tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9076033512154958207.post3279812102676215678..comments2023-04-26T17:44:44.750+03:00Comments on Asides-Bsides: Running down the memories, wrapped up in desireHelmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00584102280299430293noreply@blogger.comBlogger2125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9076033512154958207.post-31891571588076119542009-12-23T15:13:26.514+02:002009-12-23T15:13:26.514+02:00I don't think those people that say "I li...I don't think those people that say "I live in the now, dude" are actually doing anything different from the rest of the humans with their variably wrecked emotions. You can't switch off your guard because it's there to keep you alive, your nature won't let you kill yourself. At least not that easily. <br /><br />People drop their guard when they feel safe, it takes a long time for some of them. If they get positive returns while their guard is down, they blossom into more self-assured types, that's what's happened to me. I didn't set it in motion, it was pure luck to come across the right people and the right situations. Just like it was pure luck I ran into that case I described in the post above when I was fourteen. <br /><br />This is the recurring thing in my mind, constantly, you can see it in everything I say or create: things will happen, nobody understands why, how will we survive and how will we reconcile with what we've done to survive?<br /><br />What I get from the statement "living in the present" is really "I'm going to try to be brave". Well, good for you, whoever you are that says such things. And what you end up doing is what you'd have done anyways and we will write the story to make it make sense after.Helmhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00584102280299430293noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9076033512154958207.post-62589275870314159882009-12-23T14:02:56.168+02:002009-12-23T14:02:56.168+02:00frightening, the fact that the sum of all our expe...frightening, the fact that the sum of all our experiences (never properly diluted or analyzed) forms an ever-growing burden which we carry for the rest of our lives, and which not only makes us sweat, but forces its way into every new experience, every relationship, tries to link itself with every new sensory influx (the movies, the music, the art), our mind tries to connect with everything we receive, to try to make the burden more bearable, to make it make more sense - but the burden is also viral, it can poison everything new we just plunge into, it can produce paranoia and a sense of directionlessness (?!) - of course, along with the 'wisdom', the fact that, yes I've been there, yes I know how this works, yes, this time I'll face it with all the extra knowledge I've accumulated - you can't go into everything new like it was the first time, surely? naked and without your 'weapons', the experience, the armor? because then it's a new burden altogether, with the senselessness and the confusion and the anger.<br /><br />I wonder if there's a way to work out a golden rule between the predisposed, a priori confrontation and the I-live-only-in-the-present improvisation. Because memory doesn't consists only of abstract knowledge, it consists of deep emotions stored in your cells, the anger, the love, the desire, the physical and emotional pain you've taken, and I wonder how you can turn this into a tool instead of a peripheral ever-present torture chamber. Or if things aren't supposed to just work out in some way, and improvisation on what we know, and forgetting were we must is a solution.<br /><br />Great post, it put me in a strange train of thought, and I'm somewhat sorry I just stream-of-consciousness'd on you instead of presenting a more structured argument.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com