr. Sterling and "Iphigenia being sacrificed" by Casey.

Click and click again for bigger and better.

These are just pencils though, you have to decide which of the two I should ink this week!

Also! Also! Please, kind readers, do not read too much into the selection of the first two comments for drawing. It will not be a recurring effect. I kinda started the ZX dragon one the moment I got my first comment because I was scared that I wouldn't get any more and then the Iphigenia idea was too good to pass up so I started that the day after. Next time I'll be more patient.

But you people kept posting wonderful ideas and I kinda want to draw them all. So! I will (kinda). I'll do pencil sketches, at least, for a couple of more ideas from your first suggestion thread. Then, when we have the second suggestion thread, I'll get results from that and pencil more and post all the penciled ideas together to choose which one to ink. The idea is to make a repository of pencil sketches so there's always more to ink if I feel like it and I'm never out of wonderful reader-submitted ideas.

So, make your choice for this week, if you have further ideas-for-pencil-sketches, never hesitate. I keep a little notebook with the best ones, I won't forget.

It was refreshing to do more labored pencil work, I must say. It's been a while. Doing the ZX pencils was completely different to this because there was practically no shading, just contours and space definition. I did all the shading in the inks, digitally, but here I can't afford to mess around I'll need to know where my lights are well before I put ink to paper, there's no undo.

For the Iphigenia picture, I tried to capture her self-sacrifice, the reticence of the priest and the stoic resolution of her father, Agamemnon, in the distance.

For the ZX versus the dragon picture I was mainly going for a good composition and trying to think where I'll put the pulp-fantasy wordage in the top left corner. The unfinished pencil parts in the background is just cloud shapes that I was pretty certain I could do straight in ink.

This summer you get to tell me what to draw.

2010-06-09T02:50:00.004+03:00

Have you ever seen some arrogant artist work and thought "Well. . . that's nice, I wonder what'd come of it if I were telling him what to draw, though." ? Well, here's your chance.

For the past year I made a comic that was and is intensely personal to me. I didn't rely on much external direction. I knew why I was doing what I was doing and I carried my plan to completion. The book will be published eventually and I won't have to worry about it anymore. That chapter is then, done.

But during this process I've felt that the communicational and inter-personal aspect of craft (and not art) making was neglected and that aspect was and I intend it to still be, a large part of this blog. I did my thing up in my wizard tower (more like my small bedroom but you get my point) and the rest of the world turned. Now I want to engage with you readers in more of a dialogue.

What I am going to do is open the forum for suggestions. I want to get back to inking by hand this summer just to keep my chops up so I want to produce one large-scale a4 black and white drawing each week. I do not want to start another ambitious project, so this is my vacation. You get to make suggestions in the comments of what you'd like to see drawn and if they strike me as evocative, I'll take them on. I'll be posting progress reports (pencil work, then preliminary ink work, then finalized inks) during this time and I'll be taking suggestions and feedback and discussing my progress with the instigator (and everyone else) as I go (to the degree that there is interest, of course). I'll do this for the next 3 months, - actual vacation time excluded, of course.

Below the jump are format for idea suggestions and assorted notes for how it'll work.

1. Suggestions can be as impressionistic or descriptive as you want. From 'the feeling one gets after a great time with friends, as one sees them get in their car and go, leaving one alone' to 'a kick-ass dragon eating villagers' to 'a peculiarly sinister telephone' to 'the loneliest tree'. Write me an one-liner, write me a paragraph, write me a book, whatever you want.

2. You may supply as many ideas as you want but,

3. I can only work on one idea a week (unless the piece is small in which case we'll start again mid-week). If I didn't pick yours it's either because it didn't resonate or because something else came along that did more so. Feel free to repost it next week but don't take offense if I don't explain why I didn't pick your idea.

4. The image must be self-contained. Though implicit storytelling is not just allowed but recommended, no sequential stuff, i.e. I won't draw your comic :P

5. The end result will be posted here. If you want a print-friendly version you may ask for it and I'll e-mail you a sizable, well-adjusted scan of the picture for you to print out. If you're feeling generous you may tip me as you wish.

If you want the actual original piece of paper you could pay-pal me the shipping costs plus any small patronage you desire and I'll mail it to you. If the instigator of the idea doesn't want the image, anyone else may request it.

6. As I hope is clear by the above, there are no strings attached. The one with the idea owes me nothing and I owe them nothing in return. I might take you up on your idea, I might not. You might like what I come up with, you might not. You could request the finished piece but you could not. This is just a community-building endeavor, not a professional partnership of any type.

So, here we go. Post ideas in the comment-space. If you know a friend that would enjoy telling an artist what to draw, inform them of this little experiment.

Futurity and Human Depressions

2010-06-08T01:02:00.004+03:00

Click on image (or here) to time-travel to a Primitive Future.

In the case you like looking at lines up-close click here.

SotC fanart finished :: You can buy it if you like

2010-06-05T16:11:00.007+03:00

The size is A4 (21 x 29.7 cm or 8.27 x 11.69 inches), it's inked on the paper with a 0.1 pigment marker (it was enjoyable to return to non-digital inking for it). It has a blemish on the top left part which has been whited out (you can thank black thing stepping on it with his dirty pawsies for that). If you buy it I can write a dedication on it besides my signature. The reciever's parcel will include the original and a level-corrected photocopy. The price for it is What Though Wilt + Postal Expenses. Reader Sergio below wills 5 dollars+postal and to him it shall go in the case of no further interest. The reader and friend little percussionist derrida retorts with a striking left hook of 10 euros. Sergio strikes back with a savage one-two of 11 euros! Man, being a human e-bay is kinda fun. Sergio, little percussionist derrida throws the glove at you (isn't it a little late for that?) by exclaiming "we shan't go 1 euro to 1 euro here, I bid 15!". Oh these post-modernists!

I'll close the 'auction' as it were in a couple of days. Closed and sold :)

It's a beautiful day today outside in Greece.

Shadow of the Colossus fanart

2010-06-01T09:57:00.005+03:00

I might ink this too.

I played through Shadow of the Colossus at my friend Nick's house. It makes a terrific co-op game, passing the controller every other Colossus. On my down-time I drew this. The game's terrific, the atmosphere and emotional resonance. The ending left something to be desired, though.

So yes, I might ink this. If anyone wants to buy it, I'm considering a 'pay what you will + postage fees' for anywhere in the world so if you have a soft spot for Shadow of the Colossus or like the drawing enough or both, drop me a comment. If there's multiple takers I'll go with the highest offer because I'm not insane. I'm also open for a colored version, I have something in mind. Let's give it a week before plans are set.

p.s. have a nice month!

-Helm

EDIT:

I started already

EDIT2:

more inking

I might go with this logo color, though.

2010-05-25T11:34:00.001+03:00

Also I am a bit worried about Gamut warnings on CMYK printout now. The whole yellow-to-blue gradient behind ZX's head shows as outside the range. On some test printouts I did it looks fine but I wonder when it'll go to the proper print machine itself...

ZX Cover 3: Colored

2010-05-24T17:00:00.001+03:00

I just finished this like, 2 minutes ago so excuse any major art-blindness, I'll catch errors later on.

But I'd love to hear the reader opinion on it.

ZX Cover 2: Inked

2010-05-17T08:48:00.003+03:00

This took more time than any other page of the comic, predictably.

And I'm still not done, I have to color it!

Nothing much under the jump.

Well, here's a color/texture primer because you're nosy.

A reader comment.

2010-05-11T11:33:00.003+03:00

Same named reader left the following comment at the end of the ZX comic.

I think I would have said that [the revelation of ZX not being real ruined the comic for me] because I was enjoying the juxtaposition of reality and ridiculous at the time. The story from the beginning was something I was relating to. Perhaps this comes from my own conviction that we live in an invented reality anyway. I know I have several different lives running at once, dependent on which viewpoint I wish to take at the time. This is essentially what stereotyping and caricature are, that is, a selective viewpoint of certain points of reality, and probably what all story telling is also.

The revelation of ZX as form of emotional self management took my ability to relate away. Not because I have no loss to deal with, but because Stephan is forced to face his realities, and I am reasonably sure that like most people, I will usually take the easy way out and choose to never notice the reality exists. Because once that point is passed, it cannot be retrieved.

I find myself feeling hollow at the end of this story. Something so conclusive is very difficult to feel optimistic about. However this reaction is probably all about 'not wanting to look directly inside a wound.', therefore the point is essentially achieved? Besides, a story that leaves me feeling less than happy is a story that will stay with me for longer. Satisfaction is easy to forget, discontent rankles longer.

I don't know if this comment knows how much I enjoyed engaging with this story, because I really did. It's the whimsy and human weakness intermingled with the tragedy that get me hooked. Like Shakespeare who could never stop making jokes even when all his characters died in the end. Life just isn't made to be take seriously because so many things go wrong that what can but acknowledge the ridiculous? Even when you are in love you are always going to be thinking about how your pants are itchy or the dishes need washing.

Anyway, I'll be buying this when I can, and reading it several times over.

Besides my sincerest thanks for it, a wordy reply follows the jump.

Eliza, while I was reading your comment I became increasingly lightheaded.

Your initial read of the ZX robot as a 'magical realist' entity is how I had used him in past stories. I too see no reason to offer explanations for why a robot would intermingle with human beings in the abstract: whatever serves the point of the story, namely an expose of humanity and a degree of pathos, would do.

It is apt you stopped relating when you did. I made a point when making this to try to create increasing distance for the reader and the characters. I did not want them to live vicariously through the storyline as escapism wasn't my goal (and actually if I were to let them 'escape' into such a harrowing place then that'd be pretty sadistic of me). Well, I was a bit cruel. At the beginning I set something of a 'false hook' to lure the reader in what appears to be a 'boy meets girl' scenario, and I gradually pulled the carpet underneath it. I am glad that your inability to relate didn't keep you for reading the rest of it and that it was effective nonetheless for you.

The concept of alienation is not a new one (Bertolt Brecht) but it is one that's hardly employed in most comics (though definite examples like Chris Ware's and Dan Clowes' work shine). I might be misinterpreting it but it serves me right even through misinterpretation: I want readers (myself foremost) to read this and accept certain things. To stand intellectually against them as much - if not more - as they stand emotionally for the characters. The idea is not to 'like' Stephan or Mary in this story (in fact I added a lot that I personally find uncomfortable, that make me like the characters less and even feel embarrassed about them), it is to accept their existence and their situation as a reality. Not a conception of their existence that might suit the reader, like how we look at our friends and family (ever notice how sometimes we'd rather not hear the problems of our friends and family because we'd rather pretend they *have* no problems?). The only power of the terms 'reality' and 'existence' comes from this acceptance after all. If you can shut off a reality five minutes after experiencing it (like with most Hollywood films, for example) then you haven't accepted anything, it was just tourism.

This is what looking inside the wound means to me, and it's unbearable but we have to survive it. To survive it we need to breathe inside the trauma, adapt. This is what art does, it enforces a reality in which certain (be them brave or destructive or irresponsible or ridiculous or hilarious or whatever else) effects can be attempted and their results be binding for a time. Art is a spell.

In this particular piece, we try desperately to think that things that cannot be, are. And that things that certainly are, can not possibly be. But in the end we have to look directly in the wound and steel ourselves for the answer we find. That's what this story is about and that's what all characters in it go through.

Stephan wants his friend though he's not there and Mary wants Stephan though he's not there and the reader wants their romantic comedy though it's not there. What's there is worse, the worst. And then, hopefully, it becomes better. Slowly.

Thank you for reading and thank you for commenting. Mail like this makes it worthwhile for me to publicize my work.

Riots and bombs and consequence and hope

2010-05-10T10:30:00.005+03:00

I don't usually write directly political posts for various reasons but a few international readers, worried over the recent news of Greece, have asked me what's going on. Below is an attempt to explain. The text is in its original Greek first (because the matter is complex and I needed to write in my mother tongue to do it justice) and below it is a translated English version.

Ο λόγος που δεν γράφω πολιτικά κείμενα συχνά είναι συμπτωματικός της ρίζας του προβλήματος της γενιάς μου. Βλέπω τον πατέρα μου ο οποίος έζησε το Πολυτεχνείο (σαν πολλούς συνομήλικούς του) και έκτοτε τοξεύει την πολιτική, κοινωνική, πολιτισμική ελπίδα του ευθέως. Δεν μου φαίνεται μπερδεμένος, ούτε φοβισμένος. Ξέρει τι ξέρει. Η δική μου η γενιά δεν έζησε πολιτικές αναταραχές και συχνά αυτή η σχεδόν απλοϊκή ευθυβολία των προηγούμενων της φαίνεται γραφική, μπανάλ, πασέ, παράταιρο μιας άλλης εποχής.

Συνεπώς, ενώ η πολιτική μου συνείδηση είναι οξυμένη, τα - όποια - όπλα μου σκουριάζουν από μια αχρηστία που δεν οφείλεται τόσο στην ατολμία αλλά στην απογοήτευση. Μεγάλωσα σε μια κοινωνία γενικότερα παροπλισμένη, αποκαρδιωμένη. Ένας πατέρας με ελπίδα δεν είναι αρκετός μέσα της. Μάλιστα δημιουργεί και λίγη παράνοια η γνωστική δυσαρμονία μεταξύ του τι ακούς μέσα στο σπίτι σου και τι σου λέει ο έξω κόσμος. Μαθαίνεις να φυλάγεσαι. Οι πολιτικές μου θέσεις γίνανε σαν μικρά σολιψιστικά ερωτηματικά. Όχι μόνο η δικές μου.

Αν πριν από πέντε μόνο χρόνια μιλούσατε με τυχαίους Έλληνες νέους θα αντιμετωπίζατε μια τρομακτική πολιτική απογοήτευση την οποία και εγώ - και οι περισσότεροι - παραπλανιόμασταν ότι αναλύεται σε αμορφωσιά και αδιαφορία. Όμως ακόμα και όταν μίλαγα με τα χειρότερα κομματόσκυλα των φοιτητικών νεολαίων (που δεν είναι ούτε αμόρφωτα ούτε αδιάφορα καμιά φορά) η ρητορική τους μου ακουγόταν προκατασκευασμένη και ευνουχισμένη, απογοητευμένη. Λες και ήταν στο σπορ για το σπορ (είναι ωραία τα σπορ!), όχι για την κοινωνική αλλαγή. Οι διαφορές λεπτές αλλά στην παρατήρησή τους αρχίζει κανείς να βλέπει το μαχαίρι και όχι την πληγή: η απογοήτευση αυτή που χαρακτηρίζει την γενιά μου είναι προϊόν του της καταναλωτικού βίου. Ούτε ζήτημα παίδευσης είναι, ούτε ζήτημα έλλειψης κάποιου αφηρημένου "τσαγανού" που εξάλειψε δυσεξήγητα απότομα τα τελευταία είκοσι χρόνια.

Η φύση της κατανάλωσης είναι υπαρξιστικά κατευναστική επειδή η βασική ανάγκη του ζώου-ανθρώπου είναι η επιβίωση και η ασφάλεια. Ο καπιταλισμός πριμοδοτεί τις βασικές ανάγκες του ζώου και με μαεστρία τραβάει μια αιματηρή γραμμή αυθαίρετα και λέει "ως εδώ. Τρως καλά, διασκεδάζεις καλά, λες μαλακίες καλά. Τα κατάφερες. Μην ελπίζεις σε τίποτε άλλο." Από εκεί και πάνω κάνουν κουμάντο λέει, Εκατόχειρες τιτάνες, φτιαγμένοι από γρανίτη. Πάνω τους σκάνε οι "ταξικά κινητικοί" γιάπηδες και λοιποί μικροκαρχαρίες και λιώνουν σαν κουνούπια. Έπειτα είτε μένει κακαδάκι κωμικό για να το βλέπουν και φοβούνται οι μικρότεροι, είτε απορροφάται βαθιά μέσα στον γρανίτη το ρημαγμένο πνεύμα, ενισχύει τον εξουσιαστή.

Δεν κατηγορώ κανέναν για την φύση του καπιταλισμού ούτε για το πως με σχημάτισε. Σχημάτισε όλους μας ακόμα και αν μερικοί αρέσκονται σε διάφορες βολικές εκλογικεύσεις. Η έλλειψη πολίτικου σθένους στην γενιά μου προκύπτει επειδή αγόρασε όσα μπορούσε μέχρι την γραμμή του "ως εδώ". Ίσα-ίσα κάτω της γραμμής στέκεται κάποια αξιοπρέπεια τέλος πάντων, αλλά πάνω της κυματίζει η ελπίδα, μακριά. Τί κάνει ο έφηβος χωρίς ελπίδα αλλά με αξιοπρέπεια; Βρίσκει εσωτερικές λύσεις, ασκεί την εσωτερική ευαισθησία του, τολμά - κάπως - με τη φαντασία του. Όλη μου την ζωή γνωρίζω εφήβους 'άτομα', με καλλιτεχνίες και ενδιαφέροντα και βάθος, αλλά που το "ως εδώ" της κατανάλωσης ακρωτηριάζει την συνάθροιση, το συλλογικό αύριο, την ελπίδα.

Έτσι είμαι και εγώ. Συχνά σκέφτομαι τί μπορώ να προσφέρω και σαν 'άτομο' το μόνο που αντέχω είναι λίγη τέχνη. Γενναία ίσως και ειλικρινής σίγουρα αλλά "ως εδώ". Έχω και εγώ να δω τις τηλεοπτικές μου σειρές μετά, να παίξω τα βίντεο-γκέιμς μου και τέτοια.

Πριν κάποιον καιρό αστυνομικοί σκότωσαν έναν νεαρό. Υπήρξε έντονη κοινωνική αγανάκτηση, συγκρούσεις στους δρόμους, βανδαλισμοί και λοιπά. Τότε δεν μιλάγαμε ακόμα για οικονομική κρίση στην Ευρώπη. Οι πολιτικοαναλυτές διαχειριζόντουσαν την απρόσμενη οργή του πολίτη με χρωματιστά επίθετα, εξηγούσαν ότι εντάξει κακοί μπάτσοι συμβαίνουν αυτά αλλά: όχι βανδαλισμοί ρε παιδιά, όχι βια, όχι καταστροφή ιδιωτικής περιουσίας, όχι μανούλες. "Ως εδώ". Και εγώ περίπου συμφώνησα φοβισμένος και μετά είδα καμιά τηλεοπτική σειρά 'από της καλές, ε' ή άκουσα λίγη μουσικούλα και τα λοιπά. Κάπως σαν να αυνανίζεσαι με το κομμένο σου χέρι σφυρίζοντας αδιάφορα ένα πράγμα.

Κάποιοι έξυπνοι θα σας πουν ότι το είχαν μυριστεί το πράγμα τότε γιατί οργίζεται ο λαός τόσο δυσανάλογα περί του εκείνου ζητήματος της δολοφονίας του νέου αλλά μην τους πιστεύετε (πολύ) ούτε αυτοί περίμεναν την οικονομική κρίση.

Γενικά αυτή είναι η θέση του "ως εδώ" ατομιστή αστού. Το σύστημα είναι κάτι σαν Άγνωστος Θεός. Την προηγούμενη εβδομάδα το μαντείο είπε "κάτι κακό συμβαίνει κάπου μακριά αλλά εσύ είσαι εντάξει. Άντε δες καμία καλή σειρούλα". Ίσως αυτή την εβδομάδα ο οιωνός είναι άλλος. Κεραυνός σχίζει το δέντρο στα δύο και η πυθία κουνάει πατροναρίστηκα το κεφάλι της αριστερά-δεξιά (και κέντρο). Καταρρέει λέει, η οικονομία σε διάφορες ευρωπαϊκές χώρες. Ακούγεται κάπως θολό, 'σαν λέξεις' το νέο. Γιατί; Επειδή έτσι ακούγονται όλα τα άλλα νέα 'του κόσμου'. Στενοχωριόμαστε λιγάκι στο άμπστράκτ και μετά ξαναγυρνάμε κάτω, στην γραμμή μας, εκεί κοντά στην αξιοπρέπειά μας η τηλεόραση μας και τα άλλα αγαθά μας.

Καθαρίζει η θολούρα όμως δια της επανάληψης. Όχι, όχι, σοβαρά, η οικονομία δεν πάει καλά. Θα πάει χειρότερα λέει. Στην αρχή όλοι προσπαθούσαν να το κάνουν γάργαρα και να επιστρέψουν στην καταναλωτική συνήθεια, η ειρωνεία ξεκάθαρη τόσο που ίσως η λέξη είναι παράταιρη, λες και πέφτει ο κεραυνός και σχίζει το μέτωπο αντί το δέντρο.

Κάποια στιγμή το νιώθει ο Έλληνας στο πορτοφόλι του αυτό το περί οικονομίας, λοιπόν. Τότε το Θέαμα δεν βοηθά επειδή το Θέαμα πληρώνεται (μεταξύ άλλων). Φοβάται ο Έλληνας, ρωτάει την πυθία. Του λέει "εσύ φταις που δεν το περίμενες ή ίσως όχι, τώρα θα το πληρώσεις. Μήλαρακι;" Μπερδεύεται ο φοβισμένος Έλληνας. Τα πράγματα χειροτερεύουν μέρα με την μέρα. Αρχίζει να οργίζεται ο μπερδεμένος φοβισμένος Έλληνας.

Εκεί στην γραμμή που από κάτω είναι η αξιοπρέπεια και από πάνω η Ελπίδα αρχίζουν κύματα, φουρτούνα. Και εγώ στην αρχή φοβήθηκα ("τ - τί, δεν θα έχουμε να φάμε;"), στην συνέχεια μπερδεύτηκα και μετά οργίστηκα. Οργίστηκα και όταν ένας αστυνομικός δολοφόνησε έναν νεαρό και άλλες φόρες (λίγες) παλιότερα. Αυτό που όμως αλλάζει είναι ότι τώρα η οργή φεύγει και μένει κάποια ελπίδα. Δεν είναι πολλή, δεν την έχω συνηθίσει ακόμα, δεν είχα λόγο άλλωστε, δεν το έχω ξαναζήσει.

Η ελπίδα μου είναι λοιπόν, ότι τα πράγματα θα γίνουν χειρότερα. Όχι ότι δ-δεν θα έχουμε να φάμε, αλλά δεν θα έχουμε να καταναλώσουμε Θέαμα, παραπλάνηση, χαδάκια. Ότι τα σίγουρα, τα ντε φάκτο, τα α πριόρι, οι κανόνες ρε παιδί μου της ζωής θα είναι στον αέρα μαζί με όλα τα άλλα. Καλλίτερα έλλειψη σιγουριάς παρά σίγουρη καταπίεση.

Θα ήταν λυτρωτικό υπαρξιστικά για όλους όσους μας είπε ο πατέρας μας ότι "έχω ελπίδα, να έχεις και εσύ", να κινηθεί η ιστορική συγκυρία αποδεικτικά, έτσι για μια φορά. Ίσως τα πληρώσω αυτά τα λόγια κάποια στιγμή αλλά δεν πειράζει, αυτά που δεν χρωστώ να μην πληρώσω. Ίσως πάλι η οικονομία να ανακάμψει ακριβώς στο "ως εδώ" και βγει τζούφιος ο αναβρασμός, αλλά τα σημάδια λένε όχι. Πιο πολλή τρικυμία στα 26 χρόνια ζωής μου δεν θυμάμαι οπότε ας κοιτάξουμε πάνω από την θέση μας, από κάτω από την γραμμή τους.

Δεν ελπίζω σε πτώση του Καπιταλισμού. Έχω τοσοδούλα ελπίδα, ούτε από που να το πιάσει αυτό το βάρος δεν ξέρει. Θα επιστρέψουμε πάντα στο κυνήγι της άνεσης, είναι η φύση του ζώου τέτοια. Ελπίζω μόνο, πριν όλα ξαναγυρίσουν σε σχετική ευρυθμία (μέσα στα επόμενα πέντε, δέκα χρόνια) να προλάβουμε να φανταστούμε και ελπίσουμε για μας.

The reason I don't wax political often is symptomatic of the root of my generation's problem. I see my father, who lived through the Athens Polytechnic uprising (like many of his generation) and since aims his political, social and cultural hope straight, like an arrow. He does not seem neither confused nor scared. He knows what he knows. My generation has not experienced political turmoil of that level and often that almost naive straightforwardness of its elders seems outmoded, pase, the debris of a different era.

Concurrently, whereas my political consciousness is focused, my weapons are left to rust in a uselesness that has nothing to do with lack of willpower but everything to do with discouragement. I grew up in a society that has been generally disarmed. A father full of hope is not enough to counterpoint it. In fact, the cognitive dissonance between what one hears in their home and what the outside contradicts creates some paranoia. One learns to keep to themselves. My political beliefs became small solipsist question-marks. Mine weren't the only ones.

Just five years ago if you engaged random Greek youths, you'd notice a terrifying political disappointment which I - as most people - attributed to lack of pertinent education and foremost a lack of interest. But even when I debated with the most fervently entrenched slave-dogs of political organizations in Universities (whom are neither ill-educated nor suffer from lack of interest, often) their rhetoric sounded pre-fabricated and neutered. No heart. It was as if they were into the sport for the sake of it (sports are great!) and not for affecting actual social change. The differences are fine but in exploring them one starts to see the dagger instead of the wound: The disappointment that characterizes my generation is a product of commercialized living. It's neither about education nor about the lack of some abstract "grit" that has curiously dissipated in the last twenty years.

The nature of consumption is existentially soothing because the basic want of the human animal is survival and then safety. Capitalism pushes the base desires of the animal and then adeptly carves a bloody, arbitrate line and says "that's enough. You eat well, you enjoy yourself, you talk a lot of crap. You made it. Do not hope for anything else." From there on up others run the show. Titans with a hundred arms, made of granite. On them the "upwardly mobile" yuppies and other baby sharks, like futile mosquitoes crash. Afterwards, what's left is either a comical stain that serves as a warning for their lessers, or perhaps the crushed spirits are assimilated, augmenting the ruler.

I do not blame anyone for the nature of capitalism, nor for how it has shaped me. It has shaped all of us, even if some like their comfortable rationalizations to spell otherwise. The lack of political mettle in my generation occurs because it has bought all it could up to "that's enough". Marginally below this line there is some sort of dignity to be captured, but above it flutters hope, distantly. And what's a youth without hope but with dignity to do? They find internal solutions, they exercise internal sentiments, they dare - somewhat - with their imagination. All my life I'm meeting solitary youths, with artistry and interests and depth, but where the "that's enough" of consumption has amputated concert, communality, hope.

That's how I am also. Often I think what I can offer as a solitary being and all I can muster is a little art. Brave perhaps and honest certainly but "that's enough". Then I have to watch my tv series, play my videogames, you know.

Some time ago, police men killed a youth. There was tremendous social uproar over it, riots and conflicts in the streets, vandalisms et al. Then we weren't talking about a European economic crisis yet. The political analysts were managing the startling social outrage with colorful adjectives. They explained that, alright, bad cops, that happens but please: no more vandalisms, no violence, no destruction of private property, no name-calling. "That's enough". And I sorta greed, scared and then I watched some good tv show or listened to some music, so on. Kinda like masturbating with your amputated arm, whistling inconspicuously all the while.

Some clever people will tell you they saw it coming back then, why the people were so inordinately outraged over the cop killers debacle but don't believe them (too much) they didn't see the economical crisis coming.

Generally, that's the position of the "that's enough" solitary-middle class. The system is something like an Unknown God. Past week the oracle decrees that "something bad is happening to lands far beyond but you're alright. Go watch some tv". Maybe this week the omens are different. Lightning strikes the oak asunder and the oracle moves her head patronizingly, left, right (and middle). The economy is collapsing, she says, in various European countries. The news sound kinda blurry, 'just words'. Why? Because that's how all the other 'world news' sound to us. We get a bit upset in the abstract and then we return below the line, thereby our dignity our television and our other goods.

The blurriness clears through repetition. No, no, seriously, the economy's bad. And it's going to get worse. At first everyone tried to play it off and return to their consumerist habits, the irony so startling that perhaps the word is meaningless, as if the lightning strikes and splits the brow apart instead of the tree.

At some point Greek guy starts feeling the economy thing in his wallet. Then Spectacle isn't helping as much because Spectacle needs to be paid for (amongst other things). Greek guy gets scared, resorts to the oracle. She says "it's your fault that you didn't expect it, perhaps not, now you will pay for it. Do you like apples?" Scared Greek guy becomes confused. Things get worse daily. Scared confused Greek guy becomes angry.

Therebelow the line, dignity, hope above, the waters dance. A storm's coming. At first I was scared do ("w-what, we won't have enough to feed ourselves?"), and then I got confused and then I got angry. I was angry back when a police officer murdered a youth and I've been angry before that a few times more. What is changing is that anger is clearing away slowly and what's left is a measure of hope. It's not much, I haven't gotten used to it, I haven't lived through it.

My hope then, is that things will get worse. Not in that we w-won't have enough to feed ourselves, but that we won't have enough to consume Spectacle, misdirection, sweet nothings. I hope that the certainties, the de factos, the a prioris, the rules of life will go up in the air along with everything else. Better to be uncertain than to be certain of oppression.

It would be healing, existentially, for all of us whose father said "I have hope and so should you" that the historical consequence operates as proof, even if it's just once. Perhaps I'll pay these words dearly in the future but that's alright, as long as I don't have to pay for what I don't owe. Then again perhaps the economy will bounce back exactly at the limit of "that's enough" and the momentum of this movement will fizzle out, but signs say no. In my 26 years of life, I don't remember a bigger storm, so let's look above our station, from beneath their line.

I don't hope for the fall of capitalism. My hope is tiny, it doesn't even know where to start with pulling up such weights. We will always return to the pursuit of comfort, that is the nature of the animal. I only hope that before everything goes back to relative normalcy (in the next five, ten years) we have the time to wonder and hope for ourselves.

I'm 26 now

2010-05-04T00:32:00.005+03:00

Highfive, Black Thing!!

So, I made it alive so far! I'll need another week for the cover though, please excuse. This is the tune for the festivities.

ZX cover

2010-04-26T15:06:00.006+03:00

Working on the cover, slowly.

I'm going to do the coloring this time, sadly Ptoing doesn't have the time in this juncture. Probably for the best since my next project is going to be in -some sort of- color so this is training.

I'm going to go with a focal yellow light and dark, earthy rust and purple colors in the stuff around. I hope I do a good job, I never felt comfortable with color.

On other news I'm expecting to hear from a few Greek publishers soon. I'll be making the final page of the book I was talking about, I've decided. After the cover.

Oh, the gesture and text of ZX on the focal piece is a placeholder :)

Back from the convention.

2010-04-19T19:48:00.008+03:00

Well that was fun. I sold out of 'Ektos Thematos' - well, I only took 32 pieces with me... they're really heavy to carry. I ran out just as the convention was winding down though so my sixth sense is accurate. I have... *goes to count*

about a hundred copies left. Also, check out that phantasmal profile on the wall. Visited by Apollo?

Friend and co-conspirator Thanos (of the now sadly dormant but hopefully not defunct 'Days of the Locust' cine-blog) also has another two packs stashed at home in case of emergency so the grand total of unsold Ektos Thematos is about one hundred and sixty copies out of a print run of five hundred. These were circulated mostly hand-by-hand at three conventions, a minuscule quantity through fanzine-friendly comic shops and of course a significant amount through the Catch The Soap mailorder (from where you may still order your copy if you feel like it) without any formal promotion or other marketing efforts within the span of almost a year. I count the project as a modest success in that I didn't make any huge money out of it but didn't lose any money either. Artistically I still like most of the material in the book and perhaps at some point in the future would venture a second print edition via some more formal publisher so the book can outlast my however-brief mortality, safely tucked between other comic inconsequentialities in the bookshop shelf.

I didn't win the 'Best Fanzine' award in this years' Comicdom Awards but Mike did so I can't really complain!

On the other front, there has been interest expressed by a number of our local publishers in my ZX comic and I have gathered a lot of useful critique and feedback by many comrades & acquaintances. Things look hopeful for a Greek official printing soon, and who knows, an international may follow.

I might be drawing a SINGLE extra page for the comic soon, but I also might not be, I haven't made up my mind. I have some time to consider it while Ptoing works his magic on the cover.

Comic conventions rejuvenate me somehow by making me feel useful and relevant to a society I don't have too much to do with on a normal, daily basis. The return after them is bitter-sweet. On one hand I look forward to my peace and quiet for some days, on the other I tend to feel increasingly useless in that timespan. However this blog is useful in yet another way by reminding me that I'll have to post... something here at least every Monday. Got to get my affairs in order!

All that being said I feel strangely ready to tackle my next project.

Keep reading...

Comicdom Con 2010

2010-04-15T12:25:00.003+03:00

poster by Mike Dialinas

So, it's that time of the year again. Greek readers who would like to meet up are encouraged to come to the Fanzines room of Comicdom Con 2010. I'll be selling last year's comic collection 'Ektos Thematos' if you'd like to buy one. But even if you don't and just want to talk, don't be shy! I used to be quite intimidated by the Fanzine room before I became a small-press guy myself, but now that I know better the people in there would like nothing more than strangers coming up to them and chatting.

I'll be trying to sell the book to publishers there so a few home-printed versions of the ZX comic will be there, free to be browsed and discussed.

That's a nice number.

2010-04-12T18:00:00.004+03:00

It's ruined in a split-second so I took the chance to commemorate. The elder gods are pleased.

ZX Post-vitum 1 : comic plastic surgery

2010-04-12T08:21:00.006+03:00

I've been going over the comic many, many times after I did the last few pages and I've been keeping meticulous notes of what I'd like to fix per-page. Some pages are fine as they are, some need just lettering fixes (good god, the sloppy, amateurish lettering!) and others need full fledged redraw-the-panel overhauls.

On one hand this is because in the last 10 months, I have grown not only as a comic artist (well, a little I guess) but also as a digital comic artist (I now have complete mastery of Manga Studio, and if I make any money off of this comic, I'm going to be buying a full license, they deserve it and it's good karma too). So now I see things in earlier pages that look alright, but could be done much cleaner and simpler by using all the tools of Manga Studio. I have decided however, to not go into fixing such textures and effects because it's disingenuous; Let the comic reflect the process I went through. Besides, there's something pleasing about how it starts of fairly minimal-looking and then towards the end becomes fuller and more nuanced in the inking. An interesting unintentional 'inking as commentary' effect.

On the other hand, some changes have to be made because the character's faces are either distorted or have outright changed from the beginning to now. Like on the very second page (crop pictured above) the original Stephan looks way more morose and severe than I needed him to look in the opening of the story. I had to change his face to a more neutral, innocent tone, because I expect some readers will finish the story and then turn to the beginning and start over. It won't do to go from the last-page-Stephan to the first-page Stephan to find him looking so fatigued and weary. I kind of liked how he looked to the reader in the original version, a sort of knowing look, but let's not be too clever, he's unaware of what's going to happen so I changed his eyes to look to his left. Also the black eyebrows were changed to the lighter-colored ones that became the default in the continuation of the comic. Check out the newly added Greco-Roman nose job too! That's what you get when you start a comic without having done 20 pages of character studies to get their look down completely, right? But consider the upside: if I had done 20 pages of character studies before I started this comic proper, I would have never finished it. I know this now. This is the only knowledge I have to offer other struggling comic artists: start drawing, now. Fix lazy mistakes later, have the comic in your hands and then you can afford changing whatever. Don't bother with too much foundation work. You are not an architect. You are a poet. (or to be more precise: if you find yourself unable to go through with building your comic after you've laid all the meticulous foundations for it, then you're the poet type. If you can manage it however then you might be one of those fabled poet-architects that achieve amazing success at anything they set their mind to do. Congratulations!)

Many small such fixes occur in the first 15 pages of the comic (that's how many I've gone through so far, today I'll do the rest) but for the reader the changes will not always be discernible. This is not because they are not major changes sometimes (some faces have been completely redrawn, for example) but because what the faces signify has rarely changed so the reader's memory will improvise with the new data and not worry the consciousness by sending it signals that stuff has changed. Only in two panels so far have I changed the actual expression of the characters to better convey their emotional status. I count this as a minor victory, it means that although I've struggled to draw people right in this comic the problem was with where their eye or nose would best be situated, not with what emotional expressions they held.

The other big thing about the comic is fixing the lettering. Because it was the last job I had to do for any given page of these, it's the most rushed, awful thing. Especially in the English version of the comic, at around page 8 to 20 it's a mess. Complete re-lettering has to occur and I'm not looking forward to it, oh not at all. I hate lettering. I'm now fixing the Greek versions so I can show it to publishers in a reasonable reading form in the upcoming Comicdom Convention, but straight after that I'll be spending two awful, tiring days re-lettering most of the English version too, so I can e-mail samples to the various publishers.

Although that's a bit of work if you think about it, my brain doesn't count it as such. It feels just like spring cleaning, moving a few furniture about. The comic is finished, now all that's left is to finish it.

-Helm

ZX page 42, 43 : Dream's end

2010-04-08T10:25:00.005+03:00

The comic has ended.

Just a cover to do, fix errors in all the pages (I estimate that'll take a week or so) and then I start on the painful trek to publishing. I'll try my luck with the Greek publishers first, at the annual Comicdom Convention that occurs on 16. 17 and 18 of this month. If you're Greek and you'd like to meet me you can seek me out at the fanzine room as usual. I'll post about it when it's about to happen, again.

If you have any thoughts on the comic you could share them in the comments. I'll be tweaking the art and writing in the past pages but probably not posting them hey, I have to save something for the printed version, right? The meanings of the comic will not change so although this is not yet the definitive version, it is complete.

- Helm

ZX page 41: pillars of doubt

2010-04-04T22:09:00.008+03:00

I opted to use a different vantage because I didn't want to do the usual Marathon dam shot. I used this photograph for reference. It kind of looks wonky architecturally in the comic but so it does in the reference too, perhaps it wasn't such a good idea to use unreal-looking reference but it did suit my purposes on a few higher levels. One is that is gives the page a nice overall construction, panel segments slotted into natural divisors. The other is that I wanted to place the monologue of Stephan on top of the pillar that supports the bridge because his doubts are shaking up the foundation of the relationship between the two of them. The black/white contrast between them in the establishing shot is a further indication of distance, of the here and the beyond. I don't expect anyone reader to read my comic and go "oh, the doubts are over the foundation of their relationship, nice!" because I think these things work best - and are most worth it - when they leave a subconscious mark. I only mention such here because I know that some readers enjoy post-analysis of an the art as a separate joy to actually reading the comic.

Marathon's already looking better, by the way. I mean after we burned it down last summer. My friend Vasilis showed up out of the blue and gave me a ride over there, it was a very pleasant afternoon. I dreaded going back because of the summer fires but it seems the green is back at least. The trees will take a while. Possible dam walkers are invited back, I guess. I wonder if we'll burn it again this summer.

Next couple of pages end this story. I'll try to post them both at the same time (if not on next Monday then certainly a couple of days later) so as to not diminish the impact of the finale. Then it's revisions on the art and a cover left to do. I'm not looking forward to trying to shop this around but in the same time, I am, if that makes sense. The comic certainly feels as if it's over already for me even though I haven't drawn the next two pages. It's over in my brain and in my heart. Drawing the last bits and then fixing the badly drawn bits before them is just routine housekeeping now. What's strange (strange? perhaps not so much) is that it has brought some psychological issues on the surface it seems I have to tackle directly soon. I guess it's a good thing if your art surprises you, right?

-Helm

Wait, what? There's good prog metal too?!

2010-04-02T22:20:00.003+03:00

Over at Illogical Contraption friend and fellow discordian Shelby Cobras is hosting a mammoth piece by me on Progressive Metal that Time Forgot. If you're interested in the music form, go check it out. The hilarious images are not my doing, as everyone knows I have no sense of humor.

ZX page 40: Energetic Disassembly

2010-03-29T01:01:00.004+03:00

This one took a long time. I am considering it colored for the cover too, don't know. Perhaps something else might come to me after I'm done with the comic proper.

Also a new thing I did this time I let the pencils show underneath the inks, I almost never do this as I consider it sloppy but I wanted a few more rough edges here and there on this piece, and the extra rendering level really. I tried to keep the pencils relatively tight just for this reason which increased the workload. It was a full-time week for me, an artist that isn't even paid to do this. Oh well, you're only 25 and living in the good graces of your father once, right?

Which reminds me, I won't be 25 for long, heh. Oh well, good spirits, now. Like every time I finish a page. But will this making comics thing work out at the end? I don't know!

This chapter is the last one, by the way.

-Helm

Up The Hammers live report

2010-03-23T15:42:00.007+02:00

Here follow my impressions of a recent live show of several underground Heavy Metal bands (amongst them Atlantean Kodex and Slauter Xstroyes), those that are faithful to the older gods and daring, may crush the link with their mūs.

An club is a relatively small venue but one full of history. Situated in the urban epicenter of Athens, Greece, a usual 'third choice' for international rock bands and most certainly the first choice for most local ones looking for a host. I'd say six hundred people could be packed in there if an organizer were willing to risk an asphyxiation or two (and they mostly do). One of the few places in the capital where anyone can negotiate a live show for a decent cost makes it a staple for metal concerts organized by fans and supporters in the underground. Such is the case with the annual Up The Hammers festival whose focus is on the tried and true types of Heavy Metal. The selection of bands is made on what I suspect is a three-fold standard: quality, cult appeal and willingness to travel.

The club is as underground as the bands that will be playing. The ventilation is often spotty, as is the sound. The stairs up terminate to a civilian road so the early metalheads loiter in packs before the show, perhaps grab a bite in the adjacent sandwich shop.

From an anthropological point of view I expect the North American listener of extreme music (in the general sense) would be shocked to survey the crowd that gathers outside. Wave after wave of the traditional roving metalhead packs gather for the pilgrimage. Two or three dedicated longhairs, perhaps a girlfriend decided to come, perhaps the wayward metal brother that has succumbed to societal pressures is willing to put on the faded colors for the occasion. They gather in close-but-not-too-close circles, perhaps exchange some pleasantries with each other but mostly keep to their coterie. Uniformly the fashion is out of 1983 or so. Even the retro-thrasher look that is in vogue around the globe right now is a minority this night. Instead the paraphernalia of an older zeitgeist dominate. Manowar covers on cut denim on top of leather jackets, spikes on wristbands, bright red patches in a sea of black, a bandanna, 'Sign of the Hammer' or 'Melissa'. There's as many balding heads as there are manes. I saw a tall lanky dude with black raven hair, a widow's peak, pointy devil's goatee and Fu Manchu combo, long v-cut spandex shirt displaying a proud chest of hair, vinyl tights, knee-high black boots and a St. Vitus tattoo right on top of his heart and you know he means business. There aren't many beard-men around, not many casuals, even the women are decked out. These are the people who no longer wear the outfit to shock their school teachers, they wear it as a tribute to how the perpetually teen-aged spirit of metal has shaped them. For good and bad and worse.

Vents are working fine this time thankfully. Raging Storm open early to a friendly crowd and they capture the Greek power metal gamut perfectly, from Maiden-only-faster to more austere Manowar worship. Reformed for the occasion, there were some rough edges but on the whole a good way for the evening to start. There is much applause and wide grins all around, the underground is feeling good tonight.

Swedish newcomers In Solitude go up next. I haven't heard a note of them before. They look like they're sixteen years old, singer in particular is a handsome thin boy that's going for a King Diamond slash fashion catwalk look. Burly aged Greek metalheads survey below, takes some balls. They hit their first few chords and I quickly get what this is going to be about, Swedish NWOBHM revival but with a twist. The singer's displaced baritone vibrates overhead, conjuring a spirit that is ageless and nameless, those that love Heavy Metal know it well. Most bands don't conjure shit so I'm paying attention now.

By the graces of NWOBHM, the material's easy to follow, I'm chanting choruses I've never heard by their second repetition now. Singer, black paint under his eyes, third eye drawn on his forehead, teenage shoulder-length hair now tangled up and dripping sweat, holds his off-hand high and open, blesses crowd and says "It is strange where some find God, isn't it?". Yes, yes it is.

I've been spotting affiliations on the band's garb for a while now. Master's Hammer patch, Root decal. Repugnant guitar sticker. They're one of these Swedish death metal kids turned to full-on NWOBHM worship, aren't they? It's hard to imagine them having a different band before this one though, they look so young. There's a Bleak House logo on the singer's purposefully torn and dusted denim too, I might not be convinced but I am impressed. I look around and see I'm not alone. They finish their set with an instrumental, their singer leaves the stage early. Akimbo guitars feedback to the bitter end. Enthusiastic applause from grumpy Greek trad metalheads in their thirties, high praise.

Dexter Ward are up next but they're not doing much for me so I go up for air and a sandwich in the nearby eatery. They've got a projector showing a football game. Lots of lazy metalheads spending the inbetween there. Seems like the sandwich shop man knows how to cater to this crowd. It's still 0 - 0 but AEK is playing badly, I suspect Larissa will be winning soon.

I missed Atlantean Kodex's introduction but none of the material, that's great. Well, I'm not a huge fan but I can appreciate a heartfelt show when I see one. I don't listen to Heavy Metal to belong, I never did. Not in a posse, not in a scene, not in some forum, it's a private affair. The Manowar thing perhaps falls flat even more for me because of all the 'metal brothers' bullshit they keep going on about. No longhair is my brother by default.

Atlantean Kodex are very audibly huge Manowar fans. They do not mention any 'metal brothers' at all (in fact the bit of stage banter that stayed with me was "there's so much culture here [in Athens], it makes my dick hard"), but I get this strange vibe from them on stage and from the crowd below, as if they're one clan. Perhaps bands like Atlantean Kodex have misinterpreted Manowar, taken them literally (as most Greek fans of the band I've talked to certainly seem to) but all the more power to them, I say. They've taken a joke and turned it stone cold serious. They conclude their set aptly

"Beneath the black mountain we're lead astray
Never to see our home again
Beneath the black mountain our journey ends"

I see below their friends are moved. Everyone's singing the coda lyric, myself included. I am thinking to myself "by moonlight we ride / ten thousand, side by side" and it's not so funny anymore.

Overdrive are up. Some old NWOBHM band. Bizarrely, they also employ a keyboardist that is fond of arpeggios. I stay for a couple of songs, they're not bad, just not for me. At least not after Atlantean Kodex messed up my metal ontology. I go overground to check on AEK and replenish supplies.

When I return to the underworld Enforcer seem to be in their second song and over the course of their set I come to realize it sounds like their third, fourth, fifth song and probably their first one too. If In Solitude's were a pleasant surprise, this other set of Swedish teenagers... not so much. I've not seen such an energetic live show since forever, though. Everyone on stage is all over the place, tempos are two hundred beats per minute and up uniformly. No ballad, no epic dirge. Their Swedish chops hold the motörheadisms from running together too much, blond teenage-looking singer with the fluffy hair is falsetto yelping the-end-of-every-line. Their Guitar Left dude is playing with his teeth. I guess I should be impressed by their vitality and for the first twenty minutes I kinda am but by the time they hit their second encore I've never been so tired so fast. I don't take drugs but I expect that's how a cocaine down feels like.

Slauter Xstroyes are up next. Most readers might not be aware of the Chicago band's cult status in the underground, some might be reading their strange name for the first time. Appreciators of the history of metal often say the genre peaked in originality in 1984 and then gene-spliced itself to its various permutations by 1986 and "it's all downhill from there". Slauter Xstroyes put out their debut, 'Winter Kill', in 1985 to little fanfare. A year too late to claim to be originators, a year too early for their innovations to become standardized. Must have sounded so sci-fi compared to Priest and Maiden back then. Their extremely tightly performed US-styled power metal is characterized by the almost manic mood changes in both singer's John Stewart's delivery and in the accompanying twisted compositions penned by Guitarist Paul Kratky and bassist Brent Sullivan. They could be said to be spiritual peers of another early US metal juggernaut, Jag Panzer, standing proudly on a different league to the more 70's styled metal bands that thought a single good riff and a memorable chorus were enough to make for a good metal song. No duds on that record, no filler and no mercy either. It accumulated cult acclaim slowly over the years while the band were gathering steam for their sophomore outing, 'Free the Beast'. Sadly as was the case with a lot of promising US metal acts, things fell through and the 1998 release of that record was untimely as it was posthumous. Never mind that the record was a masterpiece, the ship had sailed for them.

There is an allure to a band that goes out in their prime. especially in 'cult metal' circles. Imagine if Metallica broke up after Master of Puppets. Slauter Xstroyes are usually framed by hyperbole when discussed by metal curmudgeons. “Better than Maiden any day” is one I've heard a lot of times. “Best bassist in metal” is another. Regardless of whether I agree or not I can see where the draw is that leads to such extravagant statements of adoration. I first listened to Winter Kill in a my friend Jason's bedroom. I was a teenager early into metal and he was three years older and a few hundred cherry-picked records wiser than me, he had decided to set me on the right path. I listened to Omen that afternoon, to Watchtower, to Cirith Ungol and to Slauter Xstroyes. He must have said something like “you probably won't like this” before he played me the Winter Kill title cut and like always, half in spite, half in honesty, I said I did. Although the singer was alternating between forceful mezzo and King Diamond shriek in a seemingly random manner, although the song had more stop-starts than three Megadeth records and although the production was remarkably both dry and muddy. There was something there, unique and proud, unashamed. It took me a long time to actually fully appreciate that record like many other gems he had played for me and now that he's no longer here I often wonder how I could thank him.

When I heard Slauter Xstroyes were back together I was really hesitant, I checked Metal Archives and saw original singer John Stewart is not in the reformed line-up and that Paul Kratky's the only guitar player now. I never check out touring youtube clips before going to see live shows, it defeats the purpose. I had seen Omen with a new singer and a nigh-incoherent Kenny Powell on guitar in the last Up the Hammers so I was expecting something equally disappointing.

So up they go, they introduce themselves and proceed to slay.

Heavy Metal might be a young man's game but there are glaring exceptions. I've often been disappointed by reunion shows if not for inability to perform up to standard by that most often the reformers seem to be going through the motions for a paycheck. Playing songs but not conjuring entities. This isn't the case here. To start with, this is the tightest, strongest power trio I've heard play live. Kratky's trading riffs for fills with himself and Brent Sullivan is in “best bassist in metal” form. An club has graced us with great, crunchy sound and that's a great blessing for bands like these (I remember how in a past Up the Hammers, Brocas Helm had played with an ear-piercing guitar tone so trebly one couldn't tell the what the tonality was anymore). So, the sonic foundations are there but that wouldn't be enough.

New singer's got the pipes too. He hits every Stewart scream with gusto and great respect (respect? Yes, there is respect in replicating sublime material exactly, as one does not improvise on top of a J.S.Bach fugue with a light heart) and he has grace. Simple stage presence but effective, he holds the crowd in sync and it's a wild ride through emotions that change as abruptly as the colored stage lights. I'm sitting here trying to chop it up in discrete pieces, 'this was good, that was great' but honestly Slauter Xstroyes were one thing up there, they were together as a band, not as 'some musicians doing a reunion tour'. Sweat is running down brows as chords and leads are struck and their grimacing faces don't look old now, they look ancient. Carved out of stone. I go from appreciation to awe in the span of the first song. You know that Heavy Metal feeling?

The negative space underlines the sculpted contours and they play a new song to drive the Gestalt in. It sounds like it would belong in 'Free The Beast'. Schizoid and playful like much of that record yet urgent, crushingly immediate. I'm on board for their new album now, excitement, anticipation. Hope they keep this singer. Hope they put out ten records as good as the first two. Hope they grow from cult favorite to sans cult, they deserve it and let the elitists bitch. Really glad, grateful to have seen them. I'm fourteen years old again, listening to this US metal record defining my whole life. Slauter Xstroyes, how do you even pronounce that?

Well, after that Doomsword played. I'd be kinder to them if they had played below Slauter Xstroyes, kinder still if they hadn't put out a few records worth of redundant material since the beautiful first two. I stick around for the first five songs. They play well, they believe what they're doing and the crowd appreciates them. Sadly I'm in no mind to follow their steady pace after the tangential excursions of the night's real headliners. I head home excited, my fingers are pressing Slauter Xstroyes riffs in the palm of my hand and with memories to guide and inspire.

ZX Page 39: And then she says

2010-03-22T02:50:00.002+02:00

Chiaroscuro, they call it I think? From darkness to the light, something like that.

I wonder how many times in my life I've been inappropriate without realizing it.

ZX Page 38

2010-03-14T12:27:00.001+02:00

ZX Page 37

2010-03-08T02:23:00.004+02:00

Let me answer all questions!

2010-03-04T15:09:00.012+02:00

Hello. My human has left the house to get me food and wonderful litter dust for me to joyfully spread around the house. No better time than now to answer your previous queries, then!

JesusGun said...

hi, black thing. didn't know you like comics and you're interested in comic theory. I think it would be interesting to upload some comic pages of hyper-skilled creators and analyze them. i think it would be a nice beginning.

Ok I can do that. Let's go with one of the best spreads I've read in a while, I thought you'd appreciate the theme too

Click with your mouse to make it bigger!

Things I like about this page:

It doesn't matter from where you start reading it, in fact the artist doesn't give any visual cue on where you should start at all. This is very liberating for me as a cat that is not used to your human linear narratives where reading from top left to right is considered the norm. In fact this suits the subject matter greatly because such an archetypal story as that of Jesus Christ Versus The Olympian Gods can and has been approached from so many vantages.
The artist conveys with wonderful body language the badassery of Jesus Christ, but also, his utmost grace. Check out how gently he levitates off of the cross, the nails passing through his fleshy tissue instead of sticking off the wood along with his body.
Kraka-Boom! If there was every a comic that needed dramatic sound effects, it is this one! The artist wields the impact of synergistic art with great precision. Jesus has levitated off of the cross and is ready to kick some Herculean ass. Kraka-Boom indeed! Note also how the first strike (here, quite unlike in the New Testament proper, Christ is eager to offer the first strike) is punctuated with KRAK as well. This is called in storytelling terms, foreshadowing. The Kraka-Boom sets up the stage for the Krak. One could guess correctly that there is a 'Boom' later too.
Look how artfully the artist has avoided having to draw feet and especially toes in the splash of Jesus Christ. There is a lesson here: less is more, Jesusgun. If you can't draw something, draw something else in front of it that is easier. Put a robot in front of a beautiful girl, put a car in front of a crying man, put a wall in front of a beating heart, it always works.

I could go on and on, Jesusgun, but I realize there's much for you to digest here so I'll leave it until next time before I go really in-depth with advanced storytelling techniques employed by the one, the only, Rob Liefeld.

Ryan Marlow said...

Black Thing, I 'd never let you borrow any of my comics because you don't have opposable thumbs. All you have to grip with are claws!

I'll have you know I never use my claws unless when I'm hunting! I'm a civilized cat, I realize the benefits of give and take with the humans. I do not tear up their comics and in return they give me their precious smoked ham, it's a win-win for all involved. (When nobody is looking I go claw up the history section of my human's dad, though, nobody notices!)

Shelby Cobras said...

Do felines get some sort of erotic stimulation from human superhero comics, Black Thing? Because from this photo, it appears you might be, um, "cleaning your kitty parts" while you read.

Cats are great at multitasking. But I need make no excuses, Rob Liefeld gets me all hot and bothered let me tell you. I'm neutered but that doesn't stop him from setting a fire in my loins. A fire for beefcake! Or just beef, actually.

Martin said...

What occult secrets can Black Thing divulge about the division and structure of the pages? In other words, how the frames' shapes, proportions and their interactions can be used to affect the reader.

I'm of the more progressive new-school thought that these things do not matter, Martin. As Rob Liefeld shows above you can convey a gripping emotional narrative by just throwing whatever size panel on whatever splash page and have the action take place in the smallest of the small panels while the easier to draw still poses of mythological figures scowling take up all the page space, it just doesn't matter when you're THIS good.

But my human tends to disagree, he sometimes goes on and on about how paneling and especially the space between panels is where the *real* art in comics is and how even a relatively unskilled comic artist can make very gripping comics just by manipulating basic rules and effects of paneling. He says that a bigger panel doesn't always necessarily mean the reader will spend more time looking at it, but a denser panel (in terms of information, not just detail, remember to ask follow up questions on the difference) certainly will. The more relevant information in a panel, the more time the reader will spend doing their little 'treasure hunt' with it, every time they find something pertinent to a character or a plot point they will feel rewarded, and will in turn read slower and be more respectful to the comic they hold in their hands. In fact, rarely discussed, but my human says respect is the key factor in how effective a comic story is and respect is earned through deft usage of hidden graces of the sequential medium, not so much 'by drawing good'.

The human also says other stuff like how a bigger gap between panels means more time has passed between the two panels in the comic but not necessarily in how fast the reader will read between the panels and this creates vital capture-and-release dynamics that movies or animation simply do not have. And how if a panel border is not 90 degrees upright but skewed or otherwise irregular this creates tension in the reader akin to that of tilted camera shots in the movies or other stuff. Look, Rob Liefeld does this amazingly in the page I posted above though, so I don't see why my human is complaining.

Another trick would be - though I am skeptical of that - to have a wide panel where the action occurs in the far corner of it, making the reader parse setting and information before he gets to it, useful both for timing and for urging the reader to not just read the comics as if it's a 'talking heads' thing. Again, respect to the form will bring respect from the reader. They will get out of it as much effort as they put in. To that me and my human agree.

Jonathan Drain said...

How does Helm make his comics? What's his process? Does he do everything by hand or does he use that fancy wacom tablet?

I believe my human has already gone on and on about this. Check out the posts with the tag 'process'.

Again, I urge you all to write in with your new questions and congratulatory remarks on my depth of knowledge. I am as hairy as I am wise. Bribes in meat products will compel me to answer your questions first and in most detail, keep in mind.

ZX Page 36: All our maps are lost in the wind

2010-03-01T15:48:00.003+02:00

There's not much more to say.

Do you like chiptune music?

2010-02-28T13:40:00.002+02:00

Then you could visit STUFAJPGM! The latest episode is about chiptune metal but I listened to a few others too and it's all pretty tastefully selected and interesting!

The wonderful people involved even used some of my old pixel art in the latest episode.

New comic page tomorrow.

Programmatic Ruin

2010-02-24T09:46:00.010+02:00

Some metal music conjures potent images in the mind's eye of the listener. Most often these images are vague and not directly informed by the lyrical material of the songs they belong to, more abstract dream-like scapes in washes of violent warm colors. I think this happens mostly because for metal bands the riff-writing is a separate art to the writing of lyrics. I'm willing to bet that the vast majority of angry rock or metal bands write the music first and it doesn't later change much or at all to contend for the feel and meaning of the lyrics. In fact when we're talking about metal, the writing of riffs (of which there are many) is simply addressed separate from the writing of coherent compositions (of which there are few and far between) but that's a topic for another time.

It is then a small wonder when a HM band that for all intents and purposes writes exactly like this, ends up conjuring very relevant images to the lyrics. Annihilator are such a band.

It's worth noting Schopenhauer's position on the purposes of music here.

Music is thus by no means like the other arts, the copy of the Ideas, but the copy of the will itself, whose objectivity these Ideas are. This is why the effect of music is much more powerful and penetrating than that of the other arts, for they speak only of shadows, but it speaks of the thing itself. "Music does not express this or that particular and definite joy, this or that sorrow, or pain, or horror, or delight, or merriment, or peace of mind; but joy, sorrow, pain, horror, delight, merriment, peace of mind themselves, to a certain extent in the abstract, their essential nature, without accessories, and therefore without their motives. Yet we completely understand them in this extracted quintessence. Hence it arises that our imagination is so easily excited by music, and now seeks to give form to that invisible yet actively moved spirit world which speaks to us directly, and to clothe it with flesh and blood, i. e. to embody it in an analogous example. This is the origin of the song with words, and finally of the opera, the text of which should therefore never forsake that subordinate position in order to make itself the chief thing and the music the mere means of expressing it, which is a great misconception and a piece of utter perversity; for music always expresses only the quintessence of life and its events, and never these themselves, and therefore their differences do not always affect it. It is precisely this universality, which belongs exclusively to it, together with the greatest determinateness, [364] that gives music the high worth which it has as the panacea for all our woes. Thus if music is too closely united to words, and tries to form itself according to the events, it is striving to speak a language which is not its own."

This smart man here explains, as I understand it, that the reason music is a universally loved and potent art is in that it doesn't (or shouldn't) seek to describe specific phenomena, but to be describe the archetypal expressions that all particulars spring from. In that sense metal bands might appropriate this definition of 'high music art' and comfortably consider their three chord riff-based abstractions to be a link to the primordial and be done with it. They are often right too. However I believe that Schopenhauer above had a far different standard of composition in mind to which most metal falls startlingly short of, not for their music being too linked to their lyrics to achieve universality, but by not being anything much on every level to begin with.

Secondly I think that abstraction has been hijacked by post-modernists with a consumerist agenda. How often do you hear, when trying to discuss the aesthetics and meanings of music, the offering of "dude, shut up, music is just music, man". I'm not sure Schopenhauer would be particularly proud. His sentiments can and have easily been appropriated by salesmen and vendors who would exclaim that since the music expresses universal emotions, then every one of us should buy all of it. If we look at popular music that is the distillation of abstraction in form and effect we see that it's working. So no offense to this smart man, but let's try to see what slightly different approaches offer us.

Annihilator above were not a band of very lofty ideals really, and the song posted doesn't have a high concept per se; It is in the plentiful abilities of main guitarist and composer, Jeff Waters that the composition of 'Road to Ruin' and indeed of most songs on their first two LPs, had become more involved than an average AC/DC song. He sounds like he has ADD, hyperactive, likes to cram in as many licks as he can but - unlike a lot of technical metal bands - has the good sense to compare what he's adding to what the song is achieving and rarely leaves a phrase in that is at odds. Jeff Waters can do what Annihilator do then because he's both extremely able on his instrument but also because he has the good sense to let the song's voice dictate what he (over)plays where.

In contrast, most metal (and rock) musicians struggle with a limited ability in their lead voice instruments, it is often a climb to express even an abstract concept. Sure, a lot of them play very fast or very precise, but what they play is often very limited and derivative. It might startle some knowledgeable Heavy Metal people to say for example that Autopsy (in the minds of most people a sloppy rude death metal band) are more erudite with their music than Meshuggah (a highly technical post-thrash band). The former simply have a larger musical lexicon. Most bands do not enjoy the mobility that great chops allow for to offer impressions of minutiae however. And those that work hard to get these chops usually masturbate with them predictable scale runs and basic syncopations over and over, impressive to laymen but ultimately one-note.

Not being a virtuoso is a blessing and a curse however. When one has barely 5 riffs in them, they tend to make them count and speak with them of encompassing emotions, namely despair and hope. This is the main characteristic of Heavy Metal really and it also explains why a lot of absolutely incredible bands often had just one great album in them, some even just a few great songs. That said, it's a pleasing variation and I feel, a worthy introduction to outsiders, to consider the minority of more skillful and considerate players that can strike with more precision once in a while.

The lyrics set the stage here:

No control tonight, the lights are going dim
The floor begins to tilt, it's blurring to a spin
Just let me find my keys, look down below
Fresh air is all I need, then I'll go

Leading up the road to ruin
You're full of alcoholic speed
Leading up the road to ruin
No last chance, don't bother to plead

High, over the limit, got to take it slow
Concentrate, kill the radio
It's not the first time, it'll be the last
I've said that before, in the past

Speed, I've got to make it home

Not too far to go, you're getting near
Just down the block, there's nothing left to fear
Carefree, on top of the world, feeling power
Impaired security at ninety miles an hour

Somebody's driving drunk, it doesn't end well.

The beauty of the thing is how the choices in riffs and voicings by Waters, along with the clean and tight lockstep of the capable rhythm section underline and amplify the sense of barely controlled chaos of the situation. Nearly every section of the song for me augments the picture, it supports an otherwise pretty stereotypical narrative.

Check out the natural harmonics lick at the end of the theme at 00:30 and how even before the plot is introduced a sense of instability and fragmentation hints of it in an otherwise straight ahead speed metal riff. Speed is the thing here but also blurriness, incoherency, confusion. These are the emotional elements that Waters' guitar pyrotechnics are most suited for.

In fact, for the duration of the verse, pay attention to how the regular palm muted riff is commented upon by a variation of different end licks, most of them choppy or syncopated, almost never repeating themselves, offering the listener no sense of security. Have you ever had manic thoughts that seem to dissolve before you're able to make them cohere to a larger structure, only to reappear and taunt you to try again? Have you ever been drunk?

The chorus with it's more austere and controlled rhythmics speaks in the second person. You're leading up the road of ruin, you're full of alcoholic speed. Look how effectively Waters shifts perspectives without any confusion just by musical cues. The unstable chaotic riffery belongs to the protagonist of the tale, the slower and regimented responses belong to a higher authority, a beholder. The listener feels compelled to empathize with both: id and superego together, schizophrenia. This is the overarching theme of Annihilator's early output.

Not to say that the song doesn't default to the familiar trappings of rock music, with its melody, verse, bridge, chorus and repeat. This is because Annihilator did not consider themselves purveyors of modern classical composition or anything, they probably had not heard of Schopenhauer not did enjoy programmatic music. They were writing hooky pop songs, but their inner ambitions overpowered the form. This is the basic definition of Heavy Metal in relation to its bordering musical genres, actually. The positives of the skeletal remnants of the basic pop song composition under this song are that the themes are reaffirmed and the listener is put to a hot-cold alteration between musical coherency and safety and then the wild chromatic deviations of Water that constantly upset. It's a potent dualism that fuels a lot of great Heavy Metal.

Check out the abrupt stop-starts under the first solo voice how they comment on its almost sonorous and hopeful tone (the driver hopes that he's going to make it home) but the second solo comes in mockingly, bending, rolling, laughing with this hope. It is appropriate that the most 'rock and roll' sounding part of the song is the voice of a higher fate, it's as if Annihilator are saying 'you're gonna crash and burn and let the devils dance in the flames'.

After a third chorus, the main riff is punctuated by sharp turns, futile floor breaks and finally the winding guitars signal the inevitable sounds of a crash. Every time I listen to this song I hum for hours after it not just the chorus or some melody but three or four parts in a row. I get hooked on a emotionally involving composition. I really love early Annihilator.

Not every song by them is so rich in imagery but most are. The most enjoyable ones actually are those written to lyrics of mental instability, Annihilator's forte, they let Jeff Waters' guitar go really crazy. Always a light band however, they're an easy way to get new listeners to appreciate Heavy Metal in other ways than just as a primal force that paints bluntly only the basest of scenes, screaming and growling and bludgeoning what is in effect existential ennui.

-Helm

ZX Page 35: Gettting from A to B

2010-02-22T07:05:00.003+02:00

This page is a comment on how one remembers the past: a play between regimented linearity, like pleasant summer blockbusters, this happened then that, rehearsed and made sense until it's safe. And then trauma like shards of a broken crystal, cruel vantages towards the inside of the wound that may never be contained. Square peg in a punctured heart, it never heals.

ZX Page 34: Montage

2010-02-15T01:07:00.004+02:00

Alright, seeing that there was worship of Heavy Metal as requested, here's more ZX.

Another difficult page that I think turned out alright. I hope the reader realizes it's a flashback through various notable memories of Stephan's life as a child and as a teenager. I hope there's no confusion as to who is who.

The Greek expression is 'Guys are robots and girls are ferryboats' only, it rhymes. I'm very sad I can't use that in English and default to the American jock-idiot talk of 'bros before hos'. In fact if you, the native English speaker, know of an equivalent expression that is more childlike and innocent, do let me know.

For those interested in the formalities of comic making, consider the same page if the panel borders were drawn in, would it be so easy to move from one highlight in time to another, where years have passed between each strip?

-Helm

You got me listening to Savior Machine, man

2010-02-12T19:21:00.006+02:00

Pixel artist extraordinaire Preston Mays (who really should be uploading more from his numerous works) sent me a private message over at Pixelation which read:

Well, you and your blog have got me listening to Saviour Machine, King Diamond, and Fates Warning. I hope you are proud of yourself.(links added by me though!)

Am I ever! As I replied to him the only sad aspect of that is that when he might want to talk with other people of supposed metal tastes and he mentions such names, besides on King Diamond, he's going to get a lot of blank stares. The greatest Heavy Metal is usually the more esoteric type and that's also the least popular.

However, today we are celebrating 40 years of Heavy Metal! Cruel steel that rends pretenders apart and carves from the dull flesh inside a burning heart! A small youtube retrospective is in order, not so much in the esoterica but in the common stem of it all.

It all starts here. The said 40 years ago but was it really? It feels like yesterday when Black Sabbath cut off my head, drained my weak blood and replaced it with the occulted sulfurs that drive me to this day. Let us worship to the altars of the young gods

An ablation of blood to the elder sorcerers, erecting their monument that reaches to the stars

Let us dream inwards, let us live in ingress, stretching our elytrous wingspan until the cosmos seems but a reach away

Let our imagination swell with the only truth that there is no truth, nothing is real and everything is permitted. A theater of shadows dancing around burning fires

And weave a dark reflection on the mountains bare that mean to surround us

Let us rediscover what we have always possessed, a promise of better days

Bow to the kings of yesterday, they have given us wings to fly away. What have the phantom queens but deceived us?

See Death Walking, Death Alive

2010-02-11T19:43:00.004+02:00

This is pixel art. Click here to go to a magical place where if you click on an image it becomes 2x the size and if you hold down the ctrl button and click on it it becomes half the size again so that you may inspect the pixel placements.

If you are interested in this sort of digital art, read the whole thread to get a feel of where the community online is on tool-use and methodology. Even if some things go over your head perhaps you'll be intrgued to know more and then you can browse Pixelation and Pixel Joint in earnest and make up your own mind.

This image was started before I got the impulse to make the ZX comic, so that is more than 9 months ago but I got a final push to finish it yesterday. You see when I did the first 10 hours of work on it I was listening to an excellent audiobook version of the first Elric of Melibone book. I had read this book for the first time back in 1998, when I was thirteen and it had a profound and lasting effect on me. Sadly the audiobook ran out and with it my impulse to finish the above piece.

On a whim I downloaded the second audiobook of the splendid 'Sailor on the Seas of Fate', it is not done as wonderfully as the first one but it did provide an impulse to go back to the old piece and put the final 5 hours in.

It's funny to me how the image looks basically like 'some zombie'. I realized that's how it'd be perceived when I was almost done with it and it kinda annoyed me 'cuz I don't like zombies and I was going for a more occult 'avatar of death' thing but oh well!

-Helm

ZX Page 33: How long is forever

2010-02-08T03:18:00.001+02:00

Here's to the memories.

Ancient Greek Spaceships

2010-02-02T19:06:00.004+02:00

Over at Illogical Contraption mr. Shelby Cobras has been kind enough to invite me to write about Greek metal circa 1990-2000 and posted it along a compilation of choice cuts of that period. Go download and listen and read if you're interested in underground Heavy Metal.

I don't write a lot about these things (and certainly not to that degree of detail) over here because the main focus should always be comics and how to live with them but who knows maybe some of you are also metalheads.

-Helm

ZX Page 32: They say rage is a brief madness

2010-02-01T00:35:00.001+02:00

I dreaded this page when I started this comic because I thought it'd be more difficult than it was to pull off. Or perhaps I'm just getting better. There's a considerable amount of technique as far as inking as commentary goes here, which reminds me, I need to write a little about inking as commentary at some point, it might help those with analytical concerns 'understand' the comic better.

ZX Page 31: Impasse = deadend

2010-01-25T09:28:00.002+02:00

Posting from my girlfriend's computer. This page has one of my favourite panels in it so far. And is also, the last page of calm before the storm. Next week's going to be challenging.

I'll write more soon!

-Helm

Mares of Hope

2010-01-20T10:18:00.011+02:00

These walls are stained engraved with pain
You will find them under shadows casting shame
For some, it's all they've ever known, Angels of
the fortunate sons come and go ... You may not

Entities pass in the night
Guardians and the Reapers fight,
The will to live shall win
Mares of hope ride through their dreams
Blinding light awakens sleeping dawn
It seems it was all a dream, an endless dream

I will wish upon a star I believe in you
And if my will has strayed afar I remembered you
Will you remember me
I the one you sentenced penance unabsolved
Answer me, save my will, have you forgotten me

Pace the hallway blind man,
for a million miles of stars his mind has seen
Think you may that he lives in darkness
We're in the dark, he's seen the light of dream

Karen, she's been asleep forever
I know she hears me, she has so much to say
The machine sends sparks through her eggshell mind
A tear streams from her face
Into my hand, to my heart

I'm a fire without a flame
Helpless child without a name
With broken wings catch me I'm falling
I'm a question with no answer
Who are you that takes my life away from me
Unveil the boundaries of the black

I had a dream I was you
Strong as the fire in my veins
And when I called out your name
I would remain to witness the pain
I am beyond silent black
I will be back as your guardian

Angels in white you have sacrificed
You witness and bury the pain
You walk hand and hand with the fear stricken child
Strengthen the weak and the lame

Have you seen beyond the unborn
The pillars of penance and lore
Perpetual journey into the realm
The sovereign servitor

Human beings do not share a lot of common experiences. They share common drives which result in named emotions but the combinations of them as designed by circumstance and fate are unique to every one. The common experience of humans is not ideology either because words and meanings, while evoking with the austerity of thousands of years worth of pondering a deep respect, are in the end as subjective as the symbols conveyed by clouds.

The common experience of human beings is that of hope. Assorted elation and anger, fulfillment and despondency follow and mix and are difficult to describe but who doesn't know of hope? The illogical and untestable belief (if that word can begin to describe, because sometimes it feels so flimsy) that life will be good, one will achieve what they desire, the tally will be fair and finally, closure and contentment before the end.

Art isn't hope in itself. Art reminds of hope through awe. Artistic artifacts are fancy externalities, emotive curiosities that we often keep a safe distance from. We like to count them and catalogue them according to how often they made a controlled impact on us and we call that 'good art', thereleft the discard pile of bad art that made us feel nothing, highly suspect in both motive and design as usual. However from good art to great art there is a surrender that can only occur when the external breaks the safety net and reconfigures the internal, finds its vital place at the core. That's a violent process and it's shocking and it's a surrender and this is why people are sometimes reticent to talk not of 'good art' (art which has had some curious & controlled effect a week ago and might be worth suggesting to others on the same safe level) but of great art, the art which has climbed inside, has rearranged, has become real. People are reticent to talk about that because it's like talking about their deepest hopes.

As an aside, this is also why people often disguise merely 'good art' as great art and praise to the sky stuff that barely managed to have a bit of an effect on their mood last Saturday as if it's the self-defining pinnacle of all artistry. Merely a diversion. The undead like to appear breathing so as to gather around them a secondhand vicarious existence while their tender heart beats in the secret phylactery underneath their bed. You can spot these liches by their terminology when discussing said 'great art', avoiding personal risk and exposure.

Heavy Metal became an internalized reality for me during a troubled adolescence, as is common. Dreaming darkly through the disappointing minutiae that coalesce to a monumental disappointment, glimmering in still black water, a severe hope. A reflection of the stars above, so below, a proud dive inwards where the superego is distant and the ego can liken itself to the primordial fierceness of the id.

Heavy Metal has nothing to offer in ideology or social grace, its pursuits are personal & ingressive. It is dangerous because what it inspires is extremity and hyperbole: the world is for it, an eternal enemy. One might learn to shield themselves from it and be proud but what when the victory is complete and they are left alone? An absurdity of being calls magnetically to suicide and perhaps Camus would instead suggest the absurdity "requires revolt" but Heavy Metal is also dark and in some ways, a coward when it comes to toiling under a measured, endless burden.

But Heavy Metal sings of hope even through surface morbidity and through the naive solutions of a romanticist destruction and in this way it is a human art (humanist has become a different word meaning "that which likens but is not" so let me avoid) and the way it can get inside and rearrange is through the awe it inspires. Awe reminds us of our hopes. Some times people I meet who listen to less obvious types of music struggle to see how I - a person they think, of some sophistication and education - can be very single-mindedly given to Heavy Metal, why I become easily bored or disassociated from other types of more faceted, glib, subversive music. It is because I have been awed by Heavy Metal, I have fallen in love with it and the love will last forever. I have no strength for many mistresses and those who dabble with them all I do not want to emulate nor do I ever trust completely.

Heavy Metal induces awe with ancient, simple meaning. When Fates Warning sing of secret promises to stars, of obligation and of remembrance, they are not humans named John Arch or Jim Matheos, they are a primordial entity, named as far as the warnings of fate can be given names. Clotho spins the threads of life, Lachesis will measure them and Atropos will cut them with her shears. A god sings distant, a symbol behind the symbols of clouds, he doesn't teach anything but shows with grace: one has been given back what they always possessed.

ZX page 30: Cat Inquisition!

2010-01-18T01:48:00.002+02:00

Not much to say at this point beside that this is page 30, I am officialy two thirds of the way done!

Next couple of chapters are the crux of this whole thing. Expect some answers and some new questions.

-Helm

check out the little bio post on the side!

2010-01-13T04:39:00.006+02:00

Click for manly size

This was pretty fun to draw. I'm pretty backwards some times, this post should have been one of the very first on the blog, don't know how my mind made sense of avoiding it for a year.

I also wonder if I should directly link to a few 'choice cuts' of comics as we discussed, straight on that neat little contact.html . Robotboy, Memorybot, Europe after the Rain, Metal Gear Mike, I guess. I think just the 'comics' full tag would work for potential employers, seeing how the ZX pages (which I'm most proud of) will be on the top when sorted like that.

If you want to link me to someone that wants commission work or something else, you now can!

-Helm

early heavy metal memories

2010-01-12T14:10:00.004+02:00

Those guys are scary

Over at Invisible Oranges there's been a vibrant comment space on the subject of first records to get readers into Heavy Metal. I interpreted the question a bit more openly and besides listing of records I also mentioned formative heavy metal experiences. Here's the relevant bit below:

"[...] My second HM experience was a year or so later [when I was aged six] where my mom let me go to the close-by playground on my own for the very first time, in Crete and there were two teenager metalheads there (must have been early 1990, remember, at that time only delinquents and misfits listened to Heavy Metal in Greece, the traditional 10 year delay in music vogue from America to most European countries) all decked out in denim and leather and chains with long hair. I looked at them shocked. One turns to the other and says "hey, do you see my friend here? He likes to eat little boys like you" His friend grinned devilishly. I ran away crying. When I collected my six-year-old courage, I found a piece of wood and returned to the playground to 'beat them up' (I don't know man, I was six) but they had left."

I had some free time earlier today to pencil the memory (well... reconstructed, 20 year old memories are very foggy but the gist is there), when I'm done with the comic I will endeavor to return to this one and ink it as well. The past couple of days have been a bit of a downer but it was pleasant to do this one and with rejuvenated feeling I return to the ZX comic :D

-Helm

ZX Page 29: Retrograde Advance

2010-01-11T18:28:00.010+02:00

I'm posting from my girlfriend's computer, I almost forgot it was monday. I finished the page yesterday and I guess the stress relief of having done that erased the mental reminder to actually post the page.

As for the story and why Marina is being so disappointed about, if you're asking yourself 'what, have I missed something here?' then go back and check the chapter number of this sequence. Thou hast been flash-forwarded, sire.

I know it's bad form to say so, but I really like the middle panel. In the pencil art there was a little note in the corner of the panel reading "perhaps render this like Mignola?". Well, I guess I didn't, exactly, but the high-contrast without many hatched lines works for what I wanted, emotionally. Also the final panel worked better that I thought it would in the pencil art, what with the ambiguousness of whether the silluette is driving towards us or away from us. Reader participation: did you read it instinctively as if she's driving away or not? If too many readers say 'towards the viewer' I'm going to have to change it a bit for the final printing to make it more clear it's riding away.

Oh, also, this is the only 'pop-culture' reference in the whole comic (and probably one of the only recurring ones in the whole of my work, come to think of it): Zzap!64 Can you remember where you've seen it before?

-Helm

Comissions, prints-on-demand, questions for readers

2010-01-07T18:08:00.003+02:00

In the spirit of making a honest living, I've been considering making a little side-store to the blog where I could sell prints or do commission work and I wondered if there'd be any interest in that. A big 'problem' is that most of my art is black and white so I don't know how much people would care about that. Commissions could either be digitally-made and e-mailed or hand-drawn and shipped through old-fashioned snail-mail, according to demand. How does that sound? Hell, I could even make a YUS bird t-shirt or two (but no coffee mugs, I hate coffee mugs!).

Give me your thoughts, give me your thoughts NOW.

There's nothing worthwhile below the jump.

Well, besides the space-rending upside-down space dogs, that is.

- Helm

Bring me the head of Hans Christian Andersen

2010-01-05T07:23:00.007+02:00

photos by the wonderful Petteri

Denmark was fun.

Fireworks were photographed!

New Year's Resolutions were reluctantly made!

They were mostly about getting a job.

Back with more comic next monday.

-Helm

Going to Denmark

2009-12-26T08:01:00.003+02:00

Back on the 4th of January.